Roland_Rona Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Hello everyone, This is more just to get this off my chest. I've been single for about 6 or 7 years. I've recently managed to sort out things in my head that mean that I now think I will be able to try internet dating, though I will have to wait as I am recovering from an injury. I'm quite nervous about what's going to happen. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm so shy (I am a bit) but more that I am very nervous about initiating sexual or sensual intimacy without express verbal consent from the person involved. I am quite reserved about these things in general, and wonder if people will get what is going on. I would feel happiest just to tell people my preferences, but it does seem, from what I've read, that this is how people approach these things. When it comes to sex itself - if that is an acceptable topic on this particular forum, and I apologise if not - I've had a very small number of partners (though I was in a relationship for 2 and a half years, so I'm not too inexperienced), and am not really sure what is up with me. I've got a fairly open mind when it comes to erotica. I like erotic literature and comics. I don't like porn as I find it artless (and have moral issues with it anyway, though not extreme ones - so this is maybe also due to not seeking out the better stuff, but still I don't like it). I find reading about fairly crazy things quite a turn on, though I don't like it when things are too violent or nasty. But I feel quite different when it comes to the thought of actually sleeping with someone. I feel like they will probably expect things of me I won't be comfortable with, and it seems very odd, because I like reading about odd stuff but I'm very wary about doing it. I would add that reading this stuff I think has been very good for me - liberating in certain ways, and stopping ugly thoughts popping into my head. I've talked about sex first (and I don't think people should be embarrassed about these things), but general things about relationships in general worry me. I think that the main thing that I am concerned about is being in a loving relationship with someone I can really trust. I have very close attachments to many of my friends. I've often worried that they seem to be a bit too close at my end sometimes. It's not that I would like to sleep with quite a few of them - but I do feel like I want to spend very intimate time with most of them, and hold their hands and hug them and things like that. It's not with everyone, only those I have an attraction to. I should add I am male, and I feel this way towards male and female friends - not all of either, but some of each of them. I've only hinted at this with one of them, who I trust to be quite psychologically sturdy (and it's been fine). So I think the main thing is that I would like to be in a relationship - sex just complicates things, really. I've thought about casual dating and even casual sex, but I've had a look and I hate how everyone talks so much on all that. It's just all too seedy. Even people who are just trying to be straightforward are a bit too much for me - I just don't like all the sexy talk - this isn't really a criticism of those people though. I dislike prudishness - which I understand as a dislike of people having sex and being free in that way - but I do recognise that I am quite reserved. I just hate how ugly and messy the whole thing looks, and how dangerous on occasions - much like the reasons I dislike porn. I think I need to really trust the person I am with. Sometimes I've thought I would much rather be asexual, but I think it is obvious I am not. I'd like to simply decide that I'm not very interested in actual sex (as opposed to reading about sex), but I just can't say that's true due to lack of experience. I would love to be going out with a person who could accept what I'm like, and who I could be quite candid about this stuff with. It's very scary to think of telling someone that I enjoy reading about all kinds of weird sexual stuff, and it's also scary to think of being asked if I would like to any of those things myself. One thing which I quite normal I find very troubling is the idea of being expected to say anything during sex - I just hate the idea of my voice saying stuff in that kind of situation, apart from I love you and heart-felt things like that. I would be quite happy going out with someone who doesn't like sex at all, I have often wondered, but I worry that that is just wishful thinking - it's not so much that I would mind not having sex - I'm used to that - but that there would be a side to me they just wouldn't understand, and be pushed away from. I think that what I'm worried about is that I will go out with someone, come over in one way, but then when they explore my sexuality they will realise I'm actually quite different and weird. Like, I'll be too reserved (sexually) for most people at first, and too strange when they get to know me for other people, who will maybe think I'm just not very interested in sex - which may well be true, I don't know. I'm just worried some nice person will look at the stuff I enjoy reading and think "Oh, I didn't realise he was such a weirdo." I am going to start trying to date people again when I'm well, and I'm quite looking forward to it. Maybe I'll just do it for a bit, then decide I prefer being single. But anyway, any messages of support, or any pieces of advice, would be very appreciated.
mystikmind2005 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Why not try doing online research? Worked wonders for me! Do a google search with the words 'sexual health' or well being etc and you will find some fantastic sites. The first thing i learnt from doing the above, was to discover how much i did not know!!!
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