Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 On the contrary, Wizer, as I mentioned in the letter, OLD is different. OLD attracts a certain type. Women who are undateable IRL on account of their flakiness and generally off-putting personalities or appearance. I wish I was wrong, but speak from experience. Considering 75% of singles have an online profile that makes all those OFF line people the exact same people you find online. 5
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 What about guys on OLD sites? Are *they* all losers too and *undateable* due to *their* off-putting personalities or appearance? What does that say about YOU? You were searching on line too dude..... Actually, that's hinted on in the letter as well, katiegirl. Guys turn to OLD because they find repeatedly that the women they encounter IRL are taken, and because they haven't yet figured out that all that worthwhile women don't need OLD. I know now.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Allow me to clarify: I never had any intention of sending it. If I contacted her again at all, I would have used a lot more "colorful" language. As for the conversation about whether dinner is a good first date, that's a red herring. I've done all kinds of first meetings. Several girls I dated actually suggested we go to dinner for a first meeting, and it went well and led to further dates. Would have made no difference what the first date was. This girl would have flaked regardless. That's what women on OLD do. It's part of their personality. That's what makes them undateable. The fact that she was 29 should have been a red flag as well. In my experience, most women that age who don't have a bf are single for a reason. There's a word for this? Dang got caught up in it already with the "Type of date" argument instead of the real argument. Okay, I'll stick to the topic. LOL But yea, the TYPE of date is irrelevant to the topic as its really all about her standing him up.
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Though, I do agree a meet for non-dinners (for drinks, coffee, whatever) is best for a first meet, other women may think otherwise. Some think if you don't take them out to dinner, it's an indication he's too cheap. I've even seen arguments on THESE very forums that "coffee dates" are bad ideas because it shows a lack of creativity or again, the guy is too cheap to pay for dinner. No joke, I've heard women say this...women on these forums. I know some women think that way, what a pity. A restaurant invitation to me is pretty much a lack of imagination lol. It's so boring to be sitting across a table. You can't see the other person's personality and mannerism. No opportunity to flirt and touch. Then you get up and feel heavy and burp the rest of the night with a garlic taste in your mouth........ya very romantic lol
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Though, I do agree a meet for non-dinners (for drinks, coffee, whatever) is best for a first meet, other women may think otherwise. Some think if you don't take them out to dinner, it's an indication he's too cheap. I've even seen arguments on THESE very forums that "coffee dates" are bad ideas because it shows a lack of creativity or again, the guy is too cheap to pay for dinner. No joke, I've heard women say this...women on these forums. Well then I would suggest men stay away from such women, because that attitude reflects a sense of entitlement and self-centeredness. Red flags. If he wants to meet over dinner, that is fine. NOT to impress HER, but because HE enjoys sharing food and the entire dining experience in general. There is always the risk of discovering that she lied about herself though, but if a guy is willing to take that risk, then I think dinner is fine. Again, not to impress her, but because he enjoys it. And sharing food in a nice atmosphere IS a great way to get to know someone IMO. Sort of breaks the ice.
