katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Well as I said before, when you're connecting with someone and there is chemistry with personality, you do feel an intense sexual attraction. ** That's why my base sexual attraction for a woman isn't really tied into her looks at all.*** Don't get me wrong. When a woman has a great body, I definitely take notice. But I don't instantly want to sleep with her because of it. She actually has to push all the right buttons. But a woman either has a face I want to kiss or she doesn't. LOL Quote in asterisk (well entire post actually), thanks for clarifying. I did not get that the first time.
katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I think feeling attraction and having sparks fly on the first date is what we'd all like to have happen. I don't consider first date attraction to be attraction "growing with time." I know a couple attractive guys who are great people, yet there's just nothing there, at all. The thought of them even touching me repulses me. I'd love for the attraction to have grown as our friendship grew, especially once they expressed interest in me... But it's just not there and I fear it never will be. Well yeah that's what I was saying and how I feel as well. Obviously I did not articulate that the way I intended, but yeah I 100% agree. If I am not feeling it on date one, I never will. 1
Gaeta Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 But physical attraction is a separate entity. No amount of connection is going to change someone's appearance. You either like the way they look or you don't. So I'm sorry, but I think it's BS when people say that it can grow over time. Depends how long you mean by <time>. I have been on dates where each additional time I saw the man I found him more and more attractive. Can attraction grow over a short period of time I think so, over weeks and months? No, I don't think so. 1
RoseVille Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I once (and still) find myself unattracted to a guy simply because he insists on wearing tall, thick, white scrunched down socks work tennis shoes to a bar. That, and his man-boobs. NICEST GUY ever, really. Treats women like queens. Adores me. But I just can't. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) Quote in asterisk (well entire post actually), thanks for clarifying. I did not get that the first time. I was surprised you didn't with how much I stressed about emotional attraction, personality, and sexual attraction being tied into that..LOL However, I still stand by my original statement. All the chemistry and emotional connection in the world, won't change the way someone's face looks..LOL I once (and still) find myself unattracted to a guy simply because he insists on wearing tall, thick, white scrunched down socks work tennis shoes to a bar. That, and his man-boobs. NICEST GUY ever, really. Treats women like queens. Adores me. But I just can't. Haha.. If he was handsome and really fit, I doubt white socks and tennis shoes would turn you off. As you say, it's his man boobs. Also, let's be honest. He's too nice. Instead of matching your attraction/interest level and not giving away his adoration, he adores you even though you feel nothing for him. This makes him kind of a wuss IMO. If he got into shape, grew some balls, and didn't act like an eager puppy dog chasing you around for scraps of attention, you might feel differently towards him. But he lacks emotional control and is too desperate. Edited July 24, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Mrin Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 As a guy I can say that attraction for me can shift over time. First date hotties can turn into third date meh and vice versa. Two cases in point. I dated a woman for maybe 6 dates. She was a competitive figure model. She dressed amazing. I watched waiters walk into walls. At first I was attracted but by the third or fourth date I realized I had no desire to jump across the table. Her personality was bland and we really hadn't had that much physical interaction. By the last date I could have been out with my mother for Pete's sake. No attraction at all yet she was physically stunning. With my GF I had little attraction to on our first date. Don't get me wrong, she is gorgeous. I think I was more attracted to her personality. But no real chemistry. Second date it started to grow. By the end of the second date we kissed and holycrap everything changed. After that I can honestly say I have never been this attracted to anyone in my entire life. Not even close. For me it was the physical interaction that changed everything. 8
katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I was surprised you didn't with how much I stressed about emotional attraction, personality, and sexual attraction being tied into that..LOL . Yeah I know. I am just not myself today I guess....
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 This is what people say but I've never experienced it but I am finding that, at my age, all the men I feel physically attracted to, don't seem interested in me or are already taken. I attracted a boat load of men I am not physically attracted to though but they are nice/have great personalities and are interested in me. I know many people say you should give it time with this type of man. Even my own mother says this. Like I said though, I've never experienced this before, so i don't know what to do or what to expect. And what about how guys dont want to wait very long to have sex? We'd definitely be waiting if we're waiting for my attraction to grow over time. How does this work? Should I even do this? I think most sober women do not want to just have sex for sex's sake, so the thought of having sex with someone she is not attracted to, at least in some way or on some level, is highly repugnant and unacceptable to most women. So I see your problem, by the time any sexual attraction may have developed on your part, he will have got tired of waiting for sex. It is not something you can discuss either "BTW I am not sexually attracted to you, but I might be in a month or two, care to wait?" 2
kendahke Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I once (and still) find myself unattracted to a guy simply because he insists on wearing tall, thick, white scrunched down socks work tennis shoes to a bar. That, and his man-boobs. NICEST GUY ever, really. Treats women like queens. Adores me. But I just can't. Girl!!!!! I got a glimpse of man boob with the last guy I had a first meeting with and it took everything in me to keep from screaming and running out of the bar. 1
RoseVille Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Girl!!!!! I got a glimpse of man boob with the last guy I had a first meeting with and it took everything in me to keep from screaming and running out of the bar. They're just the worst.
