Well she did it, pulled the trigger. Here i go again!

[sacg]

Want to know the really sad part. I still feel like Id gie this another shot should she want to. How ***in mad is that? For Gods sake people, help me out here. Why am i not running a mile and counting my blessings?

 

This woman wanted a baby with me 3 months in. Was talking of marriage. Was throwing hissy fits over nothing. Was pushing me away and pulling me back, although these werent real break ups as such. Was acting unreasonable, eratic at times. Showed clear signs of at the very least, anger management issues. Why in Gods name didnt i read these red flags. You dont have to understand BPD to know that aint right, surely? What the hell is wrong with me?

[Downtown]

This is so confusing to even wrote all down! She makes me feel like ive ended it. Like ive abandoned her and her daughter.

Sacg, if she has strong BPD traits, that confusion -- wherein you are led to believe that you somehow may be responsible for her abusive behaviors -- is to be expected. BPDers can be so convincing because they usually are projecting, not outright lying. Because the projections are created subconsciously, the BPDer usually sincerely believes the outrageous allegations and rationalizations coming out of her mouth. You will often be amazed that any adult is able to say such things and hold a straight face at the same time.

 

BPDers typically refuse to accept responsibility for any of their own actions. My BPDer exW, for example, initiated our separation by calling the police and having me arrested on a bogus charge. During the 3 days I was in jail, she obtained a R/O barring me from returning to my own home for the next 18 months, the time it takes to get a divorce in this State. After I filed for divorce, my exW did too through her own lawyer.

 

Yet, when the judge asked her at the divorce hearing whether she wanted the divorce, she told the judge that, no, she really did not want it. She claimed that I was the one who wanted it so badly. The judge, knowing a few things about her background, just rolled her eyes on hearing that outrageous claim -- and granted the divorce anyway. Moreover, it was granted pursuant to my exW's petition for divorce, not mine.

[mightycpa]

Ok, during the call i slipped and asked what exactly she wanted from this. To be my friend, to try again, etc. Ive just received this text back

 

"Im sorry if i seem so matter of fact. I dont want to fall out particularly, but if thats what you want im fine with it. At the moment I want to be on my own, its just the way i feel, its not you it me. Probably as its the school hols too. I dont mean to hurt your feelings but im not going to lie."

Sacg,

 

I'd advise that to finish this, you need to present a face that is just as indifferent as hers. My suggestion to help you get to the end of this:

 

I've struggled with responding to this, but I think the best thing to do is to just say what's on my mind. You don't seem matter of fact to me, or like you want to be on your own. You seem like you want to drag this out, and keep me hanging around. I don't know why, all I want to do is get my stuff, and let you go do whatever it is that you want to do, without any interference from me. But you're being weird, like my stuff is some kind of lifeline to the past. How about instead I just send someone over to get my stuff, and we'll call it a day? Let me know when, the sooner the better.

 

Mmm-hmmm. That's what I'd send.

[aloneinaz]

Want to know the really sad part. I still feel like Id gie this another shot should she want to. How ***in mad is that? For Gods sake people, help me out here. Why am i not running a mile and counting my blessings?

 

 

 

You need to swap each others things or if they are only minor things, throw them in the garbage so you have no further reasons for contact.

 

 

My last ex I'm quite sure suffers from BPD. She aligns with over 90% of the traits. Guess how many times we broke up and got back together? 6-7 times w/most being just a week or two.

 

 

Trust me, I know it's SSOO very hard to break away. In my case, I kept thinking back to the first few months while she was on her best behavior. She was SSOO loving, so sexual and was simply AMAZING in bed. VERY naughty and pleasing.. As I stated, she always had a knack at saying the most complimentary things..

 

 

And then... ALL HELL BROKE loose. Her REAL personality came through and OMG, was I in for a nightmare. I kept clinging to the hope that she return to the original girl. That's what kept making me go back for more abuse. Ironically, we had broken up for a couple of weeks then got back together. Her ex husband came to get the kids. He said to me "back for more abuse, huh?" Was he ever right.

 

 

Listen, you have to do some soul searching like I did after I broke free. Clearly, you have some baggage in yourself that's making you even consider going back for more. Like Downtown, I discovered what my issues were that made me go back for all the abuse I endured. You need to do the same.

