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Should You Tell Her You Like Her? Or Should You Just Show Interest Through Action?

highseas

By highseas
in General Relationship Discussion

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highseas Established Member

highseas

Posted
Posted

Do women in their 20s and 30s (if age matters) prefer:

 

(1) someone who doesn't beat around the bush and expresses his romantic interest in her (after a reasonable amount of time before dating; or after a few dates, for example)? (Most likely, he will take some action too, but he verbalizes his interest).

 

(2) someone who does a lot of things that would seem to indicate his interest (e.g. texting her regularly; asking her out; bringing her gifts) without actually outright telling her he likes her?

 

Which one is more effective in making a woman respond positively? I would like both women and men's perspectives (women: which one works best for you in your experience. Men: when you did one or the other, what resulted?)

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted

I'm all about verbal and taking action.

 

1) I'm very direct. She knows where I stand and what I want from the get go. Confidence and communication are both vital.

 

** But I never tell a woman that "I like her". This is shown through action. I feel that when a guy says 'I like you' he is doing so to try and feel out how she feels about him. It's approval seeking and weak behavior IMO. Also, use compliments sparingly. If a woman sends you a sexy pic, puts effort into her appearance, or you're in the bedroom, compliments are great. But if you're always doing it, you turn into an ass kisser.

 

2) There's no game playing on my part. I'm very consistent with my actions by planning regular dates and staying in her orbit.

 

**But it's better to make her want you based on who you are, not what you can give her. When you're constantly buying a woman gifts and planning over the top dates, you're trying too hard and acting like you want to buy her affection IMO. It's better to save that stuff for special occasions so it means more.

  • Like 2
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
I'm all about verbal and taking action.

 

1) I'm very direct. She knows where I stand and what I want from the get go. Confidence and communication are both vital.

 

** But I never tell a woman that "I like her". This is shown through action. I feel that when a guy says 'I like you' he is doing so to try and feel out how she feels about him. It's approval seeking and weak behavior IMO. Also, use compliments sparingly. If a woman sends you a sexy pic, puts effort into her appearance, or you're in the bedroom, compliments are great. But if you're always doing it, you turn into an ass kisser.

 

2) There's no game playing on my part. I'm very consistent with my actions by planning regular dates and staying in her orbit.

 

**But it's better to make her want you based on who you are, not what you can give her. When you're constantly buying a woman gifts and planning over the top dates, you're trying too hard and acting like you want to buy her affection IMO. It's better to save that stuff for special occasions so it means more.

 

 

Hey ff, I like your style but I gotta question.

 

 

You say you are all about both verbal and taking action.

 

 

So if you don't believe in verbalizing your feelings (as in telling her you like her), what exactly DO you say to convey that you like her (verbally)?

 

 

I know you show her how you feel via your actions and that is awesome!

 

 

But since you did say you were all about the verbal too, how so? What do you verbally say to her to convey your feelings?

 

 

Just curious.....

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Different women want different things. If you are already dating try a combo of words & actions.

 

if you have not been on a date do NOT announce that you like her or assume that your actions alone are going to make her realize you want to ask her out.

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted
So if you don't believe in verbalizing your feelings (as in telling her you like her), what exactly DO you say to convey that you like her (verbally)?.

 

In different ways. If she does something for me, I let her know how much I appreciate it. Or if various aspects of her personality make an impression, I'll compliment her on it. Take yesterday for example. I don't think my GF knows how impressed I was during our workout together. So I plan on telling her what an amazing job she did and how proud I was. In general, I like to be vocal w-emotions and communicate openly. I've just never been a fan of the term "I like you".

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
In different ways. If she does something for me, I let her know how much I appreciate it. Or if various aspects of her personality make an impression, I'll compliment her on it. Take yesterday for example. I don't think my GF knows how impressed I was during our workout together. So I plan on telling her what an amazing job she did and how proud I was. In general, I like to be vocal w-emotions and communicate openly. I've just never been a fan of the term "I like you".

 

 

Yeah I agree...it sounds so "high-schoolish."

 

 

"Hi Katie, I really like you. If you like me, wanna go steady"? lol

 

 

My boyfriend flat out told me he was interested in me and getting to know me, and wanted to date me. That was our first date after meeting and spending the night together. ;) ;)

 

 

I have mentioned this before, but he also asked me that night if I date "one at a time," or "multi-date."

 

 

To which I responded "one at a time."

 

 

He said so did he (at least with me...hehe).

 

 

I kinda liked that. Being so direct like that....

 

 

I have had men compliment me up the wazoo (on date one)...never did anything for me really, other than think they are player-types who probably tell all the women that....just to get her into bed.

