Hit by massive depression this past week. Will I ever get over her?

[jen1447]

NC ≠ answers. You can't have one with the other unless you got the answers first.

[ravfour4]

Lmao at mighty's first comment. You always have me cracking up with those crude remarks

[Eesybakeoven21]

Almost 3 months complete NC. I don't know where else to turn. These past 4 days have gone by so slow. I'll i do is think about the good times we had. She is literally on my mind 24/7. I feel like I haven't made any progress in three months. I'm coming close to breaking my sobriety. Last night after the gym and kickboxing... it took every ounce of willpower not to stop by the liquor store. I don't know if I'll make it home without buying a bottle tonight though. I truly love this girl, and I know she loves me. I have no closure. The last thing she said to me was "leave me the **** alone, I have a new man" how??? How can that really be how we end?? We were best friends, she even said that more than me. I don't have any anger towards this new guy. I SINCERLEY hope he makes her happy. Ever since I asked her to be my gf, her happiness was all I ever wanted for her. I just don't understand how people can give up... when we promised eachother throught that we never would. That God made us for eachother. She called us soulmates.

 

I don't want to sleep. I'll either dream about her or dream about my deployment. Sometimes they mix wich is an utter nightmare. The best sleep I've got since the war was in bed next to her. Now I'm alone. I'm haunted constantly by the darkness. I see ghosts, hear screams and now they involve her. (I'm in very intense therapy, don't worry) I workout, I fight, I'm a good looking guy. But I have zero game now, I feel like woman are repulsed by me and I don't know why. I think because she took my confidence with her when she left. I just want this nightmare to be over, I want to go back in time and hold her one last time.

[aloneinaz]

I'm sorry buddy that you're hurting so much. Understand, you will get better but your haven't reached "acceptance" yet that it's over. As you know from reading these threads, there's no magic "cure" to recover from a broken heart. One thing you have to do if get her off the pedestal you have her on. She's your past and you'll feel better about the situation when you accept that.

 

 

You indicate you're a good looking guy. Go on some casual dates to get some female companionship. You don't have to hook up or look for your next GF. Just spending time with some females for laughs will REALLY help your outlook and your self esteem. I'd certainly recommend that you don't bring up and share your heartbreak about your ex.

 

 

I'd also strongly recommend that you cut yourself some slack as well. You're already dealing and coping with your return home deployment stress and this break up. Be proud of yourself for navigating thru it. It's going to have rough spots and good days and bad days.

 

 

Personally, stay away from booze. It will only make things worse. Alcohol exasperates depression and sadness and people make poor decisions while lubed up on it. You don't won't to get drunk and contact your ex..

 

 

Hang tough my friend. Post here as you need some support and lean on your therapist and family/friends. Stay NC and you'll get through this.

 

 

Thanks for your service as well!

[FaithInMe]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

 

I can relate to the dreams. Sometimes mine are sad or nightmares, and others are happy ones. With the nightmares I'm grateful when I wake up. The happy ones? Well that sucks when I wake up and realize it was a dream. Then the sadness kicks in all over again. I take a deep breath, and move forward.

 

I have had a rough year, for many reasons (i.e. the death of my dad), and the recent BU was the last straw. I have been struggling with depression too, and I am now seeing a counselor. What I learned from all of this is that I need to ease up on myself, not be so down on myself, and to give myself a break.

 

We are only human, and we are only meant to handle so much at once. It's okay if you've hit your breaking point. Most of the people here have been there.

 

Maybe we don't have issues with alcohol, but a lot of us have our own demons to manage. I know that you know that you will not find the answers there, and it will not make you feel better. Otherwise, you wouldn't have made this post, right?

 

I hope that instead of going there, you will continue to come here for support. There are a lot of kind people here, willing to help you work through this.

 

((((HUGS))))

[awkwardme]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know these are just words but I hope you can find some comfort in them.

