justinje Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 So.......I'll start off by saying that I've had several long relationships in the past but the last meaningful one was 2.5 years ago. In the last 18 months I've dated 5 women, I broke up with all of them due to lack of feelings on my side. Then I decided I was going to step back from dating cuz I wasn't finding what I wanted, I had a trip to Europe planned, a contiki, so I decided I'd stop before that trip. Go on the trip with no expectations and just have fun. Had a blast on the trip. Day everyone is leaving I get a FB message from this girl that was part of the group I hungout with a lot while I was there. She said she wanted to stay in touch, I had a 10 hour layover in Denmark on my way home (yeah bad trip planning on my part). We talked while I was there on the phone for 3 hours straight. I don't do that normally lol. Then we texted until I passed out. Since then we've texted all day everyday and talked on the phone at least everyother day for 1-3 hours at a time. Here's the kicker, she lives 9 hours away in Canada, and oh yeah, she's at the tail end of a relationship. The distance isn't so big, the second part.....yeah lol. So I took it as whatever I'll just talk to this girl, it'll fizzle out, no big deal, I like talking to her and when it ends it won't be anything. She came down to visit me for a few days, we didn't go the whole way, she wouldn't but we kissed some, which she felt guilty about, but yet really enjoyed. After that trip everything changed, she became a lot more open about her feelings, about how much she liked me. The last day she was here I told her I didn't think we should keep talking and she lost it, just was so sad, begged me not to do that, said she couldn't imagine things without me. So I kept talking, we still talk everyday, I'm going to Toronto to see her in a couple weeks but it's in a group from our contiki, though I"m going up early and staying later and she's taking off work so we can hangout. I'm falling for her. I'm trying soooooooooooo hard not to. She's falling for me too I can tell (this isn't my first rodeo). The distance bothers her, it doesn't bother me. The cheating bothers me lol. I told myself Sept, by Sept I'm stepping away if nothing has gone through. Not because I'm not going to still want it but because I can't go on like this forever. We talked for the first time about her dating situation and her thoughts on it yesterday. She said she had started making a game plan the last couple weeks but didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me pressuring her into anything until she was ready. She lives with him, 4 year relationship.......so it's gonna flip her world upside down. I don't want to fall for her right now, do I want to see where this goes if anywhere (and I know the chances are slim, I know), yes I do. But I don't want to be crushed when it ends. I don't fall often, its not easy for someone to get under my skin, only 3 have really done it at this point in my live (I'm 27) but she is definitely under my skin and it scares the living hell out of me. There are so many stumbling blocks ahead, so many ways this could end badly, so many ways this is going nowhere. Oh yeah, and I just got offered a big career change which would involve me moving citiies and maybe working more hours (I have great work/life balance right now so we text all day at work too) which is causing me stress.................... I know what the first thing people will say is. She did this to him, she'll do this to you. it's a LDR that's starting LD, etc. Yet here I sit. Like an idiot. Advice, encouragement, etc is much appreciated because I've gotten 1000 different answers on what to do in this situation lol.
preraph Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Just don't let yourself get carried away. The cheating should bother you. She needs to terminate her other relationship before flirting with other people. She'd do the same thing to you. My opinion you need to both peel it back and you tell her to get in touch if she ever moves out or breaks up with her bf. And then it's still a big step to bridge that long distance. So I hope one of you has lots of time off and disposable income to date like that.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Keep dating around. The chances of this working out - as you know - are extremely slim. It's all a fantasy for her now because she hasn't yet had to deal with reality. You have no idea how her boyfriend would react if he found out; she could suddenly decide she wants to make it work with him and that leaves you out in the cold. She's also indicated the distance is a problem for her. At the moment, she's having her cake and eating it too. She gets the best of both world, an exciting fling with you and the stability of a relationship with her boyfriend, while you only get bits and pieces. She has no leg to stand on being sad and emotional when she is flat-out cheating on her boyfriend. When you are in Toronto (my hometown!) get out and see the city without her too. She needs to understand that if she really wants you, she needs to make herself single first. She might get more freaked out on home turf, where the risk of being seen/caught is higher. Don't put all your eggs in one basket with this one.
xcupid Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 What has happened in her present relationship that causes her to break up? It doesn't sound as though you know each other well enough to be getting into anything serious. Lots of obstacles ahead - especially a soon to be ex boyfriend, rebounding to you, and long distance. Could get messy.
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