Letter to the Ex. Posting here instead of sending to her...

[ForsakenSoul]

I loved you, did you not see?

I cared for you, did you not feel?

I sang to you, did you not hear?

 

I worshipped you, I was so wrong.

I made you my world, and that was my mistake.

I let my life start to revolve around you,

And that was my mistake as well.

 

I was learning... I really was...

I wish you would've given me an honest chance.

 

A thick layer of jade now encrusts my heart.

Jade can be beautiful, but it can be chipped, and cracked away,

and will need to be, next time I love.

 

I will no longer give myself fully.

I will no longer commit myself quickly.

I will no longer offer the completeness of my soul in such a short time.

 

These things will have to be won.

These things will have to be earned.

These things will have to be pried from a heart turned cold,

Cold like the snowfall, on a distant blue mountain.

 

I tore down my wall for you, instead of letting you do it.

I lit the demolition charge with the fires of my lust.

The walls came crumbling down, under my mad charge of wanting a woman I had desired for so very long.

 

I had other prospects, but I chose you.

I had dreams, and you fit, so I chose you.

I had goals, and I could see a path, and I chose you.

 

I wonder what I was to you?

A tool, to make you feel better?

A tool, to make a love return?

A tool, to ease your suffering?

Most definitely a tool.

 

Did you love me?

Did you ever feel for me like I did for you?

Did you ever mean the words you said?

Did you ever really see us together?

 

You swam to my island when the boat you were in sunk, then as soon as it was repaired, you hopped back aboard.

 

I wanted to make it work.

I wanted to have your help and support.

I wanted to help and support you.

I wanted your love.

I wanted to love you.

I wanted to be part of your life.

I wanted you and your family to be a part of mine.

I was extremely sincere when I told you the things I did.

I wanted you to want me.

I knew you had baggage. I wanted to help you carry it.

 

I was utterly happy with you, until you started pushing me away.

 

I no longer care.

I no longer see.

I no longer hear.

 

I no longer care.

I no longer see.

I no longer hear.

 

I can't allow myself to.

 

So many lessons, in such a short time. I'm glad I learned them.

 

They make me a better person, and some lucky woman is going to be soo very grateful for your teachings.

 

Life is ahead of me. And the prospects are amazing.

 

I have skill, I have soul, I have passions, I have goals, I have dreams, I have intense drive, I have life.

 

I treasure the fact that I am a blank slate, and my story has yet to be written. I'm very grateful for my lack of an overly difficult and turbulent past.

 

I once again treasure myself.

 

My emotions make me who I am, and the depths of my emotions are a gift. They allow me passions and experiences no average human can imagine.

 

It's your loss. I loved you completely, and you threw it on my doorstep, like so much unwanted junkmail.

 

You could've tried.

 

You could've at least tried...

 

I would've been so very good to you.

 

I would've worked hard to support us. I would've supported you through, and cheered you on through school. I would've pushed you to excel, to reach the potential I know you have within you. I would've been there to play with the boys, and to help take care of them. I would've sat and read with them, and taught them, and helped them. We could've grown together. We had so much potential, you and I. I would've leaned on you when I needed strength, and my strength would've been there for you. I would've made you feel loved for the rest of your days. I would've loved you unconditionally for the rest of mine.

 

I've let go now, but I never wanted to.

 

Letting go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

After having done that, I know there's nothing in this world I cannot accomplish.

 

-FS

[ConfusedInOC]

I feel your pain, but don't ever send this to her.....

[xxsilverdragonxx]

I agree. This is very emotional. Save this, but do not send.

[ForsakenSoul]

I will definitely not be sending this...

 

I pulled it off my livejournal account as well, just in case she looks.

 

-FS

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by ForsakenSoul

I will definitely not be sending this...

 

I pulled it off my livejournal account as well, just in case she looks.

 

-FS

 

Are you in NC mode right now? If so, don't post anything on your journal that might allude you are missing her.

[ForsakenSoul]

I'm in NC as far as emails, text, phone, etc. But have posted a line at the end of a writing the other day.

 

"Been thinking about the past relationship. I really miss talking to her"

 

And was talking about how my world had been shaken up, and really instilled some drive into me.

 

That was it.

 

Sounds like I need to curtail completely. If she looked this morning, she would've seen that letter. I'm now hoping she didn't.

 

-FS

[MangoTango]

Listen up all my fellow break-upees. You are broken up for a reason - whatever you do don't do what I did and that was to break no contact.

 

I was on week 3 and then freaked and called. He wanted to work things out but had an attitude. I didn't call to beg him to take me back or grovel - I opened my heart and said I loved him and missed him and wanted to do anything to make it work. He agreed and wanted the same.

 

But boy oh boy was he a pit viper waiting to attack at the least little thing. He struck today and I just said I made a mistake calling - it could never work and go the phone slammed down on me.

 

When you break no contact it gives the other person way too much power.

 

At least now I can move forward. I gave it my all and was vulnerable - willing to do anything, etc. But just got a big fat slap in the face so he literally gave me a wake up call as to why this relationship could never work.

 

Stupid me - I had to see ONE MORE TIME what an arrogant jackass he is.....I didn't get enough the first time I guess.

 

I guarantee you this - I'm in no contact with this jerk until my last day on earth. I paid the price and learned the hard way - don't be the one to break no contact! Let go and move on!

[demonfall]

Wow. I haven't cried in a couple of weeks, but that brought it on pretty quick. Very emotional, and I feel your pain. I really do.

 

It's good you didn't send it though. I wrote a few letters to my ex, most over a page long, but never gave them to her. I think it's enough to get it out of your system, even if no one else ever sees it.

[xxsilverdragonxx]

Originally posted by demonfall

I think it's enough to get it out of your system, even if no one else ever sees it.

 

I agree, and am thinking also about writing the phantom letter to my "ghost" ex. I think as long as you do it for healing purposes, it can only bring you closer to closure.

 

Another way to look at this would be if you wrote a deceased loved one a letter, just saying things that maybe they didn't see, or how you felt about them, or something you didn't get to tell them.

 

I have to think of my exgf as being dead. And if you want to think deeply, then your ex for the most part is dead to you. They are alive(hopefully), but your life together passed away. The sooner you can hold on to this idea, and even I have faltered some, the sooner you will get everything sorted out. It does help.

 

Keep your heads up. Don't let 'em drag.

[mixwell]

Wow that was a good letter man !! I know how you feel.. I could apply that poem to my ex and it would fit 100% except the kids part though.. That was a very emotional writing !! I wonder what our ex's would think if we sent them a letter like that ?? Do you think it would get through to them ??

[ForsakenSoul]

I don't dare think about it too much.

 

All I'd be doing is trying to get her back.

 

I want her love back so bad.

 

If I thought it would help, I'd have already sent it, and I just can't let her see me this weak.

 

As it is, I'm all too tempted to send it anyway, and damn the results.

 

-FS