BriNyc82 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I'm so mad today. Mad that bc you didn't want me now I have to start from square 1 again. Mad that I am back in the dating world with guys who are flakey, wasting my time,immature and I'm just annoyed. Bc with you it was so easy. And here you are wanting to meet new people. Why would you want someone new when you had everything? You get everything you wanted while I'm left to clean up all the mess.
Gus Grimly Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I understand why you are upset. I'm in the same boat. The thought of dating again seems like a nightmare. Personally, I feel like I'll never find someone who will match me like my Ex did. I have met women in the past I've felt a strong connection with ... but they're always married. It's like I'm cursed or something. Like fate is always taunting and teasing me. Of course all the women I'm attracted too are married. It's just my luck. I decided that I'm finished with relationships for a while. It's all too painful. Yes, I do yearn to be loved by someone it's true. In the end, ignorance is bliss. 1
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 Gus I guess we can't force it right? Why do you think you are attracted to only married women? Do you think you seek them out bc subconsciously you know they are unavailable thus preventing you from being with someone and getting hurt? How are you even meeting married women lol 1
Gus Grimly Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I used to meet them through all different means. I used to do the bar scene and surprisingly enough there are married women out there. When I went to college, I'd meet really awesome girls .. engaged/married. Meet at the Gym or out wherever. Married. I met this really cool girl who owned this shop with handmade jewelry. We hit is off. I bumped into her at a music venue near her shop one night and we had such great chemistry. She was married, of course. Didn't stop her from inviting me on a picnic at a park. The picnic was awesome and I was already starting to lose myself in the moment. After that, I felt guilty, kept struggling with it till my conscious said "gtfo". So I just vanished from that scene because I got too close to the fire. In my life, I've had about 5 married woman who wanted to give everything up for me. o.O Why is this happening? I'm a good listener, I'm fun, caring and I guess I fill some emotional need these women desire. I'm sure my looks probably have something to do with it. I'm attracted to these women because they're chill, more settled down in life have that 'mom' nurturing side to them. I like women who aren't all high maintenance, intently career oriented. I find it hard to find women like this who are single. If I do they're divorced with kids. Most women I meet have kids these days. It's an epidemic.
Gus Grimly Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Do you think you seek them out bc subconsciously you know they are unavailable thus preventing you from being with someone and getting hurt? Whoa ... you know, I never really thought about it. Maybe you're right. Perhaps I need to talk to a relationship counselor or something about that. I've never really gave any of this a consideration but now that you point it out .... could I be scared of being hurt?
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 Gus I have no idea lol I only say this b/c I keep falling for emotionally unavailable men and I have to ask myself WHY! My defense: I didnt know it when I met them. However, there must be a commonality in them. Which is why I ask you the same thing. Maybe we are scared of being hurt. I don't know? Don't these women have rings? Maybe you know you can talk to them and bond bc you know that's as far as it will ever go so you can TRULY be yourself with no judgement. 5 married women ready to drop everything for you? I'm sure that feels good!
Gus Grimly Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Which is why I ask you the same thing. Maybe we are scared of being hurt. I don't know? Well if I wasn't scared of being hurt before, I am now. I've never been this messed up over a breakup before. I never want to go through this ever again. No way Jose! How about you? Are you feeling scared to be hurt again? Don't these women have rings? Maybe you know you can talk to them and bond bc you know that's as far as it will ever go so you can TRULY be yourself with no judgement. 5 married women ready to drop everything for you? I'm sure that feels good! You got it. That's it. I was able to be myself around these women and overtime I guess they fell in love with me. I've always found it hard to be myself around women I'm dating. I always felt the need to always be "on" for them to like me. Did they have rings? Yes, I knew they were married. These relationships formed over a period of time, friendships and life. It was the emotional bond that really opened the doors. It does feel good, I guess. 2 of them got divorced for me. 3 of the 5 who wanted to drop everything were ... yuck. One of them was my friends mom. Yikes! Awkward!
