Lansing Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I think it's more like the straw that broke the camel's back. It's happens more often than not. I don't date traditionally anymore, I just make plans with friends and invite. If she shows up cool, if not I just go on about my night. You don't think you are missing some opportunities there? Not ever girl would be comfortable hanging out with a bunch of strangers on a first get together. Or, maybe you just want to screen for girls that are more extroverts? Personally, I am not huge on hanging on in groups of people I don't know well. I am much better one on one. If a girl asked me out to a group thing I would have to really consider it and what the activity was before deciding to go or not.
DaisyBug Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 jay, read wb's post above (no. 115) listing the reasons why women flake, don't respond, etc. I love DaisyBug, but she just added to his list: "Women who create a profile with no intention of meeting, they are only there to lurk." DB, if I misinterpreted, my apologies, but that is how I read your post. Which is okay BTW, if lurking is all you want to do. But I can see how it might be frustrating for the guys who message you and want to chat with and meet you. Trust me, my profile would scare away most men, and that was intentional, since I didn't want anyone to waste my time or vice versa. It's pretty straightforward about who should not bother... I also forewarn them that I'm unsure about OLD in the first place. I didn't have any photos to "tease" anyone into responding, so it's not like I was doing anything deceptive. Besides, most people search profiles with the "photos only" box checked in the first place, so I didn't get many responses anyway. Come to think of it, I did see one guy with potential and wrote to him a nice PM. He never responded, which was kind of a bummer, but that's the way it goes...
jay1983 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 You don't think you are missing some opportunities there? Not ever girl would be comfortable hanging out with a bunch of strangers on a first get together. Or, maybe you just want to screen for girls that are more extroverts? Personally, I am not huge on hanging on in groups of people I don't know well. I am much better one on one. If a girl asked me out to a group thing I would have to really consider it and what the activity was before deciding to go or not. Why don't you bring a friend?
Maleficent Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Not fake, just no photo. Not many guys respond to a woman with no photo, which is how I like it. I didn't join to get picked up on, but to see what it's like out there, and if I saw someone I liked I would have joined. Still, you had a profile with no intention of meeting anybody. Did you reply to the people who were contacting you?
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Trust me, my profile would scare away most men, and that was intentional, since I didn't want anyone to waste my time or vice versa. It's pretty straightforward about who should not bother... I also forewarn them that I'm unsure about OLD in the first place. I didn't have any photos to "tease" anyone into responding, so it's not like I was doing anything deceptive. Besides, most people search profiles with the "photos only" box checked in the first place, so I didn't get many responses anyway. Come to think of it, I did see one guy with potential and wrote to him a nice PM. He never responded, which was kind of a bummer, but that's the way it goes... Oh I know you were not doing anything deceptive or teasing, you or anyone has the right to be on a dating site for whatever reason you (or they) want. I was just explaining to jay why Maleficent "may" have made that comment tis all.
Maleficent Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Oh I know you were not doing anything deceptive or teasing, you or anyone has the right to be on a dating site for whatever reason you (or they) want. I was just explaining to jay why Maleficent "may" have made that comment tis all. You got me right. Men's main complaint is that they get no responses. Having a profile on OLD implies there is a person looking to meet people on the other side regardless of the content (profile and picture). It is still deceitful and just looks like one more person ignoring message. If you want to lurk, use Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.
jay1983 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 You got me right. Men's main complaint is that they get no responses. Having a profile on OLD implies there is a person looking to meet people on the other side regardless of the content (profile and picture). It is still deceitful and just looks like one more person ignoring message. If you want to lurk, use Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Oh come on Mal. A profile with no pic or anything, just browsing?
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 You got me right. Men's main complaint is that they get no responses. Having a profile on OLD implies there is a person looking to meet people on the other side regardless of the content (profile and picture). It is still deceitful and just looks like one more person ignoring message. If you want to lurk, use Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. I am not familiar with OLD (did it very briefly many years ago), but does one have to actually create a profile to browse ...or lurk? I have been been tempted to lurk around myself, even tho I am in a relationship. I mean after hearing so many stories, I am just really curious about it! Would never create an actual profile though.
Maleficent Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Oh come on Mal. A profile with no pic or anything, just browsing? Oh come on Jay. If you're not there to meet and connect with people, you have no business on OLD sites.
Maleficent Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I am not familiar with OLD (did it very briefly many years ago), but does one have to actually create a profile to browse ...or lurk? I have been been tempted to lurk around myself, even tho I am in a relationship. I mean after hearing so many stories, I am just really curious about it! Would never create an actual profile though. I think so, yes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not super offended by this. It's just that so many people are creating fake profiles to experiment or lurk or get validation it has a negative effect on the experience of people who are genuinely looking to meet someone.