 

 

When you feel weak and like you want to contact her, re-read this thread. Write another journal outlining all the BS she pulled. I did, and I re-read it a lot. Now, 2 plus years later, I'm simply amazed at what I put up with. Understand, she's NOT going to change. If you go back, you'll simply get right back on the emotional roller coaster from hell. The cycle will only repeat and repeat until you're plagued with your own emotional break down. Stay strong and stay away from her. You're mental health is way more important.

[bubbaganoosh]

Look friend. What your seeing from her is the real her so you tell me if that's what you want to have a relationship with.

 

Is it because you need to have someone in your life and you'll settle for an abuser? If that's the case then I have no pity on you.

 

It's time you read everything you wrote on this post and ask yourself if this is the type of woman you want to be stuck with or ask yourself if you deserve better....................like being with someone whose normal.

 

The only thing your going to get out of this is more of the same so close the book on this winner and move on.

[mtnbiker3000]

You might want to read No More Mr Nice Guy, by Robert Glover, if you want to try to understand your role in this, or any, relationship. How things go is never solely one persons doing. We all 'co-create' every relationship we are involved in. Friends, family, lovers, etc....

Edited July 31, 2015 by mtnbiker3000

[sacg]

You need to swap each others things or if they are only minor things, throw them in the garbage so you have no further reasons for contact.

 

They weren't cheap items, but its all done now. I collected yesterday as stated above with a friend. Was not a nice experience. She was more angry than me and she finished it. Kind of made me feel like i was the one bailing out. Couldnt understand why i didnt want to remain in her life somehow.

 

 

My last ex I'm quite sure suffers from BPD. She aligns with over 90% of the traits. Guess how many times we broke up and got back together? 6-7 times w/most being just a week or two.

 

This i would regard as our first proper break up. unless you count the little push/pulls that usually started after a fight, where she went silent on me for a few days then back to normal. thats not a break up right? So im guessing this is the 1st real break up where shes actually finished it. Looking like i wont get the 5 or 6 tries, im kinda hoping im strong enough that this is enough to walk.

 

 

Trust me, I know it's SSOO very hard to break away. In my case, I kept thinking back to the first few months while she was on her best behavior. She was SSOO loving, so sexual and was simply AMAZING in bed. VERY naughty and pleasing.. As I stated, she always had a knack at saying the most complimentary things..

 

Can totally relate to this. Even the sex started to get "normal" and less frequent after a few months. Again, this always started insecurity in me, coupled with her erratic and uncaring behaviour, I was always doubting.

 

And then... ALL HELL BROKE loose. Her REAL personality came through and OMG, was I in for a nightmare. I kept clinging to the hope that she return to the original girl. That's what kept making me go back for more abuse. Ironically, we had broken up for a couple of weeks then got back together. Her ex husband came to get the kids. He said to me "back for more abuse, huh?" Was he ever right.

 

Every week she would go into one at some point, or at least every other week. looking back, it was always when we were getting close. Funny thing is, shes now the one telling me the relationship is toxic, that we always argue, that we dont get on! Do they actually not see that they are the major contributors to this?

 

 

Listen, you have to do some soul searching like I did after I broke free. Clearly, you have some baggage in yourself that's making you even consider going back for more. Like Downtown, I discovered what my issues were that made me go back for all the abuse I endured. You need to do the same.

 

Already done this. Im guessing i do have all the marks of co-dependency to a certain extent. Looking back on my last relationship, it was similar. I also never had a close loving relationship with my mother. She was a hard woman. MAybe she has BPD traits!

[sacg]

Look friend. What your seeing from her is the real her so you tell me if that's what you want to have a relationship with.

 

I guess the rescuer in me wants to help, although I know that folly. I guess part of me also is still trying to determine, or maybe find excuses for, if this is BPD or i have a part to play and its possibly reconcilable. Its still all very confusing and RAW. But today I eel a lot better than yesterday, the last ties are removed, and I will go complete NC. I cant risk it anything at this stage.

 

Is it because you need to have someone in your life and you'll settle for an abuser? If that's the case then I have no pity on you.

 

I was on my own for 4 years prior to this relationship. I dont "need" anyone in my life. I fell for this girl, in a big way. By the looks of things, thats pretty common. And i for one will NOT be going through 5 -6 break ups until it ends.

 

It's time you read everything you wrote on this post and ask yourself if this is the type of woman you want to be stuck with or ask yourself if you deserve better....................like being with someone whose normal.

