Calling or Texting to Set Up a Dinner Date? And What to Include in the Message?

[highseas]

The context: I have "hung out" a few times with a woman in her mid 20s. We arranged all of our prior one on one meetings through texts (some might be "dates" but there is ambiguity there). However, this time I want to take her out on a proper dinner date at a sit-down restaurant that is unambiguously a "date". I'm wondering what women in their 20s today believe to be proper or preferred form of communication in this situation? Would they prefer that a proper date be arranged through a phone call or through a text message? I noticed last time she texted me a day before our meeting to ask if it was still on. That caught me by surprise a bit because my notion was unless it was cancelled, it was on but apparently she had a different notion. (Plus, I feel that "confirming" gives the other party an excuse to say she is busy when she already said yes in the first place).

 

If it should be done through texting, how much detail should the first text message be? Just ask if she would be interested in dinner sometime, and when? (without specific restaurant?) Or a more detailed message like below: I was thinking of a text that includes these elements (1) how are you? (2) I would like to take you out to dinner (3) here are a couple of restaurants that I have in mind but I'm open to suggestions (4) what time next week works for you? maybe Friday or Saturday (instead of giving her a specific date that she has to conform to). (I would also like to go hang out together prior to the dinner; how do I incorporate that into the message? or only ask after she said yes to the dinner?)

 

What do you think? I presume that the same information would be conveyed if it's a phone call. But it seems that the text would start to get a bit long. Would that be a problem? Also, how many days in advance should I do this? 3-5 days? Say I want to aim for Friday or Saturday.

Edited July 25, 2015 by highseas

[scorpiogirl]

Tuesday or Wednesday for the latest to ensure she doesn't book up her free time.

 

I know you're in your 20s, but the words " hang out"'are too overused. You hang out with your buddies. Use correct verbs for what it is you want to do, in order to avoid any ambiguity.

 

Given that she's in her 20s, she might be fine with a text, but in my twenties ( I'm 37 now), preferred phone calls. They show a higher level of interest. An emoticon doesn't actually convey an emotion.

There's nothing like hearing the voice of the person you're interested in.

 

With texting there's too much back and forth. And, as you said, the text gets too long. All this can be done in a quick call.

 

Say you'd like to take her out to dinner if she's free on Saturday. Say where you were thinking of making your reservation. If she doesn't know it, tell her what they serve as she might have certain dietary requirements.

" I thought we could take a walk in the park before dinner/ grab a light dessert and people watch" or something.

 

Show her you have definite plans but that you're also flexible if, as you said she might be busy on either Friday or Saturday, might prefer a stroll to sitting after her meal, etc.

 

No "hang out". Be clear that it's a date

 

Good luck.

[highseas]

Thank you for your perspective. I'm actually in my mid 30s but she is in her mid 20s, that's why I'm not sure what the "norm" is "these days" for their age group. I seem to get the sense that they prefer text, but I can't be sure (but my question is a bit more specific: do they prefer text or call when arranging a proper date, not just in general). I agree with you that something like this would be easily taken care of in a short phone call...

 

Yes, I agree I will definitely leave out the "hang out" phrase. I will use "I would like to take you out to dinner" or something similar. I don't know if I will use "I would like to take you out on a date" though, since that may give her some pressure. I like her but I am not sure if she likes me or not even though we have been on one-on-one "gatherings" if you will.

[elaine567]

I don't know if I will use "I would like to take you out on a date" though, since that may give her some pressure. I like her but I am not sure if she likes me or not even though we have been on one-on-one "gatherings" if you will.

 

 

Leave no room for error, make it perfectly clear it is a date.

Nothing worse than leaning in to kiss her and she getting shocked and annoyed, as she thought it was just a friend thing...

If she doesn't want a date, then at last you know where you stand.

[highseas]

Any additional perspectives on calling vs. texting (for women in their mid-20s)?

 

She also just emerged from a previous relationship and may not be open to getting into a serious relationship yet. Should I approach it as a "hang out" to lessen the pressure or make sure it's a "date" and force an outcome so to speak? I was thinking of making it clear it's a date, but her relationship background is making me think twice whether to push her dating envelop.

 

But I suppose dating can also be "non-serious" right? In that case, even just emerging from a relationship shouldn't be an impediment to her dating. I am rather confused. I really like her and don't want to mess things up.