Caryn3 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Hey, I'm 26, and I go to meetup/social events and I'll have long conversations with guys, but at the end they never ask for contact information. What could I be saying or doing wrong? Thanks.
elaine567 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Impossible to say. Are you giving off the right signals that you may be interested in them as a dating prospect, or is it all a bit too buddy buddy? Do they seem interested in you, but perhaps do not have the courage to ask? Are other women at those meet ups getting asked out, or are the meet ups you go to, more for meeting friends/discussing hobbies/interests rather than actual dating. What do you wear? Are you too "librarian", or too "woman of the night"? Can you improve your appearance, a bit of a make over perhaps? Can you tailor your look more to the situation you are in maybe? Eg if you are a jeans or a formal suit woman, then that may not suit all occasions. Do you come across as "desperate", too loud, too forceful or too closed up, introverted and shy maybe? Is your body language good - open and inviting? I think if it isn't working you need to ask some hard questions of yourself and how you are coming across to other people especially men and whether you are in the right social situations to meet available men. 1
impatiently_patient Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Ask them for theirs? Sometimes the simplest solution...
anna121 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Elaine makes great points. What are the conversations about? And how do they end? You may have to give them some encouragement "I really enjoyed talking to you - would love to follow up sometime." What is your general style (appearance wise)? What is your personality like? And are these general meet-ups or tailored to a specific interest or group (like church or something)? General meet-ups can be brutal, I think. Almost too much stimulation. 1
GemmaUK Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Hey, I'm 26, and I go to meetup/social events and I'll have long conversations with guys, but at the end they never ask for contact information. What could I be saying or doing wrong? Thanks. We're not mind readers so have no idea without some context to work on. If you expect a man to mind read that you like him without any actions or verbalising (no details just the same as in your opening post) then he is on a highway to nowhere and will assume you have no interest and he has no green light.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Meetup events are always marketed as "not being a dating service, but a chance for single people to have fun together". So maybe some guys consider it taboo to be picking up women? Personally, I'd take the hint that a woman was interested if she spent awhile talking to me and being engaged in the conversation. But common sense is becoming more and more rare these days.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Ask them for theirs? Sometimes the simplest solution... I don't understand why more girls don't do this, I was out last week and a girl I was talking to asked me for my number. I didn't give it to her because I wasn't interested but it didn't seem strange and she certainly didn't come across as desperate. If they're not asking you for your number they're probably not interested or they're too shy. If you're getting the impression they're shy you need to make the first move.
blueskyday Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) I've been to meet up events. A lot of the people who go just want to hang out and get to know you first at a few events. Enjoy yourself, smile, and ask questions. When I met a shy guy at one of these events, after a few meetings, I suggested he join a couple of us who were going to a bar after. Of course, I had to give him my number in case he got lost and couldn't find the place. �� He asked me out after that night. Later, he told me that he thought I was too out of his league and really needed that encouragement. He still felt like a leader in the way I made it easy for him, but made it seem like he was leading. He had to call to ask me out on a proper date. I do require a guy take the reins when I hand them to him.. At least at the beginning. Otherwise, I might get a lazy guy who wants me to do all the work. So, it's a balance, as in all things. Of course, at the other extreme, lots of other guys at the meet ups were overly aggressive, asking for my number as soon as they said hi. Ugh! I like the shy guys better. �� Hope you just go and have fun. Meet ups are a nice respite from online dating. You can be there to make friends, or to date. No pressure! Edited July 25, 2015 by blueskyday
Perrier Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) Hey, I'm 26, and I go to meetup/social events and I'll have long conversations with guys, but at the end they never ask for contact information. What could I be saying or doing wrong? Thanks. OP do you go to singles events or just purely social meets? I ask because I don't think it's a good idea to have long conversations with guys you've just met that you feel romantic about. Long convos sate everything the speakers want to know - they don't create expectation and sexual tension. Also: 1) these men may not feel the same way, or may have been put off by something you said/did yet they're still happy to chat & take up your time. 2) you could inadvertently put off other men who may be interested in you because they'll assume you like the man who you're holding up, so they won't approach you after. I'd excuse myself after 15/20 mins talking to any one man and that would be his cue to ask for my number/ take it further. If not, I have my answer. I would also remain 'attractive' to the other men who may prove more fruitful. Edited July 25, 2015 by Perrier