 

I know. this is the hard bit. I guess im slightly in denial thats shes full blown BPD, i guess i cant help but look for the positives.

 

The only thing your going to get out of this is more of the same so close the book on this winner and move on.

 

Im starting to believe this to be true. :-(

[sacg]

Todays another day. Woke up, amazingly not too bad. Yesterday was a nightmare, and set me back a little. But today i feel a little detached, numb, empathetic, just a little wired out!

 

Anyway, ties cut, nothing really to be in contact about other than the Jeep, but that can wait. Whatever the future holds, time for me to disappear and let her get on with it. Im pretty sure that she will re-connect at some point. God knows how after shes acted and spoken to me recently. But im sure she will. Im assuming will be from our dogs perspective, or maybe a friendly approach through FB. Either way, unless she has someone else in the wings right now, Im guessing she'll re-appear. Just hoping ive moved on enough to see the wood for the trees and keep her at bay. Such a shame to even write this, regardless of thinking shes unbalanced, I still love and miss her. The good was good!

 

Had a mad few weeks, losing my job, nearly losing my home, losing my woman and almost losing my mind. Hard time to get through. But new job Monday, managed to retain my home, just her I've not managed. :-)

 

Maybe her finishing with me was a blessing. Maybe she wont come back. Funny, i found a comment on another forum that brought a smile to my face, it read...

 

Lenny Bruce: I couldn't take it anymore, so I finally did it. After everything, all the misery, the fighting, and the lies, I finally, finally broke away from her.

 

Steve Allen: How did you do it?

 

Lenny Bruce: She left me.

 

The crazy thing is, I still cant get my head around just how much someone can be messed up and they never really realise. I mean she has a string of failed short term relationships behind her, is aware she has an anger issue, has had men in the past collect their things when she wasnt around, a load of stuff. But not once do they ever think, hang on, its not at these men that are dicks, it may actually be me. HTF can they not see re-occurring patterns.

 

Another question. What type of personality would survive with a BPD. Reason i ask, is that I know she was madly in love with a guy a few years back. They survived almost 2 years before he binned out and got his stuff out behind her back. She lost a lot, her home, money and was miles away. it was tough for her. But i think this personality he had suited to a point. Maybe he was the same? Maybe he was narcisstic? Just a thought.

 

Anyway, I text her one final text after getting the stuff yesterday.. Basically just being decent, saying i did love her and wish her and her daughter all the best. Was sorry it got so bad. And goodbye. .................She didn't respond!

Edited July 31, 2015 by sacg

[sacg]

After reading stuff on here and other places, its seems a lot of women seem to be labelled with having traits of BPD, or at least people refer to that as a possible cause, a lot. My thinking is, are just most women off the scale slightly, and we contributed to that relationship ending somehow, or is it that we are trying to find release from something we dont get, in order to separate easier? I mean, if thats the case, and most women are not BPD, but just highly irrational lets say, then arent we cheating ourselves out of development?

 

Sorry, deep moment.

[aloneinaz]

 

 

The crazy thing is, I still cant get my head around just how much someone can be messed up and they never really realise. I mean she has a string of failed short term relationships behind her, is aware she has an anger issue, has had men in the past collect their things when she wasnt around, a load of stuff. But not once do they ever think, hang on, its not at these men that are dicks, it may actually be me. HTF can they not see re-occurring patterns.

 

 

My last exes husband cheated on her. She kicked him out of their home. She then had three short, 3-4 month relationships w/very little time in between. She then met me. We lasted a rough 1.4 years. She ended us and was on the dating sites 6 days later. She then dated for a bit and then had another short term relationship of 2-3 months. Then, she came back after me and was told no. Since then, she's had another 2 month relationship and is now in another one for several months. How do I know? She still emails once in a while that I ignore.

 

Another question. What type of personality would survive with a BPD. Reason i ask, is that I know she was madly in love with a guy a few years back. They survived almost 2 years before he binned out and got his stuff out behind her back. She lost a lot, her home, money and was miles away. it was tough for her. But i think this personality he had suited to a point. Maybe he was the same? Maybe he was narcisstic? Just a thought.

