We'll catch up again..

[guest569]

Why do people bother saying this when they dont mean it? Just say goodbye and leave it at that!

 

The first date went alright, i quite like him, he said we will catch up for a drink soon and did the post-date thank you text and asked to be added on social media.

 

Now silence for a month, so I am ready to give up on him. Should I delete him from my page? I'm wondering if that is what made him change his mind, but my page is fairly dull, typical, normal person, nothing to see here.

 

Or am i just being stupid and should contact him? I'm not crazy about him but he is cute and seems like a really great guy, I'm interested in him and curious to see him again. But if he wanted to see me he would have contacted me. I'm not having much luck through tindering but I'm not putting much effort in. Some days i am lonely and want dates and others i just want to curl up and hide away from everyone.

[Redhead14]

Why do people bother saying this when they dont mean it? Just say goodbye and leave it at that!

 

The first date went alright, i quite like him, he said we will catch up for a drink soon and did the post-date thank you text and asked to be added on social media.

 

Now silence for a month, so I am ready to give up on him. Should I delete him from my page? I'm wondering if that is what made him change his mind, but my page is fairly dull, typical, normal person, nothing to see here.

 

Or am i just being stupid and should contact him? I'm not crazy about him but he is cute and seems like a really great guy, I'm interested in him and curious to see him again. But if he wanted to see me he would have contacted me. I'm not having much luck through tindering but I'm not putting much effort in. Some days i am lonely and want dates and others i just want to curl up and hide away from everyone.

 

I'm not crazy about him -- Why would you even be thinking about him after a month of silence? And, of course, if he wanted to see you again he would have contacted you . . . but he doesn't.

 

Don't reach out to him. This will come across as being desperate. And, sure, he may respond and go out with you, but it will likely be that he just wants to have sex. Reaching out to him now just sends the message that you aren't having any luck dating and so will date anyone who shows attention at all.

[Toodaloo]

Smiley - a month?

 

Honey stop. Look in the mirror. Why on earth is a smart girl like you fussy and faffing over a bloke that doesn't have any balls or gumption? Not even enough to say I don't want to see you again???

 

Come on girl. This guy isn't all that. You have wasted a month.

 

Your orders are to pop to the shops tonight and grab yourself a face pack, a bottle of wine and a new nail varnish and spoil yourself for the entire evening! Have a hot bath and lots of bubbles. Or call your friends and go out. Do something that makes you feel good.

 

Take that pillock off of social media. You don't need to be part of his collection.

 

You are being silly - no do not contact him.

 

Chin up chook (I seem to be saying that a lot today) and remember your worth! Its a heck of a lot more than this! Sod that!

 

As for the loneliness and being fed up we all go through that. It does pass and tomorrow is a new day. When you feel glum pull yourself out of it by doing something fun and silly and daft. Book some theatre tickets or go and see a play, book yourself a mini adventure or one of these "experience days" like segway racing etc... To get yourself feeling better you have to own it and sort it out. Its hard, its tough, but if I can do it you can too

[guest569]

I'm wondering if it was even a date, although I did get a kiss on the cheek at the end. And we did meet on tinder. I haven't been fussing and waiting around all month but i do feel disappointed that he hasn't contacted me as i probably was still holding out hope. I dont get why he wanted me to add him on fb and saying we will meet again. I guess someone else caught his attention or he was lying and just wants a collection or ladies lined up..

[guest569]

And do i keep him around as a possible friend.. I am desperate for friends too

[Haydn]

A month, get rid of him from all social media.

 

When i say `catch up soon` it is to mates. I`d never say it a girl. If i like her it would be more like.....

 

`What you up to tomorrow?`

 

She`d get a text 5 minutes after our goodbyes.

 

It is also vice versa, just depends who gets the text in first.........

 

Toodles advice is pretty spot on.

 

Try to Keep smiling Smiley.

[guest569]

A month, get rid of him from all social media.

 

When i say `catch up soon` it is to mates. I`d never say it a girl. If i like her it would be more like.....

 

`What you up to tomorrow?`

 

She`d get a text 5 minutes after our goodbyes.

 

It is also vice versa, just depends who gets the text in first.........

 

Toodles advice is pretty spot on.

 

Try to Keep smiling Smiley.

 

Well, I cant recall his exact wording but it was definitely something about getting a drink together. I got a text after the goodbyes but no plans. I guess i will delete him as even a friend thats been a while and i don't think he's even interested in that. I know he was moving house as he mentioned on the date and had a family crisis but all is well now.

[Toodaloo]

And do i keep him around as a possible friend.. I am desperate for friends too

 

This guy is not your friend. He is not any use as a lover or a mate either.

 

Ditch the trash and set yourself free to find new friends and lovers!

 

Sod this one he is rude and inconsiderate. Not good enough for our Smiley I am afraid!

[martaldn]

I lost the count of how many time a guy told me that.

Now I dont even waste 1 week waiting for them to contact me, i just go to the next one.

you saw him once so shouldnt be that hard to move on. maybe it didnt click and he didnt want to hurt your feelings... maybe he was dating other girls and somebody else got his attention.. maybe he moved to Earth 2.0 who knows?

the reality is that you wanted to see him again but he didnt text you for one month = he doesnt.

