Perrier Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Short of not dating anyone at all, he's not "allowing" anything to happen. It's on the women, not on him. He's doing his part, they aren't. They are in charge of their own behavior. I agree the women are responsible for their own behaviour however OP has experienced this several times from the same source i.e. OLD. He knows that score yet hopes the next encounter would be different. Therefore he is allowing that to happen on some level, by not taking responsibility for the results he keeps getting (from same source). 1
Phoe Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 *sigh* I'm sorry you've been flaked on, but honestly you've gone overboard with your reaction. So, in essence, you're telling every woman on this forum who has used OLD, that she is mentally unstable, immature, and unattractive. Because women who are the opposite of those 3, don't need OLD. Thanks? 5
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 OLD actually works for a lot of people. So maybe the problem is with how you conduct yourself. Being flaked on once and awhile happens to everyone. But when it happens 3x in a row, you might want to stop and reflect a bit. For instance planning a date w-a reservation for an online meet up? That comes off like you're trying way too hard and puts all sorts of pressure and expectations on it. Meeting at a nice (not super fancy or upscale) place, reserving a spot so there's no chance of us waiting awkwardly because the crowd's too big, was me planning ahead and putting my best foot forward, not raising expectations or trying to impress. One guy I read about on these forums had as his first meeting chatting in a walmart parking lot. I agree the women are responsible for their own behaviour however OP has experienced this several times from the same source i.e. OLD. He knows that score yet hopes the next encounter would be different. Therefore he is allowing that to happen on some level, by not taking responsibility for the results he keeps getting (from same source). Some folks love to blame the victim.
GemmaUK Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Viewing profiles, sending messages, picking a place, setting up a time, making a reservation is all time consuming. Nobody likes having their time wasted with flakey behavior, and if it happened to you several times, you'd be understandably annoyed. It has happened to me more times than I remember Oberkeat. I just put it down to that guy and move on. I refuse to waste energy on flakey behaviour. Why do you waste energy on it? Where does it get you? 1
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Meeting at a nice (not super fancy or upscale) place, reserving a spot so there's no chance of us waiting awkwardly because the crowd's too big, was me planning ahead and putting my best foot forward, not raising expectations or trying to impress. One guy I read about on these forums had as his first meeting chatting in a walmart parking lot. Putting your best foot forward is for you to shave, shower, put your best polo-shirt on, bring your gentleman ways and show up on time. A first meeting at a park, a coffee shop, an ice cream place, is very appropriate. 4
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Meeting at a nice (not super fancy or upscale) place, reserving a spot so there's no chance of us waiting awkwardly because the crowd's too big, was me planning ahead and putting my best foot forward, not raising expectations or trying to impress. One guy I read about on these forums had as his first meeting chatting in a walmart parking lot. Some folks love to blame the victim. oberkeat, I think if you are guilty of anything, it's choosing the wrong women to meet/pursue. Wondering, do you chat a bit on line AND on phone BEFORE you meet, or before you even ask them to meet? To determine if there is a genuine interest and connection even on some small level? 1
Phoe Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 The right mindset is "Ashleigh is a flake and not worth dating." NOT "Every woman on OLD is a flake and not worth dating" Big difference there. 6
lil hoodlum Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Putting your best foot forward is for you to shave, shower, put your best polo-shirt on, bring your gentleman ways and show up on time. A first meeting at a park, a coffee shop, an ice cream place, is very appropriate. I like to go feed the ducks when the weather is nice for a first meet and greet. 4
fitnessfan365 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Meeting at a nice (not super fancy or upscale) place, reserving a spot so there's no chance of us waiting awkwardly because the crowd's too big, was me planning ahead and putting my best foot forward, not raising expectations or trying to impress. One guy I read about on these forums had as his first meeting chatting in a walmart parking lot. That's the thing though. She's a complete stranger. You have to meet her first to establish if you click and if she's worth the effort. Also, by keeping it low key you're taking pressure off her. She won't be worried about you feeling entitled to anything extra. But with a dinner date, there's more money spent, etc.. 4
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Putting your best foot forward is for you to shave, shower, put your best polo-shirt on, bring your gentleman ways and show up on time. A first meeting at a park, a coffee shop, an ice cream place, is very appropriate. Did all those things too. Nobody seems to appreciate it. oberkeat, I think if you are guilty of anything, it's choosing the wrong women to meet/pursue. Wondering, do you chat a bit on line AND on phone BEFORE you meet, or before you even ask them to meet? To determine if there is a genuine interest and connection even on some small level? I do. With the last one, we actually skyped for a couple days before meeting. Still flaked after date 1.
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I like to go feed the ducks when the weather is nice for a first meet and greet. Sweet!! Maybe bring some cheese and fruit? Personally speaking, I would love that!
lil hoodlum Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 oberkeat, I think if you are guilty of anything, it's choosing the wrong women to meet/pursue. Wondering, do you chat a bit on line AND on phone BEFORE you meet, or before you even ask them to meet? To determine if there is a genuine interest and connection even on some small level? I agree with katiegrl. I never ask someone out with out first talking on the phone. You can tell alot about someone by talking on the phone. I mean what if you can't stand the way their voice sounds or something. Are the difficult to get a hold of? Easy to talk to? Do you hear what sounds like 20 yelling or screaming kids in the background high on kool-aid? 4
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Did all those things too. Nobody seems to appreciate it. I do. **With the last one, we actually skyped for a couple days before meeting. Still flaked after date 1.*** Well at least she met you. It is not uncommon for a person to realize after first meet/date, that the person they just met is not right for them. They just weren't "feeling it," as they say. No biggie, life goes on, next!
