contel3 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 It's so frustrating. It's been almost 4 months since my ex left me for someone else and I'm still not over it. I still hate him and wish he would feel just as bad as I did. Even better: worse. I always hope he treats his gf the same way he did me. I don't even feel guilty for wishing her that. I feel so inadequate for still dwelling on him and not having moved on. Its like I feel I NEED to be in a relationship again to prove to myself and others that I'm over him- but I perfectly know I'm not ready for that and won't be for a while. I just have too many trust issues! I wish I could be indiferent already. I feel pathetic for having to work on myself so much. I took a LOT of time to just reflect on myself and healing. How do I let go? I want to be over it so bad. There's days where I'm perfectly fine, but then all those insecurities creep up again and I just feel so bad about myself. It's in those moments I hate him most. This hate keeps me connected to him and it drives me crazy- he doesn't deserve a single second of my thoughts! I'd rather think about a trash bin than him. 1
StalwartMind Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 It can take a long time to fully process all of it as well as letting it go completely. I know letting out anger and frustration is important to most of us, but holding on to those feelings for too long will do you no good. To me when someone treats another person poorly, sure it can upset me some, but most of all I just feel disappointment. The one advantage you already has, is that you know you aren't ready for a new relationship yet. This is of benefit to both you any any person you may meet in future who will interest you. There is no rush and our emotions shouldn't be forced or pushed, they need to run their course so we can regain composure. Trusting others is a gamble period, there are no guarantees in life that what anyone will tell you is true. I encourage all of us to be skeptical. No one should get a free pass, even if they initially in a friend-/relationship push all the right buttons and say all the right things. Trust, respect, loyalty, honesty is earned over time and this is typically done by showing consistency between what one says and does. I know the kind of person I am, I'm sure you feel very certain about who you are too and how you wish to be treated. Even so we still need to show this to someone else we like and eventually may love, and no one should just blindly believe any of us. That said, we also shouldn't hold ourselves back, but being cautious and protecting our interest is a sensible way to approach things. There are many ways to fully get over someone, a not unlikely scenario is actually meeting someone who will listen to you and understand you too. Life is too short to spend it being negative or full of hate, all that time could be spend on enjoying yourself or even someone else eventually. Do also know that it's alright to go through a long period where you simply have no real interests, it's a part of the healing process too. You don't need to prove anything to any of us on this planet, only to yourself. Everyone who deserves a place in your life, will naturally see all the qualities you possess and like you for that. I get what you said about hoping he treat his new gf as poorly as he did you, but truthfully even those thoughts will once be completely replaced by something else, hopefully those of joy instead, like aiming your focus purely on someone once again who will treat you much better than what this guy did.
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