 

I don't know why you guys broke up but in my situation, I just thought about all the things she did to hurt me over the good times we had because if you 2 were always on a good term, you would still be together.

 

Just remind yourself that she isn't everything. Way too many people out there to be thinking about 1 person. Some people lie and manipulate your feelings to get their own happiness and when that is over, they have no problem dropping you like you never existed.

 

Think about the bad times and how she treated you. This worked for me and I got over my girl in 1 day because right now you're still blinded by your feelings and don't want to see that she hurt you somewhere along that relationship. There were signs and you just need to remember the BS she put you through.

 

Trust me, it's not the end of the world. You have so much to look forward to. Go out and hang out with friends and family, they do wonders for you. Don't try to look for someone, the right one will show up when you're having fun and least expect it. Take care and keep up your sobriety.

[CryMeARiver]

I'm going thru a breakup as well, serial cheating etc involved. My ex declared on FB in 3 days he was in a relationship with the woman he left me for. It is horrible.

 

Don't let this chick be your downfall hon. It can't and won't always feel that bad. It's wonderful you are being physically active etc it will pay off! I've been told to fake it till I make it, perhaps you might try the same. For now I am taking it day by day... And working hard to eliminate triggers or any online clashes as fat as pics of the ex an new love. Why? Because I don't deserve the kind of hurt. You don't either. Don't fall off the wagon...don't go backwards. I've seen too many people in life literally drink themselves to death and when they do die , they have a bunch of pain and unhappiness left behind. Please don't let this be you. You deserve much more. Let's concentrate not on the how's or whys but leta keep tring to get back into the sun.

[Eesybakeoven21]

This past week has been the hardest so far. It's almost feels like my first week of NC. Last night I went out to dinner with my best 3 guy friends. It was fun and we laughed so hard. I have a very funny personality and always have them cracking up. Same in my relationships, I've always had my gf's laughing hysterically.

 

I've been doing a lot of processing lately seeing how I've been isolating. I've had much time to think to myself. I think the hardest part about letting go of my ex is this: I've had 2 serious relationships in my life and one semi- serious relationship. All three of them have been verbally abusive, my most recent was physically abusive, and two of them left me for another man. So when people tell me "don't worry man, there's someone out there who you deserve and will treat you right..." Well it's hard for me to believe that when all I've known is these girl that I fall head over heels for and they are so mean to me. How am I supposed to move on when all I know is that woman are hurtful and selfish? It's like it's my new programming... Which brings me to my recent ex, almost 3 months NC. God, I miss her so much. My heart aches and longs for her. But she was def the meanest of the three... Yet, the one I loved the most and having the hardest time moving on from. She promised she would never hurt me, and yet she did it all the time... She even ended by hurting me and hasn't looked back. I don't know how people can be so cruel.

 

Also, I miss being physical with a girl. Especially after this recent girlfriend... the sex was great and more frequent than I could wrap my head around. We had great chemistry. I miss that most not going to lie... and I'm worried that I'm going to find some girl that is perfect for me, but she's going to be a prude... And I won't be able to recreate that lust, and raw sexual energy I had with my ex. Is that shallow? Or an unrealistic fear?

[Xiomn]

Last year I was sitting in my room, depressed as hell, I had just finished my last year of university, made like 1 friend the entire year, went out clubbing lots of times, never met anyone special and by the end of the year I still had never been in a relationship my entire life, never even as so much asked a girl out on a date before. I sat there thinking to myself, I'm still a virgin and I had the fear that I would graduate in 2 years time, still never have been in a relationship before and still a virgin. 1 year later I can now say I'm not a virgin and I've happily been in a 10 month relationship.

 

Point being, you have fears of not being able to create something again in the future. That's how I felt, 3 months after feeling completely hopeless and depressed because of my situation I got into my very first relationship which I never would of thought would happen in a billion years. When people say you'll meet someone new in the future, it seems hard to believe, but now I know now that it's probably true. Don't give up.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Xiomn