 

 

I'm not sure there's any particular personality that can really get along with a BPD person any length of time. They simply get bored after the idealization phase ends. That's when the devaluation phase hits them. I think they fight all the time because they simply need the chaos in their lives to feel alive. They don't like the laid back, push overs nor do they like strong personalities either. Simply said, you have to feel sorry for them unless they REALLY put in some work to address their deep issues. My exes sister told me one time that her and her husband didn't think anyone would make her happy. Her MO was to be head over heals the first few months, then she'd swing to finding only fault and then dump them.

 

 

The bottom line is you need to stay strong and stay away from her. I personally don't think you should of sent that last text. If it made you feel better, than ok. You have to go into FULL NC w/her so you can heal from the combat of that relationship.

 

 

I went from that crazy ex to my current GF. In two years, she's NEVER demonstrated ANY of the behaviors of my crazy ex. No break ups. Only minor arguments. Her moods are consistently steady, she's very positive and always see's life's blessings and is mentally HEALTHY. Her behavior only reinforces how f'd up my ex truly was. I can say w/100% certainty that the exes current BF is going through a roller coaster of hell. She'll never change and to me, that's sad because everyone deserves to be happy.

Edited July 31, 2015 by aloneinaz

[mtnbiker3000]

Already done this. Im guessing i do have all the marks of co-dependency to a certain extent. Looking back on my last relationship, it was similar. I also never had a close loving relationship with my mother. She was a hard woman. MAybe she has BPD traits!

 

We all seek specific partners and relationships for a reason, which can then turn into a pattern. Again, you co-created all of this. And by the sound of it, it's not the first time.

 

As another poster mentioned, if I were you, I would be looking hard in the mirror rather than trying to label her and make sense of her actions. The only one you can understand and control is yourself!!

 

Now I really suggest you read Dr Glover's book. I am quite confident you will glean a lot from it...

[Downtown]

The crazy thing is, I still cant get my head around just how much someone can be messed up and they never really realize. I mean she has a string of failed short term relationships behind her.... HTF can they not see re-occurring patterns?

Sacg, one reason is that, due to a BPDer's self loathing and shame, her subconscious works 24/7 protecting her fragile ego by keeping her from seeing too much of reality. It accomplishes this by projecting her painful feelings, mistakes, and bad thoughts onto her partner. Hence, at a conscious level, she typically will truly believe those problems are originating from YOU.

 

Another reason is that the vast majority of BPDers (study results suggest 2/3 to 3/4 of them) are high functioning folks who usually get along very well with casual friends, business associates, and total strangers. As long as those people don't try to become a close friend, they pose no threat to the HF BPDer's two fears: abandonment and engulfment. There is no close R/S that can be abandoned and no intimacy to cause the suffocating feeling of engulfment.

 

Hence, from the perspective of the HF BPDer, she is getting along FINE with nearly everyone except YOU. As to her many past failures with exBFs, she can easily rationalize that away by viewing men as untrustworthy -- a viewpoint that comes naturally to a BPDer due to her inability to trust.

 

What type of personality would survive with a BPD?

The longest BPDer relationships typically are those with excessive caregivers like me, who are the "fixers" of the world. Our desire to be needed (for what we can do) far exceeds our desire to be loved (for the people we already are). We thus are loath to walk away from a sick loved one. My experience is that we excessive caregivers almost NEVER walk away.

 

What typically happens, instead, is that the BPDers walk away from us caregivers after 12 to 15 years. As the years go by, the BPDers become increasingly resentful of our inability to make them happy (an impossible task). And, as the see their bodies aging, they become more fearful of abandonment. What scares the hell out of them, however, is not seeing their bodies age but, rather, seeing us partners start to build stronger personal boundaries. Our growing reluctance to keep walking on eggshells is interpreted by a BPDer as a sure sign we are already making plans to divorce or walk out.

 

To a lesser extent, narcissists also tend to last quite a while in a BPDer R/S. The BPDer's adulation (in the "splitting white" periods) satisfies the narcissist's strong need for affirmation, thus providing the "narcissistic supply" he is seeking. Moreover, the BPDer's withdrawal (in the "splitting black" periods) also satisfies the narcissist's needs. It meets his need for frequent mini-vacations from intimacy. Like the BPDers, a narcissist cannot tolerate intimacy for too long.

