Elcielo84 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 I don't want to go into details but my ex girlfriend recently cheated on me about a month ago. I started no contact 2 days ago. Tonight she texted me saying "I'm drunk and no matter what happens, I love you." Now I know not to break no contact but she is really self destructive when she gets drunk. And I don't know what she means by this. Whether it be to hurt her self or sleep with someone. But should I contact her because I'm really worried about her and I don't want her to do something stupid. I mean she may have cheated but she still is a human being and I don't want to see someone destroy their lives because of this. Any help is appreciated. ~J
CarrieT Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Nope, don't break NC. You can't "save" anyone. If she doesn't something stupid, it is on her and there is nothing you can do to change that. 1
Author Elcielo84 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 Nope, don't break NC. You can't "save" anyone. If she doesn't something stupid, it is on her and there is nothing you can do to change that. Thank you for that. I haven't broke contact but I did tell her she is not my responsibility anymore the other day. And I need to stick to that. She needs to learn, but I hate seeing someone self destruct like this.
infiniteQuest Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 It basically comes down to : do you value your healing more than your precieved responsibility to make sure she's alright? If it's the former, then you know what to do. If it's the latter, then you can check up on her this one time, but be aware that it will come at your own expense. She cheated on you and disrespected you, and you may find yourself getting sucked into caring for her while delaying your own healing and dealing with your own emotions because you will be too busy indulging her childish whims. Is that what you want? What if you become an enabler to her to get drunk every weekend and feel even more at ease to act irresponsibly because she knows that you will always be there to get her out of a bad situation? where will you draw the line? Without any details, it's difficult to say, but she may also be manipulating you into keeping in touch with her by tapping into your protective side. That way she gets the best of both worlds: your protection and affection, and whatever else she may be after.
Author Elcielo84 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 It basically comes down to : do you value your healing more than your precieved responsibility to make sure she's alright? If it's the former, then you know what to do. If it's the latter, then you can check up on her this one time, but be aware that it will come at your own expense. She cheated on you and disrespected you, and you may find yourself getting sucked into caring for her while delaying your own healing and dealing with your own emotions because you will be too busy indulging her childish whims. Is that what you want? What if you become an enabler to her to get drunk every weekend and feel even more at ease to act irresponsibly because she knows that you will always be there to get her out of a bad situation? where will you draw the line? Without any details, it's difficult to say, but she may also be manipulating you into keeping in touch with her by tapping into your protective side. That way she gets the best of both worlds: your protection and affection, and whatever else she may be after. ^She is very manipulative and this is exactly why I had to come here because I think she is playing games with me. But it is up to her whether or not she wants to make the mistake. I still have not responded but my gut still churns hoping she makes good decisions. She can be one of those people that say "well I already ****ed up so I might as well live in the moment." And go the whole nine yards and continue to put herself at risk sleeping with more guys and what not.
infiniteQuest Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 ^She is very manipulative and this is exactly why I had to come here because I think she is playing games with me. But it is up to her whether or not she wants to make the mistake. I still have not responded but my gut still churns hoping she makes good decisions. She can be one of those people that say "well I already ****ed up so I might as well live in the moment." And go the whole nine yards and continue to put herself at risk sleeping with more guys and what not. I actually just read your other post describing how it all started with your ex-gf asking you for space from your 4-year relationship, all the while swearing that she wouldn't sleep with the other guy. But then she did. I think you're still in denial about your breakup, and you're fooling yourself into thinking about protecting her to avoid dealing with your own feelings. Because as long as you're chasing her and trying to prevent her from doing something distracting, you don't have to deal with the finality of your breakup. Stop focusing on her, and focus on your own feelings and the pain she has caused you. She's told you that she needs to find herself, so my guess is that she knows exactly what she's doing even if it doesn't look like it to you. Some people just want to go out and experiment, or be stupid and foolish and feel like they don't have any responsibilities. You interfering with that would not only hurt you, it would be taking away from her what she was after when she ended your relationship. Let her have it. If you're really worried about her being self-destructive, ask one of her friends to look after her, but make sure they don't report anything back to you or mention to her that you asked. Free yourself from being manipulated and move on. And ask yourself the real, honest reason why you're so worried about her. My guess would be that you just can't accept that your relationship with her is over and that she shouldn't be part of your life anymore. Dig deep and be honest with yourself. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 ^She is very manipulative and this is exactly why I had to come here because I think she is playing games with me. But it is up to her whether or not she wants to make the mistake. I still have not responded but my gut still churns hoping she makes good decisions. She can be one of those people that say "well I already ****ed up so I might as well live in the moment." And go the whole nine yards and continue to put herself at risk sleeping with more guys and what not. She's not your problem or worry anymore. She's an adult who's making her own decisions. I'm sure it's just her making some lame excuse for you to engage w/her since you may be ignoring her the past few days. Her words of "I'll always love you" are simply BS... If she "loved you" she wouldn't of gotten pounded by another guy, no matter how drunk she was. If you're TRULY worded, let her parents or friends know what she's doing and block her on everything. Then, worry about YOU and your healing so you can move onto someone who's not a drunk, self destructive ho-bag.. 1
Author Elcielo84 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 Thanks so much guys. I am going to let her go I just really care about people. I know I went through a phase like this before and it took me awhile to get back on my feet. I was drinking way too much and it almost killed me. Now I never cheated on anyone its just that I gave up on my life at one point and it kills me to see someone going down that same path.
Morphine Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Block her number! I am not sure what phone you have, but you can create spam list! She will think you have received the text, but in fact you won't see it! This is what I have done! Yes, she can still use different phone to txt you from, BUT why would she? She thinks you are ingoring her msg! I'd love that my ex would write something like this to me....but it prolong the inevitable - this is over, there is no hope for us. 1
Author Elcielo84 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 Block her number! I am not sure what phone you have, but you can create spam list! She will think you have received the text, but in fact you won't see it! This is what I have done! Yes, she can still use different phone to txt you from, BUT why would she? She thinks you are ingoring her msg! I'd love that my ex would write something like this to me....but it prolong the inevitable - this is over, there is no hope for us. I blocked her number but I still get her texts. She was trying to call me before she sent the text that said what it did. I feel bad but I refuse to talk to her for awhile. She still has a bunch of **** over at my place because she can't really take it where she is staying right now. How long should I give her to get her **** out? Once again thank you guys so much for the support. I just have never been part of something like this and as much as I care about her I still feel so betrayed. And she is trying to get me to respond knowing that I can be gullible... Not anymore though. No more Mr. Nice guy.
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