CurlyIam Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 When, how, under what form and shape do you think that contacting an ex is ok? a. when s/he has done so b. when s/he has done so and you don't want to look like an wimp for not replying c. for her/his anniversary d. for Christmas, Easter, anniversary e. for no reason in particular, you are friends to all/most/some of your exes and you new gf/bf would better get used to it. f. whenever I feel like, if I'm not engaged in a new relationship g. never Thanks, Curly
d'Arthez Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 It is always okay. But not always the best decision, and in most cases not the best decision. It depends on time, and the relationship itself, and of course on the reason for breaking up.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 Really, d? After some time, my bf's ex shows up in the picture, messaging him - harrasing him with messages. Sometimes he replied, other times he didn't. I told him to go out, see har, have a drink with her and than stop! He did see her - after a couple of years of NC. She not only continud messaging him, but asked for his IM address. Initailly he said he wouldn't give it to her. Guess what, he did. I'm not cool with this. Not cool at all. Ex bf/gf are ex for a reason. They are to stay ex. In the past. I'm just not at ease. It's too damn easy. I wish I thought I were paranoid. I don't .
Author CurlyIam Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn Only to sue them. Or for other legal reasons. Amen, sista!
d'Arthez Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 In your case, there was a particular reason why you broke up with him in the first place. Because he flirted. Then it is highly understandable that you would have a lot of problems and issues with that. And he should know that by now. I really hope for you that he has really improved his ways, Curly. Even if it is innocent, he should know that you would not appreciate it at all. He has to win your trust, and this was a terrible move.
Author CurlyIam Posted May 6, 2005 Author Posted May 6, 2005 Hey, emotions, how's India, girl? D, I'e written him an email that unless he tells her why he won't speak to her and delete her IM address, we're history. I've been that way twice before, third is my limit. Maybe it's stupid, but I have my pride and I amsick of being forced to handle this. It's his s***, he's old enough to be able to clean it up!
jmargel Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Curly, I agree with you 100%. He should not have any contact with her. She's an ex for a reason. I don't contact my ex-fiancee out of respect for my wife and the fact that I really have nothing to say to her. I had that problem however, like you. There was contact between my wife and her ex. I gave her the ultamatium that if she does it again, the marriage is over. She hasn't had contact w/ him in over 5-6 months, however her dad wants her to play on his pool team. Previously her ex was on this team with her dad. Needless to say me & her dad don't get along. She told me her ex is no longer on the team but I am not allowed to goto any of the pool matches? She's under the impression that I am not going to goto any of them however she is mistaken. I told her I will show up at one of these and if he's there the marriage is over. I have way too much love to give to have it being taken advantage of. Keep a hard stance. Don't let him play head games with you.l
jmargel Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Curly, I agree with you 100%. He should not have any contact with her. She's an ex for a reason. I don't contact my ex-fiancee out of respect for my wife and the fact that I really have nothing to say to her. I had that problem however, like you. There was contact between my wife and her ex. I gave her the ultamatium that if she does it again, the marriage is over. She hasn't had contact w/ him in over 5-6 months, however her dad wants her to play on his pool team. Previously her ex was on this team with her dad. Needless to say me & her dad don't get along. She told me her ex is no longer on the team but I am not allowed to goto any of the pool matches? She's under the impression that I am not going to goto any of them however she is mistaken. I told her I will show up at one of these and if he's there the marriage is over. I have way too much love to give to have it being taken advantage of. Keep a hard stance. Don't let him play head games with you.
Pocky Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam When, how, under what form and shape do you think that contacting an ex is ok? a. when s/he has done so b. when s/he has done so and you don't want to look like an wimp for not replying c. for her/his anniversary d. for Christmas, Easter, anniversary e. for no reason in particular, you are friends to all/most/some of your exes and you new gf/bf would better get used to it. f. whenever I feel like, if I'm not engaged in a new relationship g. never Thanks, Curly It depends on the people and it depends on the situation. I disagree with the one-theory-for-all concept that so many try to implement into relationships. I honestly believe that evaluating each case individually is a better choice than trying to create a step by step instructional manual for all individuals.
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