Aristocles Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Text wall approaches. These things happened over a year ago, and there were other dates and a couple of workplace one night stands around the same time, but these women were two of only three I've actually developed attachments towards and the fact of their happenings lead me to lose confidence and pretty much stop dating, so yeah. The first girl I met off of OKcupid. She was this attractive, feminist vegan philosophy student. We had a lot to talk about on the first date, got a bit drunk and then slept together after a few hours. She said just before the end of the first date 'I'm not looking for a relationship' 'this is just a one night stand'. I won't see you after tonight'. I then three day rul'd her and she texted asking for a second date a few days later. The second date was much the same as the first, except she said she was looking for friends with benefits but 'if it happens it happens'. The third date she suggested going on a 'romantic trip' to the cinema then dinner' and that we should hold hands during the film. She initiated this. Again end of date sex, and when I would mention other women she'd get jealous but said during the date 'We're not dating' I don't do boyfriends'. Fourth date pub and club followed by sex, then fifth date a film at hers followed by sex. The filth date was slightly awkward but again sex ensued. A few days later she was slow at returning my texts, then stopped returning them completely. After meeting ten days later to get back belongings I'd left at hers she said there wasn't a spark, she didn't want a relationship and I did. Says she likes me, but only as a friend. There wasn't much intra-date communication, but she acted fairly girlfriend on dates. I took her 'I don't want a relationship' type talk during the dating as just her acting up to her icy-intellectual persona given her actions. Said she'd never felt any attachment towards me and that she acted girlfriendish because she thought I wanted it. Said she never felt jealousy over other women but I saw a flash of anger in her eyes when I told her I'd slept with someone else a few days earlier. I opted to cut contact. The other girl I met from POF. She was this hot 6 foot tall art student. We had less in common but slept together about 90 minutes in to meeting. Three day ruling her resulting in her asking for a second date and there were several more of the pub, change pub, club, go back to hers format dates, then it transitioned to spending the day at hers. I'd spend whole weekends at hers, and unlike the other girl she would text me everyday. It was pretty boyfriend-girlfriendy, and we had awesome frequent sex. A month in to it she asks me up for a 'cuddle nap' (cuddling in to her in bed before she went to work at night) I go up but she's tired and cold seeming. It's super awkward. Before this though, things were going well so I text a her a day later asking her to be my girlfriend, to which she respond's that her 'heart isn't in it' 'we don't have enough in common' and she doesn't hasn't felt a 'connection' yet, so we should probably stop seeing each other. I meet her the next day and when I ask her if she feels attached post-sex she says yeah, but it's like the attachment to a friend' and that the spark that should be there wasn't. I again opt to cut contact, she cries and we say goodbye. See what I don't get is that I could find the 'no spark' and 'I only like you as a friend' comments perfectly comprehensible if they'd came at the end of an unsuccessful date in which there was no attraction. Easy enough 'No spark' = 'I don't fancy you'. It's just that after a month of sex, and excellent sex with the second girl, and the fact that second girl would text me just for the sake of cuddling I just don't get their actions. If you weren't in to a person why keep seeing them, and asking for/agreeing to more dates. A lot, though not all of the dates involved alcohol, so sometimes I think to myself maybe it was just beer goggles on there part. We weren't always drunk though. This may seem fairly insignificant, but I just spend a lot of the time thinking about this, and it just leaves me perplexed and leads me to seriously doubt my attractiveness. Both of them were full of compliments and I don't think they were seeing others. I just don't get it.
pidgeon1010 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Some people can have sex without ANY emotional attachment. The fact that both girls accepted dates and slept with you doesn't mean they were interested in relationship. Never assume. Maybe if you are looking for a true connection where you are not puzzled about a woman's true motives, leave the sex out of the dating at the beginning and truly get to know the girl first.
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