Edited by katiegrl
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted

I think saying "I dig you" is very charming. :)

mrldii Established Member

mrldii

Posted
Posted

Every woman (person) is different in what they prefer/are most comfortable receiving. For me, personally, it is not a choice between the two: the words and actions must coincide and jive.

 

While this is not true of all women, nor particular to any specific-aged women, studies have shown that for people who've suffered PTSD/childhood abuse, the adage "Mean what you say/say what you mean" can have a particular resonance with them, regardless of how well they've recovered from their past experiences. For these types, hearing the words AND seeing the actions which are in concert with one another become paramount; even minor inconsistencies (to others' perceptions) in matching behavior to words (and vice-versa) can be triggering events which create feelings of instability within their relationships.

 

Probably best to ask the object of your affection how she best understands she's on the receiving end of love, if you'd like her to feel loved by you.

 

 

Good luck to you, OP...

  • Like 1
casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

Posted
Posted

I like someone who shows interest and later verbalizes feelings. If you start with the verbalization, the expectations are too high, i find.

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

Gushing too much from the start would be worrying as no-one falls in love that quickly. Guys are full of 'sweet nothings' at first and it doesn't mean a thing. On the other hand, saying nothing would leave me wondering whether he really liked me or was just passing time with me.

 

Showing me he liked me helps too, otherwise it is all 'sweet nothings' and when it comes down to it, 'actions speak louder than words'. A guy who talks about taking me out for a meal or helping with the decorating then does nothing about it, is soon going to seem like he's all talk.

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted

For me a combo of verbal and action...which has to "jive"

 

I mean, in my most recent situation, I see things that appear to be signs of things a guy normally does if he likes you (ie mirroring), but when he's told you he's not interested in pursuing anything with you, doesn't match up and has me confused and frustrated...So yeah, when it doesn't jive, I just gotta assume he doesn't like me :( or likes me in a certain way, but not the way I like him :confused:

 

And yea, doesn't mean you blurt out "I like you"...timing and manner you say it is important :)

  • Like 1
IronZ Established Member

IronZ

Posted
Posted

Would say it depends on this one. I would like to hear some more opinions on it as it would help me in my current situation, but honestly I would say you need to feel out the situation and what the girl is like, how you two know each other, how long you've known each other, the way you talk to each other, etc.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with saying "I like you" if you have the type of friendship with a girl and it's always just been a friendship. It's direct and at the same time it's sincere and innocent. It's showing her how you feel without pushing too hard and getting all lovey dovey on her.

  • Like 1
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

words are pretty things and easily said...actions are harder to sustain and be consistent in.....in my opinion actions hold court over words.....deb

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted

Ok, I got it...

 

I think I'm gonna do in like high school and slip him a note and when he opens it it's gonna say "Do you like me?" and it's gonna have two boxes - where he has to choose one box. One box will say "yes" and the other "no"...:laugh:

 

Oh, what am I gonna do here!!!??!!!

 

I'm in "like" with this dude...:love:

IronZ Established Member

IronZ

Posted
Posted

It should have 2 checkboxes, one with "yes" and one with "why the hell not???" lol

  • Like 1
craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted
I'm all about verbal and taking action.

 

1) I'm very direct. She knows where I stand and what I want from the get go. Confidence and communication are both vital.

 

** But I never tell a woman that "I like her". This is shown through action. I feel that when a guy says 'I like you' he is doing so to try and feel out how she feels about him. It's approval seeking and weak behavior IMO. Also, use compliments sparingly. If a woman sends you a sexy pic, puts effort into her appearance, or you're in the bedroom, compliments are great. But if you're always doing it, you turn into an ass kisser.

 

2) There's no game playing on my part. I'm very consistent with my actions by planning regular dates and staying in her orbit.

 

**But it's better to make her want you based on who you are, not what you can give her. When you're constantly buying a woman gifts and planning over the top dates, you're trying too hard and acting like you want to buy her affection IMO. It's better to save that stuff for special occasions so it means more.

 

There should be more guys like you.

 

I don't understand why guys aren't more direct. There's always talk about feminism n bs, but in the end it's usually the guy who initials the stage between a relationship and dating.

 

What I mean by that women are often overlooked as psychos asking "where is this going?". I don't understand is what is the big tucking deal with asking on the status . for this reason is that I won't sleep with guy straight away if I really like him as it becomes confusing and most likely wait around just to hear "I'm not looking for a relationship" that's fine. Make it clear earlier so I can continue my fun.

 

 

Stupid. Stupid world we live where there so much hesitation in communication due to fear or anxiety.

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