FriendZoning Women?

[danmillar]

I agree with Robin.

There is talking to women and there is talking to women.

 

Your flirting style is such that you lead women on to think you are solely interested in them, then dump then unceremoniously when another women catches your eye, who then in turn gets dumped like a ton of lead when another enters your line of sight. Rinse and repeat.

 

That leads to confusion and upset and will make you a lot of unnecessary enemies and give you a bad reputation.

No-one wants to be friends with some guy who acts in the way you do.

 

The blonde with the bf, is your real target at the moment, because she is tantalisingly unavailable and that is a huge challenge to you.

Leave her alone.

 

Well I don't completely agree of course.

 

The blonde with bf is not my target. I am hers.

[danmillar]

I agree with Robin.

There is talking to women and there is talking to women.

 

Your flirting style is such that you lead women on to think you are solely interested in them, then dump then unceremoniously when another women catches your eye, who then in turn gets dumped like a ton of lead when another enters your line of sight. Rinse and repeat.

 

That leads to confusion and upset and will make you a lot of unnecessary enemies and give you a bad reputation.

No-one wants to be friends with some guy who acts in the way you do.

 

The blonde with the bf, is your real target at the moment, because she is tantalisingly unavailable and that is a huge challenge to you.

Leave her alone.

 

Well again, I completely disagree. These women cannot possibly believe that I am solely interested in them. I am talking to all of them, or at least many of them.

 

Yes, I hug many of the women. How can hugs lead women on? That sounds completely preposterous.

 

One woman in another social group, she gave me a hug and I gave her a half hug back. She was not pleased. These women expect a hug. This is not leading them on.

 

Talking to women and giving them a hug is leading them on? Come on, this is getting quite ridiculous.

[Divasu]

Being friendly doesn't mean leading someone on. Neither does a hug.

 

Leading on would be something along the lines of "I want to take you out sometime" and then never following through (i.e pretending to offer them something that you have no intention of actually offering)

 

Doesn't sound like that is the case here. You're fine.

[danmillar]

Being friendly doesn't mean leading someone on. Neither does a hug.

 

Leading on would be something along the lines of "I want to take you out sometime" and then never following through (i.e pretending to offer them something that you have no intention of actually offering)

 

Doesn't sound like that is the case here. You're fine.

 

Thanks. I've been really disappointed with the catastrophizing and exaggeration which passes for "advice" or "feedback" on this forum.

 

I don't mean to insult anyone, but it gives you a sense of why so many people on this forum struggle so badly with their dating.

 

"He hugged me! He loves me!" "He hugged her! He's a player!"

 

"He talked to me! He loves me!" He talked to her! He's a player!"

 

To be honest, I do think many of these women have expectations of exclusivity, and I don't quite know how they arrive at that assumption.

[elaine567]

To be honest, I do think many of these women have expectations of exclusivity, and I don't quite know how they arrive at that assumption.

 

OK, you realise that, so why are you "playing" them?

Why upset them?

Some women are players, and so do not get upset when they deal with guys who are players, they know the score. Nothing serious just casual.

 

Many decent women however just want to meet decent men, and I guess those meet ups are attracting the type of women who are looking for monogamy and LTRs.

They get upset, when who they thought was a decent man, turns out to be a guy acting like a jerk looking for an easy lay to add to his harem.

[Gloria25]

Thanks. I've been really disappointed with the catastrophizing and exaggeration which passes for "advice" or "feedback" on this forum.

 

I don't mean to insult anyone, but it gives you a sense of why so many people on this forum struggle so badly with their dating.

 

"He hugged me! He loves me!" "He hugged her! He's a player!"

 

"He talked to me! He loves me!" He talked to her! He's a player!"

 

To be honest, I do think many of these women have expectations of exclusivity, and I don't quite know how they arrive at that assumption.

 

elaine567 beat me to the punch...

 

I highlighted that part of your statement because I'm confused here. I thought you said that these women are wrong in interpreting chatter and/or a "hug" as signs of interest - yet you are questioning where these women thought they were "exclusive" with you?

 

So, how would these women go so far to begin wondering if they were "exclusive" with you when you've done "nothing" to lead them on?