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Am I scared? Scared is an understatement. I cannot go through another breakup again. And this is just a breakup. I am petrified now to ever get married. My biggest fear was that one day someone will wake up and leave me. And that's what happened. What happens if I get married and I have kids and this happens? I won't survive it. And I hate being all negative bc my life is so together and Im such a + normal person in other aspects of my life. I typically have good confidence. Maybe too much to the point where I don't know why these guys can't see all these amazing qualities that I see. Maybe the right guy will. Well with the married women there was no pressure. 2 of the women got divorced for you? Did you end up marrying them? Your friend's mom? Did he know? Question overload! 2
ravfour4 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Don't be scared Bri, you'll learn from this and I'm sure if you look back there were warning signs. I loved my ex a ton but I became complacent and knew things weren't great but due to external stressors I just figured "it'll get better" and assumed "we'll be together forever". Had I put conscious purposeful effort towards fixing it and sat her down to dig into her issues, I could have prevented this. At the same time, she could have communicated much better rather than saying it's fine, contradicting herself and then dropping a bomb on me and leaving. I won't make those mistakes again, I won't ignore the warning signs and believe the "I'll never leave you" because words are just words.
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Thanks Rav, I wish I could say I trust myself to not make this mistake again but I just don't know. I need to accept that not everyone is honest like me. To a fault I guess. I'm sorry neither of you were able to work on your issues and it had to come to that. I'm sure it's easier to look back now and say I could have, I should have. There's always a lesson learned. I definitely have learned many lessons throughout this breakup. I know the saying 'actions speak louder than words' usually rings true, but in my case there were SO many actions. And little to no words or intentions to back it up. I guess you need a balance. I just feel spent. Exhausted. Emotionally drained.
Gus Grimly Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 My biggest fear was that one day someone will wake up and leave me. And that's what happened. What happens if I get married and I have kids and this happens? I won't survive it. I suppose I never go into these thing thinking it could end up in such dreadful heartbreak. That's why when it happens I'm absolutely shocked and blindsided. I think the only way I'd ever get engaged again is if I had no reservations whatsoever (no red flags). Kids on top of that? I can't even imagine. I'm a lot like you Briny, I'm an honest person. These days I feel like being honest is a weakness instead of a strength. I just want honesty as well, but that seems to be a rare trait these days. People are out for themselves, they want to have their cake and eat it too. Well with the married women there was no pressure. 2 of the women got divorced for you? Did you end up marrying them? Your friend's mom? Did he know? Question overload! Yeap, no pressure at all. But I wasn't trying to hook up with anyone of them. Just like talking to them, for companionship. They fell love with me and then it went off the rails from there. Yes 2 got divorced for me. 1 was my current Ex and we were engaged. The other I had no idea she was so in love with me. One day at a party, her husband and I were alone, he was drunk. He kept saying odd stuff to me like "Treat her right, she a good one. Don't ever give her grief". I was like "wtf is this guy talking about?" He put his arm around me and said "I know you'll do right by her." A week later she happily told me she was getting a divorce. It got really weird after that. My friends mom. Ugh. That one is a long story. I don't know if he knew she was in love with me. He knew I was friends with her. One day at his house, we were sitting around with a few friends and the subject came up and one guy was saying stuff to me like; "oh his mom wants to have sex with you", just messing around. My friend looked sooooo embarrassed instead of a normal whatever/rolleyes reaction. I could tell that it killing him inside. My friend never asked about my "friendship" with his mom. I dunno why I let myself get into these complicated situations. Anytime I try to have a friendship with a female it gets all weird. I like girls as friends but it seems impossible without feelings getting involved.
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 I don't think I necessarily go into meeting guys thinking "he" will hurt me, but deep down it's my fear. For such a smart girl I don't know why I can't see past these guys. Sometimes I think I am too low maintenance and so easy going that it's not a challenge. Or maybe they think I have low expectations. idk. I agree, most people are not honest bc most people don't want to have uncomfortable conversations or situations. They need to get over it. Its life. Life will always throw you curveballs. But it's something that is a deal breaker for me. I will not sacrifice myself and be dishonest just bc other people aren't strong enough to handle it. You did not fall in love with these women? I'm assuming they got divorced for you under the assumption you would be together. I'm sure your friend knew. Otherwise he probably would have laughed it off. He probably doesnt even want to ask you b/c of the obvious.......hahah Maybe you should pick girls that are ugly, this way you won't fall for them. 1
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