annalilian26 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I have a very long one for you and a bit of a head f**k, so bear with me: I recently ended a 2 month relationship with a guy whom I fell very much in-love with. He was happily single and enjoying the bachelor life and I happened to step into dating 1 month after my boyfriend of 7 years left me. Little did we know that we would connect on such a wonderful, deep level and after 2 weeks we jumped right into an exclusive relationship. A lot of red flags emerged in the relationship and people around me were noticing that I was not quite the same.When I people about the stuff that had happened they told me he was controlling and I should get out ASAP. I tried to communicate my concerns with him but he would always refuse to acknowledge responsibility, telling me that my ex boyfriend wrapped me up in cotton wool and for this reason I was too sensitive. Because we were arguing so often at such an early stage of the relationship and because we had such difficulties communicating I decided to end the relationship to prevent further heartache for both of us. For the 2 weeks afterwards, he would send me an influx of angry text messages, making many cruel and immature remarks such as "good luck to the next guy, I tried", "go back to your push over ex boyfriend", "I am angry at your ex, because he was so spineless, I had to put up with 7 years of bad habits", "you don't think you have any issues to work on? either you're in denial or you're a narcissist". After a while I had asked him to stop contacting me until he was in a more rational state of mind. But, low and behold I went out to do something good for myself and see a movie and ended up seeing him in the window of a bar, socialising with his friends. I felt so heartbroken seeing him and ended up getting second thoughts about whether I made the right decision leaving him. I stupidly got in touch with him and told him that I saw him and that I was missing him a lot. We spoke on the phone and he told me that he loved me and missed me too, but that I was manipulative and he could not be with a manipulative person. I thought that this was outrageous so I told him that everyone around me thinks that he was emotionally abusive and that from now on I am going to block his number and all connections to him on social media. Hours after this, I got back in touch with him and apologised, telling him that It would mean a lot if we could end it on good terms, I also told him that I would not cut him out of my life like that. He agreed and then asked for some space. So then I began missing him uncontrollably and impulsively called him up and asked if he would want to give it another try. He said he would need a week to think about it and requested for now I give him space. I had this gut feeling that this was not the right idea, so a day after I sent him a very apologetic message stating that maybe getting back together isn't a good idea as our relationship had so many problems and that I was concerned we would begin a vicious cycle of a destructive on and off relationship. He said that he agreed and then asked for the space he has been "desperately begging for and needs. Things got out of control as I was so heartbroken by all that had happened that I ended up sending him a poem I had written for him the day after followed by a message apologising for getting in touch again when he asked for space, promising that I would back off for now. I have been feeling immense guilt for transgressing his boundaries when he asked for space, this has made the break up even harder as I am feeling so pathetic and desperate. Friends and family seem to think that him asking for space is just him trying to punish me for breaking it off from him I wanted an objective input, am I a bad guy in this situation or am I beating myself up for nothing?
La.Primavera Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 he would send me an influx of angry text messages, making many cruel and immature remarks such as "good luck to the next guy, I tried", "go back to your push over ex boyfriend", "I am angry at your ex, because he was so spineless, I had to put up with 7 years of bad habits", "you don't think you have any issues to work on? either you're in denial or you're a narcissist". These comments sound like part of a conversation between you both, not random texts so I'm not going to judge it them out of context. I don't think he is trying to punish you by asking for space. It just sounds like he is sick of all the drama and games and needs to clear his head. It sounds like the sensible thing to do in this situation because you honestly bring out the worst in each other. All this drama must be exhausting for both of you. The best thing you can do is stay away. Nothing good can come from continuing to pursue this. It has only been a couple of months. It may feel difficult to let go now but it will only get worse the longer you stretch it out. Fighting to save a relationship with the wrong guy is pointless. All the apology messages and poetry needs to stop, for your own sake. It is only causing you more anxiety and negativity that you don't need. Forgive yourself and let him go.
mightycpa Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Wow... you wrote the words, but you don't see it, do you? So,first, how does one get dumped from a 7 year long relationship and then fall so hard for the next guy one month later? There's a red flag. Then "stuff happens", you get feedback from your pals that he's controlling, you confront him with this information and it causes fights. As a result, you end it, and he gives you two weeks of abuse for doing so. At this point, you'd think you'd see the bullet you dodged, but no. One random sighting of him, and the past is forgotten, and you can't stay away.. repeatedly. But you blow hot and cold, and so does he. You've just been given the heave-ho from a long relationship, and and month later, you've glommed on like this guy is the love of your life, and let's hope he isn't. You are desperate and pathetic, and you probably need to figure out why you are like this with with some guy you barely know. I don't think that you really like this guy. You're afraid of being alone, or you're transferring your feelings from the 7 year guy or something. Your attachment is way too quick and you're not recoiling at behaviors that should make you run. I don't know if he's punishing you or not, but he's seeing a couple of red flags himself, and you keep adding more every time you come back. I'd say take some time to understand yourself. 1
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