Eighty_nine Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 there needs to be a very basic, even only a vague attraction upon meeting. from there it can grow to a solid attraction. but if there's NONE at all, I'm not sure if that can grow. 2
Eighty_nine Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 There's nothing wrong in wanting to be attracted to the person you're with. I think one big issue is that society tells us what is attractive. totally agree. everyone deserves to be attracted to their partner. but on this board i see A LOT people talking about their partner not being attractive enough based on societal expectations, not their own. and i don't even think they realize that. 2
ltjg45 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 For me, if the physical attraction is not there for me, the rest doesn't even matter. Even if I did get into a relationship with a woman I have no physical attraction to, it would be a sexless relationship because I would be glad not to sleep with her. And that makes no sense. So I just leave her alone and move on. I did have a small amount of attraction for this one woman I asked out twice and got rejected but after that 2nd rejection, I literally felt nothing for her afterwards. It worries me as to how I had any attraction to her to begin with if I was able to kill it off in record time. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Reading through all of this it is clearly so very different for everyone. I dunno. Sometimes I meet a guy and think WOW but get to know him and think urgh... Other times its Oh OK I guess when I meet them only to be blown away as I get to know them. Its why I think I look but don't touch until I know them. Mirn is right though. That first physical touch can say so much. The first kiss can be a clincher. 1
Author Popsicle Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 I think most sober women do not want to just have sex for sex's sake, so the thought of having sex with someone she is not attracted to, at least in some way or on some level, is highly repugnant and unacceptable to most women. So I see your problem, by the time any sexual attraction may have developed on your part, he will have got tired of waiting for sex. It is not something you can discuss either "BTW I am not sexually attracted to you, but I might be in a month or two, care to wait?" Thank you Elaine for understanding. I do feel this way but I also feel like I'm missing out something I just don't know about...
Author Popsicle Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 Reading through all of this it is clearly so very different for everyone. I dunno. Sometimes I meet a guy and think WOW but get to know him and think urgh... Other times its Oh OK I guess when I meet them only to be blown away as I get to know them. Its why I think I look but don't touch until I know them. Mirn is right though. That first physical touch can say so much. The first kiss can be a clincher. Yeah I'm even more confused now.
Author Popsicle Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 Can you clarify what is confusing you? What I should do. I can type more later when I'm not on my phone. Hate these little screens.
Toodaloo Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 That there is no clear answer or definition to the question perhaps? Pops there is never going to be an answer to all of this I am afraid so its probably best to just "wing" it and see where life leads. No point worrying over things that you can't change or understand. But if you can learn to understand how it is for that one special person well that is what matters. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 What I should do. Put your best foot forward and not worry about it. That is what you should do. You can't control the behavior of others nor can you guess or predict how a stranger is going to behave. Concentrate on you and behave in a way you see fitting and dang the rest. 1
xxoo Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 What I should do. I can type more later when I'm not on my phone. Hate these little screens. Can you get to know people outside of the dating framework? Expand your social circle, maybe. Volunteer, join a fitness club, start a singles meet up, etc. Then be friendly and charming to all and see what blossoms and what doesn't. 4
sunshine2 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I posted this on another thread where a man says he is dating a "ugly woman" LOL My last LTR was with a man who was not attractive to me at first, but he did grow on me and I did fall in love with him eventually. He won me over with his kindness, the way he made me laugh and he was such a gentleman. SO, I think it is possible because I have had it happen to me. This also taught me to give someone more then one date to be sure that there isn't more chemistry. When I met my current BF the first feeling was, he would be a good friend, nothing more. But that feeling changed after the 3rd date. I am very attracted to him now, so I am glad I gave him more then one date.
Yamaha Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I don't know. If chemistry is based on that emotional and physical feeling then why are most couples equal in attraction? If attraction is something you can't control then you should see more people with varying levels of attraction dating and marrying. Leagues shouldn't exist if attraction is an uncontrollable dynamic. Obviously there is more going on here.
regine_phalange Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Not exactly. I haven't witnessed physical attraction growing every day. But a strange thing that happened to me once was that I dreamt of someone and the next day I had feelings for him. Like a switch went on. Or maybe the switch was on but I didn't see it? 1
Haerts Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Well, if you think the guy is already fairly attractive, then I believe it can grow even more eventually. That happened with me and my ex. When I met him, I didn't find him very attractive, although he was a lil cute. 2 weeks getting to know him and I was already thinking he's the most handsome guy in the world - that went way too fast, but yeah. It's clear to me though that if you meet someone that is not that attractive and they show you very kind and special signs, you'll start seeing them as someone beautiful on the outside too. Has happened to me many times! Not in the love area though.
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