 

Similarly, the narcissist also satisfies important needs of the BPDer. Because a narcissist typically is emotionally stable, he is able to provide the stability that a BPDer sorely needs. And because a narcissist has a well-defined self image (albeit, a false one), he is able to provide the sense of identity that a BPDer is seeking.

 

Significantly, BOTH the BPDer and Narcissist don't really know who they are. The BPDer, however, is aware that she doesn't know who she is -- which results in her being so unstable. In contrast, the narcissist usually is more highly functional because he mistakenly believes that his false self image (of being "perfect") is real. The irony, then, is that narcissists generally are more stable and functional (than the BPDers) because they are so completely out of touch with their true selves that they mistakenly believe the false selves are true. This, at least, is my understanding, Sacg.

 

After reading stuff on here and other places, its seems a lot of women seem to be labelled with having traits of BPD, or at least people refer to that as a possible cause, a lot.

Sacg, the 2008 Study in JCP (a randomized study of nearly 35,000 American adults) found the lifetime incidence of full-blown BPD to be 6% for the general population -- a figure that was found to be equal for both men and women. Hence, if you are seeing more discussion here about female BPDers than about males, it likely is because men start substantially more threads here than women do.

 

The reason for that, I believe, is that men are far more reluctant than women in seeking help from their friends on personal issues. That is, women are far more likely to obtain the advice and support they need by sharing all the ugly details with their women friends. Men are much less likely to be that forthcoming about personal issues to their buddies. They find it much more acceptable to seek help anonymously on a forum like LoveShack.

 

Given an incidence of 6% for BPD in the general population, you should expect to see at least 6% of the threads discussing BPD warning signs. Yet, there are reasons to believe that figure for threads should be far greater than 6%. Because BPDers desperately seek out a stable partner as a way of acquiring an identity, it is rare for them to form LTRs with other BPDers. When both partners in a R/S don't know who they are and are unstable, they break up quickly. Moreover, BPDers must pick from a dating pool that is 94% nonBPDer. The result is that BPDer LTRs nearly always are with "Nons" (i.e., nonBPDers). If so, this means nearly 12% of LTRs have a BPDer as one of the partners.

 

But there are two reasons to believe that figure is well above 12%. One is that the 12% figure is based only on the share of full-blown BPDers. As I noted earlier, a person satisfying only 80% of the diagnostic criteria (thus, "not having BPD") likely will be nearly as impossible to live with as one satisfying 100%.

 

The second reason the 12% is understated is that BPDers typically have far more LTRs than other people do. They usually leave a long trail of failed relationships. After all, they HATE to be alone because they sorely need someone else to supply the missing sense of identity. And they keep pushing their LTR partners away because, as time goes by, they become increasingly resentful of the partner's inability to make them happy -- and become increasingly fearful of abandonment when they see the partner enforcing personal boundaries.

 

That's why I believe BPDers account for well above 12% of LTRs in the general population. And that figure should be larger still when you look not at the general population but, rather, at those LTRs that are so painful that one partner ends up seeking help here on the LoveShack forum. Based on these considerations, one might reasonably expect to see BPD warning signs being discussed in far more than 12% of the threads.

 

BPD discussions, however, don't get anywhere close to 12% of the threads. Indeed, I would be very surprised if the percent having a serious discussion of BPD traits exceeds 1%. I say this because, although I try to participate in most of them, my count of subscribed threads over the past five years is only 461 -- which accounts for only one-tenth of 1% of the forum's total of 450,636 threads.

[sacg]

We all seek specific partners and relationships for a reason, which can then turn into a pattern. Again, you co-created all of this. And by the sound of it, it's not the first time.

 

I think it is the first time I've been involved with someone who has hfBpd. The last girlfriend was slightly insecure and depressed, so we did have issues, although different. Granted, i see now my part in co-creating, as you call it. Although im starting to think i didnt actually make this worse, or wasnt at fault as such, what i did do was allow it to continue when its out of my control and try and fix things. And i dont think we consciously seek out these relationships, i believe we attract that kind of person by our very nature.

 

As another poster mentioned, if I were you, I would be looking hard in the mirror rather than trying to label her and make sense of her actions. The only one you can understand and control is yourself!!

