wendydarling Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 It's been about a month since the breakup, but only 7 days since he decided (after talking for 3 weeks about it) that he didn't want to get back together, so today is day 7 of NC. His reasons for the breakup were a disconnection issue on his part (referenced here), but the big issue was that he wants to travel. I mentioned in the other post that he has a lot of issues going on in his life. Basically, he is 27 and started freaking out around his birthday because he is "close to 30" and hasn't accomplished goals that he had set for himself. This set off a chain of unhappiness in his life due to these goals that he hasn't accomplished, and he decided that he wanted to travel. Not just travel, but literally sell his car and take public transportation and/or hitchhike around the country, sleeping on couches or "park benches if I can't find a place to stay." He clearly isn't even thinking straight. I realize that this isn't any of my business anymore, I just wanted to give a little background to anyone reading this. Anyway, I was doing (mostly) okay for the first 5 days. Yesterday, I woke up sad after having dreams of him all night, and since then I have been in a sad mood that I can't seem to be able to shake. The first few days I was okay by being more angry than anything, and thinking about the few things he did that I found annoying. The problem is that the anger wore off, and there were only a miniscule amount of annoying habits that he had, compared to the many months of happy memories that I can compare them to. I feel so stupid because clearly he doesn't want to be with me, yet I cannot stop worrying about him. I don't understand how someone who seemed so mature and together could suddenly do a 180 and decide that they need to get away from their life so badly that they want to immediately quit their job, sell their car, and travel across the country without a plan, sleeping on park benches. While we were still talking, I told him that he should seek counseling, and he considered it but ultimately rejected it because he "doesn't have the money." He is very close to his mother, but I know that she is not aware of the whole story, because he told me that he doesn't want to tell her and have her worry that he is suicidal. He assured me that he is not, but he has also said that he feels life is "meaningless" and that he just wants to not feel trapped in his life (nothing to do with me, more to do with his job and the goals he has not accomplished). I've said before that I know that this isn't my business anymore, but it's hard turning off your emotions and not caring or giving any thought to someone who was a big part of your life for a year. He has said multiple times that our breakup had absolutely nothing to do with me and that I've done nothing wrong, that it's all on him and that he is "broken" and needs to fix himself. There is a part of me that is worried that he is going to take off on this trip because he didn't get help, and wind up stabbed to death on a bench in the middle of the night because of a robbery gone wrong, or something like that. I feel so stupid for having these thoughts and even caring so much for someone who treated me so badly, but I can't help it. I can't turn my feelings off and I can't seem to get myself out of this funk.
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 He's having a quarter life crisis. It's not about you. In your head give him one final Good Luck; I hope you find what you are looking for & have a safe journey then try to put him out of your mind. He's on to the next chapter in his life & it doesn't include you. Focus on your own healing. 2
Author wendydarling Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your reply. I know it's not about me, and I have been trying to heal. However, part of the reason that I'm finding it so hard to move past it is because it has nothing to do with me. I've thought for awhile that he was having a quarter-life crisis, and he realizes that there is something that he needs to fix. While I am sad that the relationship is over, the sadness that I am feeling right now is because I actually feel bad for him. It is not part of my personality to be able to wish someone ill or hope that they are feeling miserable, as I understand is very common for dumpees. I am also okay with having NC, as hard as it is, because it does allow for the healing process to occur. But he was in my life for a year, and was such a good-natured, respectable, and loving person, right up until his quarter-life crisis got the better of him. It isn't so easy to put him out of my mind, although I have been trying. As I said, my sadness is because I feel bad for him. Although I am no longer in his life, he needs help and I hope he gets it, rather than the macabre alternative I keep thinking of of him being stabbed on a park bench in the middle of the night. Edited July 24, 2015 by wendydarling
BriNyc82 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Thank you for your reply. I know it's not about me, and I have been trying to heal. However, part of the reason that I'm finding it so hard to move past it is because it has nothing to do with me. I've thought for awhile that he was having a quarter-life crisis, and he realizes that there is something that he needs to fix. While I am sad that the relationship is over, the sadness that I am feeling right now is because I actually feel bad for him. It is not part of my personality to be able to wish someone ill or hope that they are feeling miserable, as I understand is very common for dumpees. I am also okay with having NC, as hard as it is, because it does allow for the healing process to occur. But he was in my life for a year, and was such a good-natured, respectable, and loving person, right up until his quarter-life crisis got the better of him. It isn't so easy to put him out of my mind, although I have been trying. As I said, my sadness is because I feel bad for him. Although I am no longer in his life, he needs help and I hope he gets it, rather than the macabre alternative I keep thinking of of him being stabbed on a park bench in the middle of the night. I know how hard it is when they say they need to fix themselves and it has nothing to do with you. Shouldn't I have had something to do with it? Was I not even considered in his plan? I wanted it to be about me. It almost hurts more when they say it isn't about you bc then what the F were you doing with me? But I guess in the end it showed me where I stood. Which was nowhere. And I doubt if your guy is anything like mine that they actually will take the necessary healthy steps to fix themselves. Therapy? Yeah right. But I am 2 months post BU and it does get better. I have sad days but I try to use my anger to fuel me and keep me going. Any guy that doesn't want to be with me doesn't deserve to be with me. If they aren't scared to lose me they aren't worth it. It's something I actually do believe. Do you really want to be with someone who is so unsure about everything? Men are really good at hiding things so it's no surprise you didn't see it coming. Many hugs coming your way. It gets better xoxo
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