Kylemopar Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) I've been really depressed this past month. I broke up with my gf two days ago. We've only been dating for a couple months but within those months we became so close and intimate. I trusted her with my secrets and she trusted me with hers. I was sure she was the one I was gonna marry and spend my life with. I was the sweetest and most caring person I can be. But she says that I became overwhelming, and that all the things that she was thought were cute became annoying. I did nothing to bring her harm, her happiness was the only thing important to me. Her feelings were more important than mine. When we broke up I said things that immediately regretted saying. Like her being 26 but can't get her **** together and that me being 21 already more successful than her. She said that there is nothing I can do that will ever change her mind about speaking to me ever again, and that she never wants to see me again. I apologized to her via email but no response. She works next to me and parks pretty close. So I took a quick peek in her car to find that the a bear I gave her when we first started dating was gone. She always kept it there, sometimes he would be dirty with what looked like makeup. Many people would tell me to move on. But I can't just move on from a girl as sweet and kind as she is, with the cutest face ever, and the most bangin body I've seen. I wanted marry her and give her all my love. She kept sharing vines on FB of a dorky family making funny videos together, and I wanted nothing more than to give her that. I get sad when I get home because I live on my own. I have tons of friends and everyone says I'm the most happiest person ever. But I'm actually very depressed and lonely. Email is the only contact I have with her since I took her off everything else. I never meant to annoy her, I didn't want her to text me 24/7, I just wanted a few good mornings/goodnights and to keep me updated on how she was, but stopped texting me for a month. I asked her to block me from IG and Facebook but she hasn't blocked me yet, just Unfriended. I plan on not having any contact with her hoping that maybe one day she'll come back to me realizing her mistake that her happiness and love is all I wanted from her. But it doesn't change the fact that this depression is taking a huge toll on me at work, school, and social life. She looks like she couldn't care less. She says that I'm acting obsessed and in a way I'm starting to think that I am too. I would do anything to get back with her and do things the right way, I wouldn't smother her, wouldn't drown her with text, and tone down my affection just for the chance to win her back. I have never ever done anything to hurt her until we broke up. I once thought that all girls wanted a Disney prince and princess relationship and I tried my best to give her that, I pines every door for her, pulled her chair out when she sat in the table, never made her jealous, always listened to her stories, and bought her food whenever she was sad, I'm good looking, I have a nice car, and I make way more than she does, but I was always a perfect gentlemen, I was chivalrous. But it seems like that's not what girls want. Will she ever come back? Or is there something wrong with me? It's hard for me to meet girls because everyone I go out with my friends I'm never put in a situation where I have a chance to meet a girl...just more guys, either that or they already have a bf. I just need help dealing with this depression, don't worry killing myself is definitely not an option. I'm 21 with my whole life ahead of me but that only brightens up my day for a few minutes because my brain starts imagining how things could have been if I still had my princess with me. Edited August 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs, threads merged and title updated.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 In 20 years you might not even remember her name. You can't control everyone & everything, only yourself. I'd spend some energy & time to become happy and nondepressed, before looking for someone else. 2
Gus Grimly Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I agree, you became obsessed with this woman and you pushed her away by your insecurity and neediness. I've seen this before. I mean, you went out for 2 months and you're acting like it's the end of the world. You are never going to get her back. Most women of sound mind will get completely turned off when a guy becomes obsessed or super clingy over them. It's in your best interest to forget her and move on with your life. Sorry. 3
JollyDays Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Man, you're only 21...she's only 26...she broke up with you...told you that you were an inconsiderate jackass...wants nothing to do with you...has taken down your teddy bear...refuses any kind of contact...and she's your "princess"? Face it, the "princess" has left your castle for a new king and kingdom. Get your head cleared out of this FLING, because it's doing you no good. Then you can eventually sing... I HAD TO LEAVE THAT BITCH ALONE TO GET MY MIND RIGHT! LEAVE THAT BITCH ALONG TO GET MY MIND RIGHT! I HAD TO COME UP ON A CHECK TO GET MY MIND RIGHT! Sorry, had to quote a contemporary rap tune for this situation. Edited August 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Jemay Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Heart breaks are tough and it's going to get a while to get over it, but don't worry, you'll heal from this We've all been there, it's just part of life, you'll get your heart broken many more times, and you'll break some hearts, too, and along the journey you learn lots about yourself and others, and it's just how things go. Take it easy on yourself for now, don't beat yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong, sure you probably smothered her, and girls don't like that. So just take it as a learning lesson, and next time you may try to be a bit more chill. Always treat a woman well, but there's a difference between treating a woman well, and suffocating her with love. Your heart will heal, I promise, and you'll fall in love lots more times still, hang in there Edited July 23, 2015 by Jemay 2
JollyDays Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Heart breaks are tough and it's going to get a while to get over it, but don't worry, you'll heal from this We've all been there, it's just part of life, you'll get your heart broken many more times, and you'll break some hearts, too, and along the journey you learn lots about yourself and others, and it's just how things go. Take it easy on yourself for now, don't beat yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong, sure you probably smothered her, and girls don't like that. So just take it as a learning lesson, and next time you may try to be a bit more chill. Always treat a woman well, but there's a difference between treating a woman well, and suffocating her with love. Your heart will heal, I promise, and you'll fall in love lots more times still, hang in there I gave your post a thumbs up, but I will also say that I feel as if women can be so contradictory. If you give them little attention, they complain that you're ignoring them, and by extension, the relationship; but if you keep in touch with them on a daily basis (calls/texts/emails...does anyone do that any longer? LOL), then you're told that you're "clingy", "desperate", smothering, et. Al. I think that what he may have wanted was some consistency in his life, and it got thrown back in his face. Oh well. As you told him, time to flip the page. WHOA HERE SHE COMES, (WATCH OUT) WATCH OUT BOY, SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP. WHOA HERE SHE COMES, (HERE SHE COMES) SHE'S A MANEATER! PS---I just found out that this song wasn't about a woman, but NYC in the early 1980s. Hall& Oates wrote it in a "universalist" fashion so that it could apply to damn near anyone and anything. WOW!! LOL
mightycpa Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I gave your post a thumbs up, but I will also say that I feel as if women can be so contradictory. If you give them little attention, they complain that you're ignoring them, and by extension, the relationship; but if you keep in touch with them on a daily basis (calls/texts/emails...does anyone do that any longer? LOL), then you're told that you're "clingy", "desperate", smothering, et. Al. I think that what he may have wanted was some consistency in his life, and it got thrown back in his face. Oh well. As you told him, time to flip the page. WHOA HERE SHE COMES, (WATCH OUT) WATCH OUT BOY, SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP. WHOA HERE SHE COMES, (HERE SHE COMES) SHE'S A MANEATER! PS---I just found out that this song wasn't about a woman, but NYC in the early 1980s. Hall& Oates wrote it in a "universalist" fashion so that it could apply to damn near anyone and anything. WOW!! LOL Nobody likes too much predictability. You need to mix it up, keep things a little off balance, make 'em feel good, make 'em feel insecure, then validate then withdraw. There should be an app for that. I think I could write one. What shall I name it?