 

I really think you may want to wonder "what" you're doing to make these women think you're interested in them. I'm just finding it hard to believe you are in meet-ups with a bunch of horny, naive, desperate women who think a guy saying "Hi, my name is damillar" means he's about to propose...

[Gloria25]

They get upset, when who they thought was a decent man, turns out to be a guy acting like a jerk looking for an easy lay to add to his harem.

 

And/or these women are upset cuz they realize that a guy who they thought was showing interest in them was just using them to massage his ego...

 

Not nice...

[danmillar]

elaine567 beat me to the punch...

 

I highlighted that part of your statement because I'm confused here. I thought you said that these women are wrong in interpreting chatter and/or a "hug" as signs of interest - yet you are questioning where these women thought they were "exclusive" with you?

 

So, how would these women go so far to begin wondering if they were "exclusive" with you when you've done "nothing" to lead them on?

 

I really think you may want to wonder "what" you're doing to make these women think you're interested in them. I'm just finding it hard to believe you are in meet-ups with a bunch of horny, naive, desperate women who think a guy saying "Hi, my name is damillar" means he's about to propose...

 

Women develop romantic feelings for me very easily.

 

This leads to feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, anger, or on the flip side avoidance.

 

I'm not doing anything unusual otherwise.

[danmillar]

And/or these women are upset cuz they realize that a guy who they thought was showing interest in them was just using them to massage his ego...

 

Not nice...

 

What kind of bizarro world are you living in where a hug and conversation are signs of "leading women on?"

[danmillar]

What's hilarious about some of these responses is that they are designed to always make men appear to be the villain.

 

I read a previous thread about meetup on this site, and the women were complaining that the men are always hitting on women and that the women were only there to be participate in the stated activity and had no dating agenda.

 

Now, the women are saying that women ARE attending meetup with an implicit dating agenda, and that men who show up only to participate in the stated activity are now the villain.

 

Yeah, loveshack FTW!

[Timshel]

What kind of bizarro world are you living in where a hug and conversation are signs of "leading women on?"

 

There is no 'bizarro' world dan. Everything is subjective. Body language and attitude could have much to do with misinterpretation.

 

Let's suppose for a few that you are absolutely correct in why you have sought LS for this particular thread.

 

1.You are engaging in 'meet ups' and though you are friendly and kind, women are desperately throwing themselves at you. They become disenchanted and proceed to treat you like bag-o-crap. Women are crazy.

 

2.You enjoy the fact that women are attracted to you and play on this......satisfying for you; until they become disenchanted with the lack of follow up and blatant hitting on other women. Women are crazy.

 

Dan, if this is a repetitive theme in your life then the end result is that you are sending mixed signals to women. Women become confused and 'crazy' and you post to LS that women 'just don't understand.'

 

I would not deal with a boy like you if I did meet ups or OLD, I do not.

 

Get real. Talk to people, stop seeing yourself reflected in their eyes.

[danmillar]

So, I should treat women like clients at the podiatrist's office.

 

"So, when is your appointment?"

 

"7:15 PM"

 

"OK, 2.5 minutes of polite conversation. Would you like a hug?"

 

"Maybe."

 

"Smiling?"

 

"Maybe."

 

"Light flirting?"

 

"No."

 

"OK, have a seat next to gals 1-8. You're number 9. Wait to be called. Next!"

 

There is no 'bizarro' world dan. Everything is subjective. Body language and attitude could have much to do with misinterpretation.

 

Let's suppose for a few that you are absolutely correct in why you have sought LS for this particular thread.

 

1.You are engaging in 'meet ups' and though you are friendly and kind, women are desperately throwing themselves at you. They become disenchanted and proceed to treat you like bag-o-crap. Women are crazy.

 

2.You enjoy the fact that women are attracted to you and play on this......satisfying for you; until they become disenchanted with the lack of follow up and blatant hitting on other women. Women are crazy.

 

Dan, if this is a repetitive theme in your life then the end result is that you are sending mixed signals to women. Women become confused and 'crazy' and you post to LS that women 'just don't understand.'

 

I would not deal with a boy like you if I did meet ups or OLD, I do not.

 

Get real. Talk to people, stop seeing yourself reflected in their eyes.

