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Relatives don't approve of me moving in with fiance. How do I deal with this?

marie55567

By marie55567
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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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d0nnivan, quote in asterisk above -- the boyfriend has wanted to meet him from the get go -- it was her dad who has REFUSED to meet him.

 

What is the bf supposed to do, break down her dad's door so he can meet him?

 

Her dad just outright said he does not wish to meet him! Because "there is nothing he can do for him, so it's pointless." The OP's exact words from her father. WTF!

 

In my world, that is unacceptable and unreasonable behavior from her father.....not the boyfriend.

 

 

If when the BF arrived to pick up the OP the dad walked out of the room & refused to meet him that would be one thing. Without further clarification, I really don't understand how the have gone this long without the BF & the dad at least saying hello. If the OP lives with the dad what happened that they never even inadvertently crossed paths?

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Els Established Member

Els

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I don't really agree with getting engaged or moving in together after just 6 months, but IMO the bigger issue here is that at 26, your parents' approval or lack thereof weighs so heavily on your decision-making. You are an adult now. Take their advice, take the advice of everyone here and your friends and family, but at the end of the day the decisions are yours and yours alone to make (just as the consequences are yours to live with). Stop worrying so much about their approval and spend that energy thinking about your R and weighing your decisions as an independent adult.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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If when the BF arrived to pick up the OP the dad walked out of the room & refused to meet him that would be one thing. Without further clarification, I really don't understand how the have gone this long without the BF & the dad at least saying hello. If the OP lives with the dad what happened that they never even inadvertently crossed paths?

 

I have asked my dad if he can come over and he said no. I didn't ask again. I'm done with this thread.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I have asked my dad if he can come over and he said no. I didn't ask again. I'm done with this thread.

 

 

That is my point.

 

 

Asking your dad if your BF can come over implies that your BF will be spending the evening in your home & your family will be required to entertain him.

 

 

Having your BF drive to your house to pick you up to go on the date is simply good manners. The scenario goes as follows: BF drives to your house. He parks the car, gets out & comes to the door. He knocks & you answer. He steps inside, shakes your father's hand & says he'll have you home at a reasonable hour.

 

 

If your BF never did that his failure to do so is exactly why your father hates him now. His failure to even so much as bother to come to the house before he proposed to you makes him a bad guy because he's disrespectful to your dad & moving too fast with you. What part of that is so hard for you to understand?

 

 

If you do not consider your father's point of view I see a lot of trouble & disappointment in your future because you don't make good decisions. At 26 you should be far more worldly then your are. I am genuinely worried for you.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

 

Having your BF drive to your house to pick you up to go on the date is simply good manners. The scenario goes as follows: BF drives to your house. He parks the car, gets out & comes to the door. He knocks & you answer. He steps inside, shakes your father's hand & says he'll have you home at a reasonable hour.

 

:confused: She's 26! Him saying this is just going to perpetuate the problem of her over-compliance to her parents (and their expectation of it). This is something that you say when you are 17, not 26.

 

It doesn't sound like the issue here is her bf's relationship with her dad at all, the issue is that (1) her relationship with her parents is unhealthy, (2) she needs to be more independent from her parents, and (3) she and her fiance are moving a bit too quickly.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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that is my point.

 

 

Asking your dad if your bf can come over implies that your bf will be spending the evening in your home & your family will be required to entertain him.

 

 

Having your bf drive to your house to pick you up to go on the date is simply good manners. The scenario goes as follows: Bf drives to your house. He parks the car, gets out & comes to the door. He knocks & you answer. He steps inside, shakes your father's hand & says he'll have you home at a reasonable hour.

 

 

If your bf never did that his failure to do so is exactly why your father hates him now. His failure to even so much as bother to come to the house before he proposed to you makes him a bad guy because he's disrespectful to your dad & moving too fast with you. What part of that is so hard for you to understand?

 

 

If you do not consider your father's point of view i see a lot of trouble & disappointment in your future because you don't make good decisions. At 26 you should be far more worldly then your are. I am genuinely worried for you.

 

 

omfg!!!!!!!!!!!! My father didn't find it disresepectful that he proposed without meeting first **** i already explained everything.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Posted
omfg!!!!!!!!!!!! My father didn't find it disresepectful that he proposed without meeting first **** i already explained everything.

 

I didn't see / hear you explain that. There is no reason to curse at me even in abbreviations.

 

I'm going to stop here because you & I are clearly at cross purposes here. You have yet to elaborate on how your BF could have avoided meeting your father for all this time. Yet you curse at me for trying to help.

 

Best wishes. You are going to need all the luck in the world to make this work

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
No I was never like this with my boyfriends so its new and I really don't know why my dad feels the way he does.

 

 

OK I take it your dad wasn't like this with other bfs so something about this one is wrong, wrong enough that he doesn't even want to meet him and wrong enough that the two of you hid your engagement.

So what is it?

Age, class, marital status, race, religion, politics, ex prisoner, drug addict, gang member... etc.

 

elaine, I interpreted marie's post completely differently.

 

 

She didn't say her dad wasn't like this with any of her boyfriends, she said she was never like this with any of her boyfriends - meaning as serious with any of them as she is with this guy.

 

 

In fact, I am wondering if marie ever even wanted any of her previous boyfriends to meet her dad, which is why this issue never presented itself now -- until she became serious with this guy, and expressed a desire for him (dad) to meet this guy.... the man she is serious about. And her dad flat out said NO, he has NO DESIRE to meet him and DOES NOT want to meet him, under any circumstances.

 

 

It is so obvious to me, and has been from the beginning of this thread, that the reason why her dad hates her boyfriend/fiance so much and does not want to meet him is because he is jealous of him - believes he is going to get her pregnant (she stated that earlier), and that he (boyfriend) is going to take her away from him (dad), away from being under his thumb, under his control!

 

 

Remember her dad said he DOES NOT want to meet him, there is NO point in meeting him... as he has nothing to offer him. What kind of shyt attitude is that from her own father?!! Come on.

 

 

marie, please take steps to move out on your own, away from your dad, away from his control and dominance he has over you.

 

 

This has nothing to do with anything your boyfriend/fiance is doing, not doing, etc.

 

 

Your dad won't like or want to meet ANY man you become serious with for the reasons I just stated - you need to MOVE OUT!

Edited by katiegrl
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