dragonwalker Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Alright, so I was on my 4th date tonight. I had gone on 3 previous dates where we went to the farmer's market, gun range, and long walk. Tonight we went on our first dinner date. I thought the previous 3 outings went pretty well, with good conversation and pretty good time over all. One thing I noticed early on was I felt like I was doing a lot of the talking and asking questions. She doesn't seem to reciprocate very much which at first I thought was fine but now has become a bit concerning. She did specifically say that she's pretty quiet and doesn't ask to many questions because she says that she believes that if people like each other they will naturally find out more about each other. Which I get but it felt like I was putting more and more effort into keeping the conversation going sometimes. Anyway, on this first dinner date. Again, starts out pretty well and then we get to a point where we start up a conversation about psychological personality traits. For instance I'm an ISTJ and she said she was a ENFJ. This led to an interesting conversation. I decided to take a chance and ask her in effect how my personality was compatibility wise to her own. I was trying to get her to open up a bit about how she felt things were going as I was having a hard time assessing this. Keep in mind that she's Chinese from China and been living here for about 9 months going for her master's and she is 23. She used a Chinese term which translates to "blind date" when describing some of the conversation I've been having with her. Apparently in China it's a common thing where when people reach their 30s because of the immense pressure to marry, parents will set their children up on these dates where people will go out and find out if they are compatible but on a technical level by asking a lot of practical questions about each other to see if they are able to marry not out of love but for convenience. I told her this was not my intention and my questions were not a means to an end but really just the way I try to get to know someone and also to keep conversation. It seemed like she was expressing a concern to me which by the end of my explanation seemed to have resolved a bit of that concern for her. However, after that revelation it just totally killed the mood for me and I just felt this immense sense of rejection. I think because it felt like she was comparing some of our interactions to what that "blind date" experience might be like. I tried to do my best to put up a positive front but it was quite devastating as I felt this was a true indicator of things not going so well. We ended the night shortly thereafter with a hug. I've also been intending to escalate the physical aspect of it but that totally failed because of the mood at the end of the evening. I tried to before on the 2nd date but was literally rejected. Each time I've met and left I've basically only been able to give her a hug. I'm not exactly sure if it's a cultural thing. Then again I am American born Chinese so I'm not really sure and I'm also very inexperienced when it comes to dating. Lots of obstacles in front of me. By the time I left this evening I almost wanted to send her a text just calling it all off. However I reasoned I shouldn't let emotions get the better of me and I think I should wait it out a few days to see if she initiates anything. What do you guys think I should do if I want to see how things go? Where do I go from here in such a way that I can move into something more meaningful? I just kind of feel this is a bit like a one way street here.
RoseVille Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 With all the questions you've been asking her, and her saying she likes the getting to know you process to flow naturally, she probably is reminded of those not-so-pleasant interrogations back in China to assess technical compatibility and force relationships. God forbid you asked her Chinese horoscope, that would make it even worse!
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