pecanpie Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Ok, this is my question... I was with my ex for 4 years. First serious relationship for both of us, and it took a long time to get over. We broke up about 1 year ago. Since then, he's fallen "in love" with not ONE, but FIVE different women one after the other in one year! The first one was a sexual fling and didn't last, the second seemed to be going great for 3 months, then he broke it off at long distance, the third one she just wanted to be friends and after he got over being rejected they still do have a friendship, the fourth one he seemed to really care for her but she didn't like him back the same way and he was heartbroken for several more months, and then, to my amazement, I hear from him that he's met someone new and is really excited again, so soon after this last one which I thought was such a big deal to him! It initially used to be very painful for me to think of him with these women, but thankfully, I've worked through those feelings over time... Now I realize he wasn't right for me. I'm happy and enjoying my own life, and hearing about this girl doesn't bother me, but it does amaze and puzzle me... I know he's not a superficial person, so how can he go from one woman to the next so rapidly?? We talk now and then which is why I know all this, and I'm happy to stay friends because he is a good person and I do care about him... I'm just wondering what people think...? I'm curious since I'm new to this (first breakup) and don't feel any inclination to rush into new relationships but it seems he can't live without one (and he's the one who broke it off with me!) Is it common for someone who's normally sensitive and careful about this to rush into so many flings in one year's time? Are they rebounds? It's become such a pattern that I recognize it by now... he's really sad and depressed in the periods in between women and then he'll get really happy and positive as soon as finds someone... but it doesn't last. It's almost like an addiction and then withdrawal! He even tells me he's lonely and really really wants to find someone... Anyway, have you ever seen this happening with yourself or ex's from the past... and is it something men do more than women? Or is it just related to insecurity or not having processed your feelings from the old relationship or something like that?
Pocky Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Anyway, have you ever seen this happening with yourself or ex's from the past... and is it something men do more than women? No and it's probably because I don't really ponder their relationship activity. I'm still friends with a few of them, but I never really found the time or the interest to worry about why they're dating women and how often they're going in and out of a relationship. It was bad enough when I was caught up in their drama while dating them - I sure don't want to get caught up in it when I'm not even obligated to them. Or is it just related to insecurity or not having processed your feelings from the old relationship or something like that? Honestly there are so many variables that any answer I gave would be as reliable as sticking my hand in a hat and drawing a piece of paper.
outdated Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Sounds like a relationship junkie to me. He defines himself by his ability to get a woman. Sounds like he doesn't have any conception of his own self worth and that he needs a woman to feel like himself again, and really there is nothing more pathetic. You should feel good that you're away from him and find someone that understands and loves themselves.
pecanpie Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 It does seem to me like he really NEEDS to have a woman in his life in order to be happy... He tells me how he's lonely and wants to be in a relationship again. But is it really healthy to jump into things just for that reason? On the other hand, is it really so bad to need intimacy and closeness in your life? Don't we all? Still, my own response has been very cautious... very slowly easing into dating again after a year, no thoughts of a serious relationship yet. I felt like I needed a lot of time to myself first... I'm having trouble comprehending a state of mind in which someone can transfer their affections so rapidly from one person to the next! Especially since he seemed to be very much "in love" with each of them at the time... Also, another point is that the girls he picks are a lot like me in many ways! (?) Same interests, same qualities (creative, sensitive, ironic sense of humor, etc.)... and I find that strange too. He broke up with me, so why would he want to go and find someone just like me to be with again??
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