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 The right mindset is "Ashleigh is a flake and not worth dating." NOT "Every woman on OLD is a flake and not worth dating" Big difference there. I'm not convinced, Phoe. No offense to everybody, but that's just my opinion on this.
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Did all those things too. Nobody seems to appreciate it. . You are doing too much maybe? That's why you end up with big disappointments. I've been stood up a couple of times for first meeting. Because I don't put much worth in a first meeting it's not the end of the world when it happens. I drove to my local coffee shop, the guy never showed up, I went 'meh' ok and left with box of donuts. In your case you did not even drive to the restaurant for nothing she just didn't reply to your text to confirm your meeting. So you really didn't lose anything right.
Perrier Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Meeting at a nice (not super fancy or upscale) place, reserving a spot so there's no chance of us waiting awkwardly because the crowd's too big, was me planning ahead and putting my best foot forward, not raising expectations or trying to impress. One guy I read about on these forums had as his first meeting chatting in a walmart parking lot. Some folks love to blame the victim. Nah. No reason to blame anybody.
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 In your case you did not even drive to the restaurant for nothing she just didn't reply to your text to confirm your meeting. So you really didn't lose anything right. You're right. At least I can spend the money that would have gone toward dinner on something else. 1
xcupid Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I don't think OLD attracts a certain type. I speak from experience too. I'm 52 years old, I've been dating online since 2006, and I've been on dozens upon dozens of first dates, and I've met all sorts of people online including flakes, and reasonably normal women I've gotten involved with in long term relationships, including my current live in girlfriend of 3.5 years. People meet and get married from the dating sites, more and more people are using online dating as a way to meet due to the advanced technology, convenience and ease of online dating. I think you're jaded from too many bad experiences. I agree. Completely. 1
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) OP, It sounds like you have the "nice guy" syndrome. You seem to think that women on OLD owe you something and when you don't get what you want you blame it on the whole of the female sex. If you hadn't made offensive generalizations about women on OLD sites in your "open letter" and then again in your "clarification" message I might have felt sympathetic to you, but now I don't. As a previous posters pointed out, if it has happened to you 3 times maybe you start looking at yourself. And she probably got a hint of this type of behavior from you and decided to save herself the misery. I would have. It bothers me that some folks have no problem with this woman's behavior. She does not deserve a pass for this. Any time someone flakes like this, disappearing after making plans with someone, not even bothering to contact, showing complete disregard for others time, it is a sign of low character, immaturity and instability, plain and simple. It is sociopathic behavior. Edited July 25, 2015 by oberkeat
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 It bothers me that some folks have no problem with this woman's behavior. She does not deserve a pass for this. Any time someone flakes like this, disappearing after making plans with someone, not even bothering to contact, showing complete disregard for others time, it is a sign of low character, immaturity and instability, plain and simple. I don't understand why you are SO offended. If you had driven to the restaurant and waited for her like an idiot YES I can see you being outraged but you didn't. You did not go out of your way to meet her. She just did not confirm plans with you while you were sitting in the comfort of your home. You need to de-dramatize this. She is a big loser yes but she doesn't deserve all the importance you're giving her. 4
Phoe Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 It bothers me that some folks have no problem with this woman's behavior. She does not deserve a pass for this. Any time someone flakes like this, disappearing after making plans with someone, not even bothering to contact, showing complete disregard for others time, it is a sign of low character, immaturity and instability, plain and simple. It is sociopathic behavior. I don't think anyone is truly suggesting that what this woman did is okay. It definitely is disrespectful and immature, and nobody should be expected to tolerate it. Ever. BUT... does the perfectly normal and nice woman in your town, who you've never spoken to, who might've recently signed up for OLD with perfectly good intentions of hopefully meeting a nice guy, deserve to be branded a certain way because of Ashleigh? 6
SycamoreCircle Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Sorry OP, you're wrong. Flaking on an OLD is no sign of instability. OLD is the most non-committal means of meeting a person. It takes a person less than three minutes to get a date and it can be done from the comfort of their chaise longue. You made a mistake by making a "reservation." I don't know what that entailed exactly but you should NEVER do anything besides coffee at a cafe, or a drink at a bar that is equidistant to the both of you. That's reasonable. Adjust your expectations and be surprised. 4
guest569 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Hmm i don't see a problem with making a reservation at a restaurant. I've had a first date in a restaurant for lunch once and it went really well and was the start of a relationship. I don't know why she "flaked" on you. How long prior to the date did you text to ask her if you were still on?
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Hmm i don't see a problem with making a reservation at a restaurant. I've had a first date in a restaurant for lunch once and it went really well and was the start of a relationship. I don't know why she "flaked" on you. How long prior to the date did you text to ask her if you were still on? About 10:30am. The meeting was to be 8:00 that night. Not once did she respond.
Bobbi7 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I had a guy flake out on me last month from OLD. We exchanged numbers and confirmed to grab a bite to eat at said day and time. However, he never bothered to contact me and I never heard from him afterward!!! Go figure. 1
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