[road]

I'm witcha brother... nobody realizes what a burden it is to be the guy every woman wants. Why couldn't we have just been born a little above average? It's a curse, really. I've actually considered plastic surgery... maybe a bulbous nose or some kind of asymmetry to keep'em from getting overheated.

 

 

I share your pain.

[danmillar]

The previous meetup gals I spoke of are still very upset with me. And that may be putting it lightly.

[RedRobin]

I don't know how upset any of these women really are.

 

I think you have some delusions of grandeur regarding most of their intentions.

 

What you perceive as romantic interest or upset is likely the common response from anyone when they come across someone with poor social and conversational skills.

 

I'd feel the same way if I were at a business function and the person didn't have the skill or couth to politely wrap up a conversation with me before trotting over to a bigger fish. I wouldn't necessarily get upset. I would consciously log their superficiality and lack of social skills and decide not to do business with them.

 

Do you have this problem in other spheres of your life?

[danmillar]

No offense, but you have all of the markings of the typical dateless loser on loveshack.

 

Namely, negativity, naysaying, interpreting things in the worst possible way. It's likely destroying any possibility of your having a relationship. How is that workin' out for ya? Negativity is destroying you.

 

Work on that.

 

I don't know how upset any of these women really are.

 

I think you have some delusions of grandeur regarding most of their intentions.

 

What you perceive as romantic interest or upset is likely the common response from anyone when they come across someone with poor social and conversational skills.

 

I'd feel the same way if I were at a business function and the person didn't have the skill or couth to politely wrap up a conversation with me before trotting over to a bigger fish. I wouldn't necessarily get upset. I would consciously log their superficiality and lack of social skills and decide not to do business with them.

 

Do you have this problem in other spheres of your life?

[RedRobin]

No offense, but you have all of the markings of the typical dateless loser on loveshack.

 

Namely, negativity, naysaying, interpreting things in the worst possible way. It's likely destroying any possibility of your having a relationship. How is that workin' out for ya? Negativity is destroying you.

 

Work on that.

 

 

Answer the question... is this a problem you have in other areas of your life? Where people get 'upset' and avoid you?

 

 

Most people aren't so easily enamored of perfect strangers unless they have attachment issues or they are quite young and unaccustomed to socializing. Is this the '20-something' social club? If so, then yea, you will probably come across a lot of people who haven't quite learned the ropes and rules of proper etiquette, including you.

 

 

... I think most people on LS can attest to the fact that I don't go long without a BF. Mostly by avoiding the flaky butt-sniffers. lol.

[danmillar]

Answer the question... is this a problem you have in other areas of your life? Where people get 'upset' and avoid you?

Most people aren't so easily enamored of perfect strangers unless they have attachment issues or they are quite young and unaccustomed to socializing. Is this the '20-something' social club? If so, then yea, you will probably come across a lot of people who haven't quite learned the ropes and rules of proper etiquette, including you.

 

 

... I think most people on LS can attest to the fact that I don't go long without a BF. Mostly by avoiding the flaky butt-sniffers. lol.

 

Actually, no. I often have the exact opposite "issue." Which is men and women asking me over and over and over again to spend time with them. This is often despite a series of politely declining or no contact or response.

 

I don't decline all the time, obviously.

 

And yes, 3 more women approached me tonight.

[danmillar]

Actually, it was four more women. A couple of them were married.

[sid3]

Actually, it was four more women. A couple of them were married.

 

That's interesting Dan. I'm curious as to why you added the fact that some of them were married, was that an attempt to impress "us" the reader, or make yourself just feel better about yourself. I'd like to chime in while keeping LS's community guidelines in mind. In the spirit of helping all of the 'dating challenged' members you previously mentioned, maybe you can shed some light on how a guy that is constantly getting approached by women still finds the time to post on LS. I have only read a few of your posts and haven't seen any real questions, just numbers of women that are swooning over you. What came to mind first is your participation in meetups, nothing wrong with a person trying to expand their social circle, but let's be honest. It's mostly a venue for people with a small social circle. It doesn't make sense that you'd need such an outlet given the constant attention women are constantly giving you. I'm guessing you likely had several siblings and felt ignored by your mother, or she was very promiscuous, thus the same result. Seems your compensating.