jay1983 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) I've never had someone who didn't find me attractive give me a chance, it's always been instant. It's 5 seconds and they decide whether to talk to me or not. I have however had plenty who found me attractive, fade away or flake out before we go on our first date. Edited July 25, 2015 by jay1983 1
joseb Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 What I should do. I can type more later when I'm not on my phone. Hate these little screens. Are you currently seeing a guy that you are not physically attracted to and wondering if it will change? Your post read more like a generic question initially...
Author Popsicle Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Are you currently seeing a guy that you are not physically attracted to and wondering if it will change? Your post read more like a generic question initially... Yeah I was talking to a guy I didn't initially feel attracted to, but I met anither one who I do feel attracted to and we're going out tomorrow.
jay1983 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Yeah I was talking to a guy I didn't initially feel attracted to, but I met anither one who I do feel attracted to and we're going out tomorrow. That's good that you found another prospect. Just curious, how far off is the attraction to guy 1?
Author Popsicle Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 That's good that you found another prospect. Just curious, how far off is the attraction to guy 1? Hmm, I don't know how to quantify it, but with the new guy, it was instantaneous. The other guy asked me out yesterday but I stalled because I wasn't sure if I should.
jay1983 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Hmm, I don't know how to quantify it, but with the new guy, it was instantaneous. The other guy asked me out yesterday but I stalled because I wasn't sure if I should. I meant how attractive do you find him, looks wise. Completely outta your comfort zone or is he okay? I think you should go out with the new guy.
Author Popsicle Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 I meant how attractive do you find him, looks wise. Completely outta your comfort zone or is he okay? I think you should go out with the new guy. Which one are you asking about?
dreamingoftigers Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 This is so interesting. I just found out that I am a total outlier. I don't really notice guys all that much as being "attractive" or not. Like, if someone asked me if a guy was handsome or not I could, in theory, "rate" him. But overall. I just float through life having interactions with people and they seem kind of all bland or distant to me. Then, every now and then, if I feel available, a guy will come along and his personality shines to me, then I notice his features as favorable. But it doesn't work the other way around for me. I don't go, omigosh, he has "abs" or "Curly hair" or whatever.....and then swoon. In fact, the last two men I was in serious relationships with (my husband and the ex before him) I was NOT attracted to at all. In fact, I wrote about my husband physically negatively in my journal right around the time we met because he was, *ahem* a little pushy about dating me and I found him off-putting. It wasn't until his sense of humor came out that I noticed I liked his eyes and hair LOL. At least a week there. The ex before him I just thought of as this "lanky guy." Definitely not conventionally attractive. But at the time, after he showed some kindness (later discovered to be cowardice and passivity in which he was not honest with me) he became favorable too. I really thought most women were kind of like this. I am surprised to learn how many women are visually driven. Fascinating to say the least. I suspect it is genetic as my mother describes my father as being somewhat unattractive to her when they met, but his persistence won her over then one day she looked into his green eyes and that was it. 1
jay1983 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Which one are you asking about? The one this thread's about.
IronZ Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 There are many kinds of "attraction." Intelligence is very sexy to some people. Success, power, confidence, looks, being funny, personality, etc. Depends on the person. I wish more women would stop looking for male supermodels all the time. This kind of attraction is just lust and if your only attraction to someone is based on appearance, I'm afraid the relationship is doomed from the start. 2
candie13 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 there's many levels of attraction and that's what's making it hard, IMO. There's the sort of attraction that grows on you, over time, when you meet an nice person. There's the sort of attraction that you stumble upon, when it hits you in the head, over a guy who didn't necessarily catch you eye at the beginning. And that sort of attraction where you know from the very beginning that... this is not gonna end well ! The first sort is cool and it may keep RS together because people may have higher degrees of compatibility at other levels. The second and the third ones are the big winners at this chapter. Unfortunately, while the first sort of attraction can grow over time, it can never really reach the level or intensity of any of the other 2 types. If there is no attraction towards a bloke, you might as well forget about it, it'll never happen, I am afraid. I wouldn't even try. It is what it is. Life's not fair. In the end, by interacting with men, you will understand very clearly where exactly do you sit. Best way is to experiment and try. 2
Author Popsicle Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 The one this thread's about. Oh, yeah, he's just okay looks wise but he was really sweet in how he pursed me. I liked that.
