deni9 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Greetings to all, Well my concern is that i am in a committed relationship with the man of my dreams, we will be 7 months on the 31st of this month. We have a great relationship. We are both happy, just one thing. He is a golfer and a realestate agent, and he is really busy. He doesnt really have time for me. Which ok, first it was an issue but now i understand and respect his responsibilities, and he feels bad and gets discouraged at work always wondering if i am happy with him, and starts created nonsense of me finding someone else with more of a liberal schedule. I know he loves me so much and i love him as well. Today he and i made some alone time together and we were outside infront of a lake and he was talking about getting everything ready for the future; he wants to marry me, and i would be the happiest if that were to happen but i sometimes wonder, what if i do get marry with him and he doesnt have time for me then. And not to sound like a selfish person, but.......i kind of need and so desire that attention from the love i one. i dont want to be miserable and always wondering of other things that shouldnt even be thought about. Once im married, im married. So that kind of makes me wonder if being with someone is on the go constantly a good thing? He is a successful man but what if he falls in love with that more than me.... I dont know, perhaps my insecurities are talking, and/or my selfishness but can someone kind of help me through this... I dont believe in receiving attention from anyone else, just the person i love. Matter in fact i dont want anyone but him.
Meloetta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I dont believe in receiving attention from anyone else, just the person i love. Matter in fact i dont want anyone but him. There's your answer. Seems like he's insecure as well, but he truly does care from how he seems to want to know if you're happy with him. Just talk it out with him, you two just need to put those insecurities away.
Hardgrind Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Deni9. you should think very hard about this. You are still in the early "in love" stage of your relationship. That cannot be sustained forever and must eventually be replaced with a longer term stable love if you get and stay married. Don't expect him to become a different person once you are married. He is likely showing you his best face now. If you already feel work and golf are getting more of his time than you would like now, this likely will get worse in the future. If the two of you get married and have children he likely will feel pressure to financially support the family and it is quite likely that his response will be to put even more time into his work, not less. And don't think of your needs as insecurities. They are not the same thing. If you are worried that he will cheat on you when there is no reason to suspect that, that is an insecurity. If you have a strong need for companionship and interaction, that is a need and you will need to have that met to be truly happy. Not everyone has the same needs, so it is helpful to understand what needs are most important for you. You can both be wonderful people, but if you cannot mutually meet each others most important needs you might not be the right people to marry each other. 1
joseb Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 How much/little time does he spend with you now? How much time does he spend playing golf?
Lansing Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 The only thing I would be concerned about is the amount if time he spends playing golf if that is a majority of his "free" time.mdoes he play its clients or just with friends? Has he ever invited you to play/learn? I was dating a girl last year and I had a really busy schedule with work (working evenings/weekends) but I made sure I was able to see her at least once a week. In fact, sometimes in the weekend she would be away even. Nonetheless, she ended up breaking up with me saying I wasn't giving her enough attention/etc. really frustrating spbecause I didn't want to be working 24/7 but she wasn't able to be patient to wait for me to get through super busy time.
xcupid Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 You're in the early stages of the relationship. Too early to be thinking about marriage until you see if you're both compatible. Realtors work long hours and odd hours. Is the golfing recreational or for business? If it's a problem now it will be a problem later on. Give the relationship more time and you'll have a better idea whether this is a big issue or not.
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 A man unwilling to cut down on his golfing to spend time with the woman of his life isn't worth marrying. Golf isn't what will keep him warm at night. 1
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Couple of questions. How much time do you actually spend together? Is he a professional golfer or is it just a hobby? Have you ever considered taking up golf yourself and golfing together? My dad was addicted to golfing, and admitted he could never be in a rl with a woman unless SHE was also a golfer. He ended up meeting and marrying a woman who was as big a golfer as he was, and they traveled all over the country together playing tournaments together. She was the love of his life..
Author deni9 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 He is a golfer caddie, and also does tournaments on certain weeks in a year. But he caddies almost everyday and now that he has me in his life, he doesn't do full-time, just part-time BUT when he is done; he does realestate Lets not to forget to mention he has a mom who is always demanding what to do; since the realestate is her business and he is trying to take over one day. But shes always demanding him and complaining. Its like she is stressing him out, and His brother is stressing his mom. Its just a big family mess. Ive never met a family with so much drama and all my boyfriend want is to have a calm simple life, but because working with his mom, and have the jobs he has, its difficult to do. I just dont know what to do. Its starting to annoy me, but man....he is such a keeper..
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Lets not to forget to mention he has a mom who is always demanding what to do; since the realestate is her business and he is trying to take over one day. But shes always demanding him and complaining. Its like she is stressing him out, and His brother is stressing his mom. Its just a big family mess. Ive never met a family with so much drama and all my boyfriend want is to have a calm simple life, but because working with his mom, and have the jobs he has, its difficult to do. I just dont know what to do. Its starting to annoy me, but man....he is such a keeper.. A keeper? well lets look at it again. * He's an adult male letting his mother control him and his time * He's an adult male sticking to a controlling mother in the hope he'll one day inherit her business * If your boyfriend really wanted a simple life he would have a simple life. He wouldn't stick with a controlling mother cause they're some advantage for him at the end. He'd be on his own, doing his own little thing, and everyone else in his family would see him at the black-sheep for not participating in their drama. BUT he would have simple. But that's not what your bf is doing right.
Author deni9 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 oh snap! i see your point. I guess i never thought about the situation that way Thank you for your input!
mimiMobile Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I don't know, I'd just live day by day. I once went out with someone for 3 years that began being self employed, he owns his own record label and would make his own hours so we'd spend a lot of time together. Then I got him a job at my company and we were around each other 24/7, then he became a cop andliterally worked opposite shift and I would NEVER see him save a few hrs in the morning. Now had I known he'd be a cop when we first began dating and started planning on seeing him few hrs a day I would have been like HELL NO. But you know what? We are human beings and we adapt. There are ways of making any situation work. Instead of the circumstances or environment, I'd question your love for him. Is he worth it? If yes, then yes, you can put up with his busy schedule. You love his heart and how well he fits within yours, not how well he fits within your lifestyle - because that is always subject to change.
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