Is trust regained quicker when a cheater confesses

[dragon_fly_7]

This is only pertaining to those that stayed with their WW/WH or a gf/bf that cheated and claims to be remorseful:

 

What is it that really hurts the most? The actual cheating act or the fact that the betrayed person had to find out on their own, confront the cheater, having the cheater lie his/her way and only confessing when showing them the evidence?? Basically the affair is put to an end by force, a forced reconciliation. I think that is that destroys trust the most.

 

So I was wondering for those that had to deal with the later scenario of forcing the truth out of the cheater (else they would have never come clean nor end it on their own) would the trust have been regained quicker if the cheater would have confessed and told the whole truth?

[BetrayedH]

I once read a study of married couples that had been thru infidelity. At two years post Dday, of those situations where the affair had been voluntarily disclosed, 70% remained together. Of those situations where the affair had instead been discovered, only 35% remained together (and only half of those reported being "happy").

 

So, in a marriage at least, a voluntary confession statistically doubles your chances of reconciling.

 

I believe that a voluntary confession speaks to true remorse and probably speaks more to that remorse than any other action. And I think true remorse on the part of the wayward has the greatest influence on the chances of a reconciliation.