RoseVille Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Well then I would suggest men stay away from such women, because that attitude reflects a sense of entitlement and self-centeredness. Red flags. If he wants to meet over dinner, that is fine. NOT to impress HER, but because HE enjoys sharing food and the entire dining experience in general. There is always the risk of discovering that she lied about herself though, but if a guy is willing to take that risk, then I think dinner is fine. Again, not to impress her, but because he enjoys it. And sharing food in a nice atmosphere IS a great way to get to know someone IMO. Sort of breaks the ice. She's also taking a risk that he's lied to her. I've met several men who've misrepresented themselves - weight, height, age... being "a nice guy" (ahem). 2
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 She's also taking a risk that he's lied to her. I've met several men who've misrepresented themselves - weight, height, age... being "a nice guy" (ahem). Very true! I did not mean to imply otherwise.....my response was more in line with what wizer posted....re men taking women to dinner on first date...and sitting across from a woman who misrepresented herself. But yeah, it goes both ways, for sure! 2
William Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) Folks, this is an apparent unsent personal letter to a specific person who apparently caused this member distress. As this is our dating forum and invites members to 'stand up on your soapbox and let us know what's going on!', this content is within our guidelines of interaction. What's not within our guidelines is taking personal shots at the thread starter or, yup, other members. Hence, members will cease and desist from such behaviors or face the consequences meted out by moderation. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive. Edited July 25, 2015 by William added 'or, yup, other members'
DaisyBug Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 My reaction to the OP's open letter was that it was just that - an "open letter" just letting off steam that he wasn't intending on sending. I'm not familiar with Oberkeat or his other posts, but just from what I read here, I am not reading too much into it that he is overreacting. I would be very upset, too, if someone contacted me, allowed me to make reservations for dinner, then never bothered to respond. If she was no longer interested, she should have let him know. It's that simple. One question, though, OP: Do you actually CALL these women, or are your entire conversations via text and singles site PMs? I will say, if your only contact was via texting and not over the phone, that kinda comes across as....I don't know, maybe a bit immature? Some women want a man who takes charge. NOT pushy, but isn't afraid to put himself out there and dial a phone. Restricting conversations to text is kinda...wimpy? Calling AND texting is OK, if texting is for quick questions like "are we still on?" That's OK, but from now on, with your history of female flakeage, you need to CALL them to confirm.
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 The point is, I've experienced too much negativity with OLD to possibly continue to use it. How many folks have I actually met for whom it worked? A couple, but not many. I've done it on and off for two years. I think that's enough time to make a ruling. Everything I've experienced suggest it's a terrible way to meet people. I'm done with it.
stillafool Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 On the contrary, Wizer, as I mentioned in the letter, OLD is different. OLD attracts a certain type. Women who are undateable IRL on account of their flakiness and generally off-putting personalities or appearance. I wish I was wrong, but speak from experience. If you believe this why do you go online to find dates? 3
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 The point is, I've experienced too much negativity with OLD to possibly continue to use it. How many folks have I actually met for whom it worked? A couple, but not many. I've done it on and off for two years. I think that's enough time to make a ruling. Everything I've experienced suggest it's a terrible way to meet people. I'm done with it. Ok dear. No one said online was easy, I have been at it on and off for 3,5 years now. It's just an additional tool for you to use. At the moment it becomes over frustrating it's time to let it go. I just don't want you to think women you'll meet off line are 'better' in any way as online or off, we're all the same people. If you approach women offline and give them your number, many of them won't call you back. It's not easier off line.
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) My reaction to the OP's open letter was that it was just that - an "open letter" just letting off steam that he wasn't intending on sending. I'm not familiar with Oberkeat or his other posts, but just from what I read here, I am not reading too much into it that he is overreacting. I would be very upset, too, if someone contacted me, allowed me to make reservations for dinner, then never bothered to respond. If she was no longer interested, she should have let him know. It's that simple. All good.. Edited July 25, 2015 by oberkeat 1
GemmaUK Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Oberkeat you haven't even met each other. Don't invest so much and you will be less angry. You can control your own reactions if you take responsibility for them. It leads to a much happier life... 4
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Oberkeat you haven't even met each other. Don't invest so much and you will be less angry. You can control your own reactions if you take responsibility for them. It leads to a much happier life... Viewing profiles, sending messages, picking a place, setting up a time, making a reservation is all time consuming. Nobody likes having their time wasted with flakey behavior, and if it happened to you several times, you'd be understandably annoyed.