candie13 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 meet him up. you will know if it's an yes or a no. people are surprising. 2
PJKino Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 This is so interesting. I just found out that I am a total outlier. I don't really notice guys all that much as being "attractive" or not. Like, if someone asked me if a guy was handsome or not I could, in theory, "rate" him. But overall. I just float through life having interactions with people and they seem kind of all bland or distant to me. Then, every now and then, if I feel available, a guy will come along and his personality shines to me, then I notice his features as favorable. But it doesn't work the other way around for me. I don't go, omigosh, he has "abs" or "Curly hair" or whatever.....and then swoon. In fact, the last two men I was in serious relationships with (my husband and the ex before him) I was NOT attracted to at all. In fact, I wrote about my husband physically negatively in my journal right around the time we met because he was, *ahem* a little pushy about dating me and I found him off-putting. It wasn't until his sense of humor came out that I noticed I liked his eyes and hair LOL. At least a week there. The ex before him I just thought of as this "lanky guy." Definitely not conventionally attractive. But at the time, after he showed some kindness (later discovered to be cowardice and passivity in which he was not honest with me) he became favorable too. I really thought most women were kind of like this. I am surprised to learn how many women are visually driven. Fascinating to say the least. I suspect it is genetic as my mother describes my father as being somewhat unattractive to her when they met, but his persistence won her over then one day she looked into his green eyes and that was it. I never bought into women being less visual and less looks oriented them men..I think women as a whole are just less demonstrative about their physical preferences then men.. Most couple are pretty evenly matched physically so that should tell you women are just as visual and into looks.. I mean look at how many women refuse to date short guys..that's clearly looks based at least partly.. Throughout my life the men who got the most female attention were also the best looking..I never saw the homely men who had beautiful women all the time eating out of the palm of their hands like women on these type of forums claim.. 1
newmoon Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 there needs to be a very basic, even only a vague attraction upon meeting. from there it can grow to a solid attraction. but if there's NONE at all, I'm not sure if that can grow. i think this captures it completely. something, even the smallest sexual spark has to be there or it can't get farther. we've all been there i'm sure - wasting time on someone with great potential and hoping it'll grow because they are just so darn nice to us and treat us so well. but they're ugly, and you just can't force your body or mind into a relationship because a person is compelling in every other way but attractiveness.
Author Popsicle Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Holy crap, I screwed up. I just called the new guy by the old guys name. *sigh* I fail at dating. 2
IronZ Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 What was the old guy's name? Tell the new guy he reminds you of an actor with that name or something stupid along those lines. Might work... probably won't though. I would definitely notice something like that. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Holy crap, I screwed up. I just called the new guy by the old guys name. *sigh* I fail at dating. Don't worry. Just learn to brush it off as you being a bit dizzy! I have an old brain injury and am ALWAYS mixing names up! I saw an old friend in Sainsburys the other day and called him the wrong name Him "My name is Paul" Me "What did I just call you then?" Him "Ian, and you and I both know he is a tosser" Me " Oh **** sorry I thought I had called you Paul!!! Just me being a doufus again, so how is your back these days" Just accept it and move on. No other way to deal with it. People don't mind if its a genuine mistake. As for attraction its so difficult as it has so many layers and little things that come into play. There is never an answer... 1
candie13 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Holy crap, I screwed up. I just called the new guy by the old guys name. *sigh* I fail at dating. hahaha, Pops, don't worry, you have great company there, I have spectacularly failed after three nice dates... we live and we learn. Maybe it's too soon for you. It sure is for me 2
Toodaloo Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 hahaha, Pops, don't worry, you have great company there, I have spectacularly failed after three nice dates... we live and we learn. Maybe it's too soon for you. It sure is for me At least your dog didn't proudly dump a rabbit she had just killed (still in the throws of death and twitching) at your dates feet... Yeah some of my disaster dates have been because of me...!
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