JollyDays Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) Nobody likes too much predictability. You need to mix it up, keep things a little off balance, make 'em feel good, make 'em feel insecure, then validate then withdraw. There should be an app for that. I think I could write one. What shall I name it? Hmm...like a soap opera? Perhaps it's Days of Our Lives. Or is it Love Is A Many Splendored Thing? Perhaps, in this case, it is Dark Shadows. LOL I'm just messing around with you Kyle. I was in your situation about 15 years ago. I was roughly your age (23-24) and I met a lady online---it was in late 1998. The conversations were excellent and emotionally fulfilling. We shared our hopes and dreams. After TWO YEARS, she finally convinced me to leave my Midwest burg to meet her in Cali (that should've been a clue that the "relationship" wasn't going anywhere). Everything went right during the week-long stay (wink wink), and then, she flipped on me just weeks later and told me that she called a co-worker ("twice"), but they were "just friends". Then the real lady (bitch?) came out of her. Kind of like your ex, but dramatically colder and meaner. She "broke up" our LDR in roughly 2 months time. I was devastated like you: feeling so depressed, used, doubting myself, and trying to concoct ways to get back with her. Meanwhile, the so-called "friend" that she was chatting with at work ending up ****ing her within a month after our LDR "break-up" (and she called me from his home a few times, but what the heck, ehh?). But if I'm honest with myself, she was ****ing him (and probably others) long before I ever considered meeting her. It took me 4 years to get over all of the psychological ****. Four years of her occasional breadcrumbs, and her coldness (and occasional curse words) whenever I broached the subject of the dissolution of our relationship/friendship, but I finally left that bitch alone and got my mind right! I had to sing it again! LOL So the larger point is that I, and others on Loveshack (and offline) can relate to you. We know the pain of having the kiss of the beloved taken from us (in my case, Kiss of the Tramp), and mentally having our "curtains" closed, refusing to allow the light of someone's joy, kindness, and love shine into our hearts and souls. But you have to open those curtains man. You have your whole life ahead of you. She's out there waiting for you dude. Edited July 24, 2015 by JollyDays
Jemay Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I gave your post a thumbs up, but I will also say that I feel as if women can be so contradictory. If you give them little attention, they complain that you're ignoring them, and by extension, the relationship; but if you keep in touch with them on a daily basis (calls/texts/emails...does anyone do that any longer? LOL), then you're told that you're "clingy", "desperate", smothering, et. Al. I think that what he may have wanted was some consistency in his life, and it got thrown back in his face. Oh well. As you told him, time to flip the page. WHOA HERE SHE COMES, (WATCH OUT) WATCH OUT BOY, SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP. WHOA HERE SHE COMES, (HERE SHE COMES) SHE'S A MANEATER! PS---I just found out that this song wasn't about a woman, but NYC in the early 1980s. Hall& Oates wrote it in a "universalist" fashion so that it could apply to damn near anyone and anything. WOW!! LOL Dating is no doubt confusing, and I think it also depends on your partner, too. What's overwhelming and suffocating for one, may not be enough attention for another. That's where experience comes in handy.... the op is pretty young still and lets face it, women can be complicated creatures I blame it on the hormones haha But I think it's fair to say that playing a little bit hard to get has never ruined a good thing. I'm not talking about playing head games but just not throwing everything on the table right from the get go. Dating should be fun, trying too hard to be the perfect boyfriend doesn't sound fun to me..... 1
RoseVille Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Repeat 4x: I know that I can find somebody You won't ever find nobody else like me 1
RoseVille Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 You posted this same thread yesterday: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/539515-im-very-depressed-someone-me
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 She's not coming back. It was unrealistic of you to think a woman you have only known for a few month was The One. You were living a lovely romantic fantasy that had little grounding in reality. At 21 if you do have your S**t together as you say, you will have other opportunities to fall in love. I suggest a bit more caution & circumspection. Not every romantic relationship leads to marriage. It's a trial & error process. It's summer. Focus on fun things to do with friends. Do take some to mourn the loss of this relationship but I'm talking a weekend. Meanwhile make some changes. Cut your hair. Buy some new clothes. Rearrange the furniture in your living space. Take up a new hobby. Just keep yourself busy & active. Put yourself in a position to meet new people.
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