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Posted

Hi guys, this is an update. Well today, I found out from my ex, the STD was because he cheated on me. I agreed I would pay for everything as he was not willing. The only thing I asked him. was could I use him as an emergency contact. He agreed.

 

Yesterday I attended the clinic for a consultation. They took bloods etc, I think I was in shock or just the stress of being alone. I fainted/passed out whilst there. They brought me around, I was fine. All I needed was water and air.

 

The clinic asked to contact my emergency contact, I agreed. My ex panicked at what happened and out of guilt he confessed that he cheated and it was a recent STD he picked up.

 

I'm heartbroken. I'm finding the strength in me to have a termination as it is not the right thing for me, but I feel broken. He broke me. He didn't apologise. He said I drove him to look for someone on a night out, as I wouldn't commit to moving into his house.

 

All I asked was when did this happen, I just want to tell my doctor when I contracted this so I can receive the right care and move forward. He replied in the last 8 weeks.

 

I feel like I can't breathe right now. We have been together in the past 8 weeks, gone out, laughed, joked, cried. I can't understand how he could do that and then continue to sleep with me, tell him he loves me and ask me to move in. I feel sick.

 

He blames me and said I made him do it because of how I treated him. I need the strength and courage to get on with my life. I still love him but I never want to know him again.

 

He has played the victim and left me to deal with everything myself. I will go alone to the clinic and I just want to forget him. How can anyone treat someone like this?

 

What can I do to just move on from him? He asked me to contact him" once it's sorted"but I don't want to as I feel he's lost the right. But is it unfair if I leave him out in cold now?

Posted

Oh honey, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I know you feel alone and hurt and betrayed and this is a very dark time for you. I promise you it can only get better from here. Take the time to feel the grief and frustration of your situation, and try to just focus on taking care of yourself.

 

I know you can't see this right now in the midst of the turmoil, but you have some things to be proud of yourself for. You have taken care of yourself all on your own, and have done the right thing so you can start healing soon. I promise you, you will see the light some time soon. You've managed to pick yourself up and get treatment, and you were there for yourself when nobody else was. This is something you need to hold on to. You've learned that no matter what life throws at you, you can handle it, and you can pull yourself up from a bad situation. You don't need him.

 

I know it feels lonely, but you can build the life that you want for yourself, as you are enough. You need to work on building a support system and self-confidence to be happy on your own. These are things that nobody will ever be able to take away from you.

 

You've picked the wrong guy, and you absolutely don't deserve to be treated the way he treated you. Don't blame yourself for his shortcomings. Just know that next time you will take the time to pick a guy who will be better for you.

 

You will have many questions from here on out about why, how could somebody be so mean, and why you. Let me tell you right now that you won't find the answers anywhere else other than in yourself. You already have all the information you need to process what happened. Take the time to reflect on this, and focus on moving forward. Focus on how you will better choose your guy the next time around. Start NC immediately, and focus on you. I know it's the classic answer, but you will find all the answers that you need after the storm has passed, and you don't need him for that. It's a tough journey ahead but you've already come this far to do what's right for you. I hope you have the strength to carry on and get better without him, because you're enough to make yourself happy. Keep your head up and focus on what's good about you and your life. Find the nuggets of happiness and hold on to those. Eventually you will find more and more of them, and things won't seem so bad. Lean on others as much as you need and don't give up.

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Posted

Start NC immediately, and focus on you. I know it's the classic answer, but you will find all the answers that you need after the storm has passed, and you don't need him for that.

 

Thank you for the great response. Do you think I should contact him as he said to tell him or just leave it. I don't feel like I do not want him to know anything anymore. He's not bothered tbh, he just wants piece of mind that I've had the termination so he's safe.

Posted
I'm finding the strength in me to have a termination as it is not the right thing for me, but I feel broken. He broke me.

 

This is slightly concerning to me, if having a termination is not the right thing for you, and as he is obviously not going to be in the picture any more, then you may need to revisit your decision.

I know it doesn't seem so right now, but this man is just a blip in your life, a few years and you will wonder what you ever saw in him.

 

I have no idea of your wider circumstances here, but I think if you get a termination FOR him and because he expects you to, then I feel you will regret it later.

Posted
Start NC immediately, and focus on you. I know it's the classic answer, but you will find all the answers that you need after the storm has passed, and you don't need him for that.

 

Thank you for the great response. Do you think I should contact him as he said to tell him or just leave it. I don't feel like I do not want him to know anything anymore. He's not bothered tbh, he just wants piece of mind that I've had the termination so he's safe.

 

If you *honestly* feel like it will save you grief down the line in terms of him trying to contact you all the time to find out, then send him one text or email summarizing the situation so that you don't need to be in contact anymore. The most important thing is that you in your head don't hang on to this thread, and that you understand that you're doing this to move on, not to get any confirmation, emotional support, reassurance from him or whatever. You just need to sever all ties as cleanly as possible and be free of him as soon as you can.

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