 

I have looked hard. I did last time and learnt a lot. I dont see how I can better myself from this experience other than understanding the warning signs going forward. And Im not trying to label her. I wanted answers for how this has suddenly happened, answers to the erratic behaviour, etc. Learning about BPD i think has given some of those answers. Theres too many similarities for it to be ignored as an issue. Me looking in on myself and seeing my faults/weaknesses would not have made this relationship any different. All ive learned from this is if i meet another woman that shows any near signs of BPD, i would run a mile.

 

Now I really suggest you read Dr Glover's book. I am quite confident you will glean a lot from it...

 

Just bought it, Ill give it a go. Thanks

[sacg]

Well here goes another day. Not feeling to happy today. kind of a sadness that even if i wanted this, its not to be. Its a hopeless feeling believing your ex has BPD and that nothing would ever be right. Regardless of the love, it would NEVER work. Thats kind of as hard to accept as the relationship ending itself. Confusing.

 

Miss her badly though. I miss our weekends together, waking the dogs, talking, cuddling, chatting. Starting to forget the **** we went through, and only seeing the good.

 

What a ***in robbery to be so in love with someone you can never truly be happy with our have as a partner.

 

To add slight insult to injury. And I didnt invite this info. A friend last night told me that my ex has added a friend of his, not mine, to her Facebook. This guy aparantly after talking to my friend seems to have a lot of similar interests and beliefs as her. I mean whats the chances?? Now i know this shouldnt bother me, but it does. Maybe shes starting to go on the hunt again, already? Just more woe to add.

[aloneinaz]

Well here goes another day. Not feeling to happy today. kind of a sadness that even if i wanted this, its not to be. Its a hopeless feeling believing your ex has BPD and that nothing would ever be right. Regardless of the love, it would NEVER work. Thats kind of as hard to accept as the relationship ending itself. Confusing.

 

Miss her badly though. I miss our weekends together, waking the dogs, talking, cuddling, chatting. Starting to forget the **** we went through, and only seeing the good.

 

What a ***in robbery to be so in love with someone you can never truly be happy with our have as a partner.

 

To add slight insult to injury. And I didnt invite this info. A friend last night told me that my ex has added a friend of his, not mine, to her Facebook. This guy aparantly after talking to my friend seems to have a lot of similar interests and beliefs as her. I mean whats the chances?? Now i know this shouldnt bother me, but it does. Maybe shes starting to go on the hunt again, already? Just more woe to add.

 

 

Seriously, write down a list of all the BS she pulled. Be specific and use bullet points. List everything. I did the first week I was broken up with. Trust me, when I was feeling like you did, reviewing it kept me on track in staying NC and reinforced how important it was to heal from her and move on to a healthy person/relationship.

 

 

The other thing is I realized when I was in your situation that I didn't necessarily miss her, I missed the good parts of being in a relationship. Understand that you're in withdrawal from a bad habit. It's going to suck for a while as you navigate thru it. By week 4 of NC for me, I was feeling so much better and could function 100% again. The only thing that's going to help is to stay NC, out of sight, out of mind and time passing. You MUST educate your mates. Let them know you want to know NOTHING of what she's up to. I hope you have her blocked on everything as well.

[mtnbiker3000]

And i dont think we consciously seek out these relationships, i believe we attract that kind of person by our very nature.

 

Correct. It is absolutely sub-conscious!! You won't attract different types of women (people) until you identify, address and modify some of your own behaviors.

 

I have looked hard. I did last time and learnt a lot. I dont see how I can better myself from this experience other than understanding the warning signs going forward. And Im not trying to label her. I wanted answers for how this has suddenly happened, answers to the erratic behaviour, etc. Learning about BPD i think has given some of those answers. Theres too many similarities for it to be ignored as an issue. Me looking in on myself and seeing my faults/weaknesses would not have made this relationship any different. All ive learned from this is if i meet another woman that shows any near signs of BPD, i would run a mile.

 

No offense intended, but you have a ton to learn and I only hope you will be open to that idea. Thinking you don't and being closed off to new ideas will not help you at all. You will be stuck right where you are now!! Again, IMO, her issues, whatever they may be, have almost zero to do with this situation.

 

Just bought it, Ill give it a go. Thanks

 

That is awesome and, I believe, a step in the right direction. Please be open as you read it. And if you want to discuss any part of it, feel free to PM me. I've been attending a weekly mens group based on this book for well over a year now. It's tough work at times, but it really helps. Not just with this current situation, but with modifying poor patterns and behaviors in general. BTW - I am roughly the same age as you, so I get where you are coming from.