DaisyBug Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 This is a "gimme NOW" society, and OLD attracts that kind of person, IMO. Just like people who text and freak out, "OMG, it's been 10 minutes and he hasn't texted me back! A**hole!!!" People on OLD (some, sorry) are more into finding someone NOW, having sex NOW, and finding someone else in 10 minutes if the first doesn't absolutely grab their attention. People who stick to RL would rather go to a gym or coffee shop, strike up a conversation, and see where that leads. The lure of OLD, though, is that you can lay out exactly what you want in a person, read what they want, and instantly see if there's at least potential. Takes a bit more effort in RL. OLD requires a thick skin. It's for those who want to make quick decisions and, if something you text/PM gets misinterpreted, NEXT. Don't take it too personally, OP. Why don't you join MeetUp.com? (or is it .Org...) Lots of things to do with other singles where there's no pressure. You may have better luck there. 5
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 My reaction to the OP's open letter was that it was just that - an "open letter" just letting off steam that he wasn't intending on sending. I'm not familiar with Oberkeat or his other posts, but just from what I read here, I am not reading too much into it that he is overreacting. I would be very upset, too, if someone contacted me, allowed me to make reservations for dinner, then never bothered to respond. If she was no longer interested, she should have let him know. It's that simple. One question, though, OP: Do you actually CALL these women, or are your entire conversations via text and singles site PMs? I will say, if your only contact was via texting and not over the phone, that kinda comes across as....I don't know, maybe a bit immature? Some women want a man who takes charge. NOT pushy, but isn't afraid to put himself out there and dial a phone. Restricting conversations to text is kinda...wimpy? Calling AND texting is OK, if texting is for quick questions like "are we still on?" That's OK, but from now on, with your history of female flakeage, you need to CALL them to confirm. First paragraph - I actually think it's a good idea to write negative thoughts down on paper, it's very cathartic... and even healing. Which is what I sort of alluded to in my first post.... asking if it made him feel better. Writing down my thoughts always helps me feel better. As long as you don't send, it's all good.
carhill Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 OP, in light of the content of two threads you posted in the last month: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535461-jeez-another-flake and http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/536472-unfairness I'll join those members suggesting a break from dating, especially online dating, and view this unsent letter as your parting shot at the process and then let it go and move on. Yes, life can sometimes feel inordinately unfair; even if/when it is, you still have choices and those choices are your power. Good luck in your choices! 1
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 This is a "gimme NOW" society, and OLD attracts that kind of person, IMO. Just like people who text and freak out, "OMG, it's been 10 minutes and he hasn't texted me back! A**hole!!!" People on OLD (some, sorry) are more into finding someone NOW, having sex NOW, and finding someone else in 10 minutes if the first doesn't absolutely grab their attention. People who stick to RL would rather go to a gym or coffee shop, strike up a conversation, and see where that leads. The lure of OLD, though, is that you can lay out exactly what you want in a person, read what they want, and instantly see if there's at least potential. Takes a bit more effort in RL. OLD requires a thick skin. It's for those who want to make quick decisions and, if something you text/PM gets misinterpreted, NEXT. Don't take it too personally, OP. Why don't you join MeetUp.com? (or is it .Org...) Lots of things to do with other singles where there's no pressure. You may have better luck there. Good stuff. 1
Author oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 OP, in light of the content of two threads you posted in the last month: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535461-jeez-another-flake and http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/536472-unfairness I'll join those members suggesting a break from dating, especially online dating, and view this unsent letter as your parting shot at the process and then let it go and move on. Yes, life can sometimes feel inordinately unfair; even if/when it is, you still have choices and those choices are your power. Good luck in your choices! Tuff to give up on something you want, but perhaps you're right.
carhill Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Think of it as a temporary rearranging of priorities.
Perrier Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Viewing profiles, sending messages, picking a place, setting up a time, making a reservation is all time consuming. Nobody likes having their time wasted with flakey behavior, and if it happened to you several times, you'd be understandably annoyed. OP why are you allowing this to happen to you several times?
fitnessfan365 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) OLD actually works for a lot of people. So maybe the problem is with how you conduct yourself. Being flaked on once and awhile happens to everyone. But when it happens 3x in a row, you might want to stop and reflect a bit. For instance planning a date w-a reservation for an online meet up? That comes off like you're trying way too hard and puts all sorts of pressure and expectations on it. Edited July 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Personal shots redacted and member moderated. 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 OP why are you allowing this to happen to you several times? Short of not dating anyone at all, he's not "allowing" anything to happen. It's on the women, not on him. He's doing his part, they aren't. They are in charge of their own behavior. 2
lil hoodlum Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I've been using OLD for a little over 2 years. It used to burn me up with the flakes and of course having been stood up several times. Now, I just don't really care. I don't really have many expectations. I still wish to meet someone geniune and with whom I connect with. Maybe it will happen with OLD, maybe it won't. I understand your frustrations OP. I feel though that to be successful with OLD, it helps to have some tough skin. Maybe it helps to see that you found out that Ashleigh is a flake now with minimal investment on your part. 2
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