DaisyBug Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 You got me right. Men's main complaint is that they get no responses. Having a profile on OLD implies there is a person looking to meet people on the other side regardless of the content (profile and picture). It is still deceitful and just looks like one more person ignoring message. If you want to lurk, use Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Even that white-haired eHarmony dude encourages people to sign up just to take a look. If you think it's deceitful, too bad. That's just extreme. You are not entitled to a response in the first place if the person is not interested. I used to respond if someone wrote, to at least thank them for writing even though I wasn't interested. Then, this one dude wrote to me from a jillion miles away even though my profile insisted locals only, and got pissy when I nicely turned him down. So, i make sure to say in my profile that I may not respond to everyone if I'm not interested, but thank you for writing. When men have such a hard time with rejection and get agitated, even when you're being polite, is it any wonder why women don't want to respond?
katiegrl Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I think so, yes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not super offended by this. It's just that so many people are creating fake profiles to experiment or lurk or get validation it has a negative effect on the experience of people who are genuinely looking to meet someone. I hear ya, but perhaps it's best to only message women with photos then. Then again, I am sure there *are* women who are only there to get attention or lurk who DO have photos uploaded, so not sure what to tell ya about that. Buy Daisy is not part of that category of women, as she did not post photos... Just sain. 2
DaisyBug Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 If you're not there to meet and connect with people, you have no business on OLD sites. I did go online to hopefully meet someone, but to be the looker and not the lookee. I didn't want to go all-in because there are too many creeps out there, and I just wanted to test the waters. I see now that it's a waste of time and glad I didn't go all in.
NewLeaf512 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I did go online to hopefully meet someone, but to be the looker and not the lookee. I didn't want to go all-in because there are too many creeps out there, and I just wanted to test the waters. I see now that it's a waste of time and glad I didn't go all in. Although I've never tried it and it seems the OP has given up on OLD what about a meet up group in your locality on a topic of interest?
Author oberkeat Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 I'm sure someone else has already touched on this, but couldn't the same exact thing be said of you? (Before you got your feelings hurt and deleted your profile, that is.) Or does that whole red flag, mentally unstable, immature thing only apply to WOMEN that are online dating and not men? That's easy to answer. Like most men, I turned to OLD in the first place because worthwhile women I encounter IRL are usually taken. I gave OLD a shot on the chance that maybe it could be a good way to meet some stable, attractive, mature single women with halfway decent social skills. There were none to be found on any of these OLD sites. Only flakes like Ashleigh, and that's why I've sworn off OLD for good.
Author oberkeat Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) I guess I'm just too simple and old to get it. If you are having trouble dating, how is exuding anger and bitterness at the entire female gender going to HELP your chances.... Maybe I'm missing something For the record, I never said anywhere in this thread that the entire female gender is to blame for my negative experiences. Only that OLD is generally a waste of time for guys looking to find high quality women who are serious about finding relationships. That's my takeaway from my roughly two years on and off using OLD sites. Edited July 27, 2015 by oberkeat
DaisyBug Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Although I've never tried it and it seems the OP has given up on OLD what about a meet up group in your locality on a topic of interest? That's what I started doing, though the only meet-ups I've done so far are ladies-only. I'm really enjoying it. Next weekend will be my first mixed meet-up. Would be nice if I could find a nice guy through one of these groups, but I'm going to get out and have fun regardless. Too many vultures on OLD. This ol' girl doesn't move that fast.
Superman2024 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 OP, I had almost the exact same thing happen to me the other day. Her name was even the same but spelled differently, haha. One evening she agreed to all the specifics of a date and then the next morning she had blocked me on Facebook (which she had added me on in the first place). I was surprised and frustrated and simply asked her what happened and if she got scared (no answer of course). I've had good luck going out for ice cream on the first meet. It's casual, fun, and inexpensive and I can extend the date to a walk or dinner later if things are going well. In fact, I just had a wonderful first meet today. Yes, OLD can be frustrating and it seems like finding success is equivalent to hitting the lottery but there are some good ones on there. I wouldn't entirely rely on OLD though either.
Maleficent Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I did go online to hopefully meet someone, but to be the looker and not the lookee. I didn't want to go all-in because there are too many creeps out there, and I just wanted to test the waters. I see now that it's a waste of time and glad I didn't go all in. Perhaps you should have mentionned that from the start? I understood that you signed up to lurk as in look at profiles for fun...
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