oberkeat Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) Meetup events are always marketed as "not being a dating service, but a chance for single people to have fun together". So maybe some guys consider it taboo to be picking up women? I agree with this. I've never been to a meetup, but I've never considered it as a dating service type of experience. It's only ever been suggested to me as a way to get out of the house, find hobbies, and make new friends with whom you share an interest. That said, I don't think people starting a romantic relationship via that means is out of the realm of possibility. I don't think there's a hard rule about dating folks you meet through meetups. I'll also say that us guys are horrendous about reading women's signs of interest. Unless you're doing a lot of touching and/or suggested hanging out some time, it's entirely possible the guy has no clue you're into him. Next time you meet a guy you like at a meetup, why don't you suggest doing something together outside of the meetup group? He'll get the message then, and I don't think it'd be off-putting. Edited July 25, 2015 by oberkeat
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) Hey, I'm 26, and I go to meetup/social events and I'll have long conversations with guys, but at the end they never ask for contact information. What could I be saying or doing wrong? Thanks. If you like them ask for their number (or employ social media). Then send them a nice to meet you message. If they respond beyond a nice to meet you too they might be interested, proceed from there with further socialization. Edited July 25, 2015 by Jacob_Duluoz
Author Caryn3 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 They are just general meetup groups, not for any specific interest. We have general convos. It would be uncomfortable touching the guys or suggesting hanging out because I'm never sure if they're into me that way. I just thought they would get the hint that I like them if I'm talking to them a long time and engaging in the convo.
kendahke Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 They are just general meetup groups, not for any specific interest. We have general convos. It would be uncomfortable touching the guys or suggesting hanging out because I'm never sure if they're into me that way. I just thought they would get the hint that I like them if I'm talking to them a long time and engaging in the convo. Well, before you end the conversation, if you're enjoying it like you say you are, then tell them "hey, I'm really enjoying talking to you. I'd like to continue this conversation over a coffee (not a drink, as that would connote a date). Wanna meet up this week at (coffee place of your choice)? Here's my number. Tuesday at 6:30 is good for me." You will either get a "yeah, sure, I'd like that" or "Let me check my schedule" or "No, I can't". The guy who says "yeah, sure I'd like that" will most likely call you and will have the most interest. The guy who says "Let me check my schedule" will probably back out as his interest is really only in that moment. the guy who says "No", well, that's self explanatory.
preraph Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Your message was short, so it's hard to gauge your personality. I would just be sure you're not making the common mistake of of talking about marrying and having kids when you first meet someone. And the even bigger mistake is anyone who lists a long list of things they do and don't want in a mate. No matter how reasonable some of those things are, it sounds dictatorial and unfriendly and controlling to a new person who has no reason to get involved with you to begin with. I would just advise making yourself smile and look approachable at the meetings and remain thoroughly casual and kind of dispel any whiff of you're there manhunting. Just try to appear like you are really having fun and are easy to talk to. And know which ones are married. The only meetups I've gone to were for childfree people and it was mostly married couples and I couldn't figure out why the women were so cold to the handful of single women there. The only single man actually had special needs and the men all tried to push him onto the women there to help him out. I was looking to meet female friends and liked the sound of one lady who was married and had horses and stuff and pm'd her after talking to her in a friendly interested way, and she never even answered. The other single ladies there were lesbians. At least they had a group to be with. I was the only single straight female there, so I never went back. I think meetups are best when something active is what you go do, not sitting around a bar or someone's home with a game on. Something active, like bowling or anything like that.
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