[mtnbiker3000]

I posted this earlier, but I'll say it again as you seem intent on closure / understanding / answers / etc...

 

The only one you can understand and control is yourself!!

 

And I will add, closure comes only from within, as well. You will never get it from another person. Same with happiness!!!

[sacg]

Not a good day. First day back to a new job at work and I couldn't remove her from my mind. ***in hate this. Up and down. Really miss her. And I cant believe it's got this bad so quick. It feels like we never had nothing. Even the bpd ain't helping me run a mile today. I feel numb, dead inside. Hurt, confused to hell and a little angry. It feels weird we are now nothing. Went from a great weekend to dead, nothing in 3 weeks. Her Anger at me bothers me too. Htf can she still be so angry with me when I did nothing. Nasty pow.

 

Anyway. I have to contact her about a jeep I bought and need the money for. I don't really want to as this could go either way and completely drag me back. But it needs addressing asap before she ***s me over and sells it herself. Which she may yet do, which amazes me even more. True colours. Its not just a contact for no reason. I have a possible buyer and wanted to know if she'd agree to it. Like I said, I really don't want to initiate any dialogue atm but feel this needs addressing .

[mightycpa]

Not a good day. First day back to a new job at work and I couldn't remove her from my mind. ***in hate this. Up and down. Really miss her. And I cant believe it's got this bad so quick. It feels like we never had nothing. Even the bpd ain't helping me run a mile today. I feel numb, dead inside. Hurt, confused to hell and a little angry. It feels weird we are now nothing. Went from a great weekend to dead, nothing in 3 weeks. Her Anger at me bothers me too. Htf can she still be so angry with me when I did nothing. Nasty pow.

 

Anyway. I have to contact her about a jeep I bought and need the money for. I don't really want to as this could go either way and completely drag me back. But it needs addressing asap before she ***s me over and sells it herself. Which she may yet do, which amazes me even more. True colours. Its not just a contact for no reason. I have a possible buyer and wanted to know if she'd agree to it. Like I said, I really don't want to initiate any dialogue atm but feel this needs addressing .

The Jeep is titled in whose name? Any liens?

[sacg]

Liens? It's in her name as it's required for insurance. I bought it and have receipts. In the UK having your name on the docs doesn't count as your property. That's not really the issue. This issue is what do I do or am I kidding myself in some way to break nc?

[sacg]

To add. The car was a loan until she sold her other one. I'm not just being padantic.

[mtnbiker3000]

Not to kick you while you're down, but this is why you don't buy something big, or co-sign, for someone else, especially a new romantic partner. Don't you guys watch Judge Judy over there???

[mightycpa]

To add. The car was a loan until she sold her other one. I'm not just being padantic.

I'll take your word for it that it is your car. In the US, we have something called a TITLE, that's how it becomes your car, doesn't matter if you paid for it or not. When we say "it's in her name", over here, it means the TITLE, aka "PROOF OF OWNERSHIP" bears her name.

 

In the UK having your name on the docs doesn't count as your property.

This might come in pretty handy in the event that the property might get you involved in legal jeopardy... :-)

 

What? This car? Oh, no, it's not mine. I just drive it around, I forget who gave it to me. I didn't even know it was missing...

Or what about if you sell a car to someone who you know keeps horrible records... you just wait a year, and then claim the car, right? Keep your receipts from when you purchased it? Wow! That would be quite a scam... you could make tons of money off of ADHD people!

 

Ok, back to your problem.... Why don't you just go over there and get it, and drive it away, and change the paperwork? It's yours, and you can prove it? Then can't you just do whatever you want with it, whenever you want? What's the issue, exactly?

[sacg]

@ mtnbiker. 7Ffs man! I'm starting to see the folly. I'm no mug trust me, but it seemed right at the time. I don't judge people to turn out like this early on. I did what I did for us, to try and make life easier and the life we were planning. WE WERE PLANNING. That's what you do. Trust and all that. It wasn't a lot, buy I can't afford to walk away from it in my current situ. If I could I'd *** it off.

 

Sometimes man you come across a little direct and condescending. Glad you've got ya **** together by being slightly sarcastic and detached? Been involved in this situation yourself, with this kinda person? You dealt with it all logically, right?

 

Only trying to find a way through this.

Edited August 3, 2015 by sacg