 

I know how you feel because I am actually going into the same situation with a guy I really liked but he cancelled out the second date and then disappeared. now i have 3 dates in the next week-end/week.

if he comes back well... i will tell him to join the queue, so please dont waste your time with him because he only stayed in your life for 2 hours and i think you deserve much more than a "catch up soon" text after a date.

 

good luck

[guest569]

Ok, i deleted him, good riddance.

 

I just put pressure on myself to make up for lost time, at my age with hardly any experience i want to date around and have "fun" but at the same time i guess I'm not in a great place.

[mortensorchid]

If you have not heard from the guy within the first 24-48 hours after your first encounter face to face (text, email, IM, phone call, etc.), you will not hear from him again. Fact. He may say that he will soon, but if he hasn't gotten off of his duff and done anything about it, it's not going anywhere. In 10% of cases if he may contact you again, you might have a second get together with him, but that will be that.

 

Harsh lesson to be learned, but facts are facts about people. If he liked you as much as he said he did, then he can't hardly wait to contact you again. Otherwise he's just not that into you. Fact.

[toml]

This guy is not your friend. He is not any use as a lover or a mate either.

 

Ditch the trash and set yourself free to find new friends and lovers!

 

Sod this one he is rude and inconsiderate. Not good enough for our Smiley I am afraid!

 

Maybe he just wanted to be friends and they were hanging out and OP misread into thigs thinking he liked her more than a friend

[Toodaloo]

Maybe he just wanted to be friends and they were hanging out and OP misread into thigs thinking he liked her more than a friend

 

I have met guys who want to be just friends (not really just friends nothing more) and surprise! every single one of them has contacted me within 48 hours... the one who want more within 24... Depending on how keen they are it is usually less as in a couple of hours...

 

Friend/ lover etc if they want to get to know you they will make an effort!

[Toodaloo]

Ok, i deleted him, good riddance.

 

I just put pressure on myself to make up for lost time, at my age with hardly any experience i want to date around and have "fun" but at the same time i guess I'm not in a great place.

 

If someone gave me a quid for every time I felt this way I would be living the life of riley!

 

It does pass. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Try to think of life in other ways and concentrate on that instead.

 

If your not in a good place stop the dating for a bit, get rid of the things that you are fretting about and take a moment to just breathe.

 

Time waits for no man but you waste it worrying about it passing. When you just stop and take care of yourself it does slow down for you.

 

Have a hug honey.

[preraph]

I'm wondering if it was even a date, although I did get a kiss on the cheek at the end. And we did meet on tinder. I haven't been fussing and waiting around all month but i do feel disappointed that he hasn't contacted me as i probably was still holding out hope. I dont get why he wanted me to add him on fb and saying we will meet again. I guess someone else caught his attention or he was lying and just wants a collection or ladies lined up..

 

Tinder started out as hookups, so a lot of people there are only looking for a hookup still. He's not interested anyway. He was at least polite, I'll give him that. But he didn't say he wanted to go out again and he doesn't. He's probably too busy hooking up. Drop him like Toodloo said and just forget about him.

[candie13]

hum... my opinion is somewhat different. Tinder is not just a hook up app, it's also almost a network app. You get to meet people, some interesting, others not, make friends, etc. I did make a great make friend - but we knew we'd be friends instantly.

 

Some people get busy, some people travel extensively. I did have a "date" with a guy who I thought sounded fun and who had loads of friends. Same MO as you. He actually texted after one month - on facebook - and asked me out spontaneously. I was clearly friendzoning him. Well, he had traveled, had had friends visiting him for the last 2-3 weeks, etc. We had some drinks, he had organized a bbq at his place and then went traveling back again. I didn't get a kiss after the second time we met, but it was nice to feel the chemistry.

 

Your first post - I could have written it myself. I think you can only know if you ask. Knowing is always better than not knowing. No reason for you to feel rejected like that. People have busy busy lives. I think most likely you didn't give off the vibe as if you were dying to date anyway - neither did I, btw.

 

I know I want to meet people, make friends, have a good time. And if I am really lucky, maybe fall inlove. We're doing it right for not pressuring ourselves into anything.

 

If I were you, I would have chosen one of the two:

1. I would have left it there and checked his fb status (btw, your being a regular person is OK)

2. I would have maybe asked him to have lunch one weekend, somewhere nice, by a beach. Informal, Relaxed. It won't kill ya, hahaha.

 

well, looks like you've already deleted the guy. It's ok, better luck next time. The lesson for you would be, if you like guy a little bit more, maybe you should show it a bit more. The guy can't read your mind, you know. Me thinks you were a bit ambivalent yourself... am I right? If I am right, you can't really really blame the guy for going quiet.

 

Don't get bitter. I think you are sailing in tricky waters but you'll get the hang of it. We all do, eventually.

 

cheers

[guest569]

Tinder started out as hookups, so a lot of people there are only looking for a hookup still. He's not interested anyway. He was at least polite, I'll give him that. But he didn't say he wanted to go out again and he doesn't. He's probably too busy hooking up. Drop him like Toodloo said and just forget about him.

 

He did though, say that he wanted to meet again! I don't think it is polite to BS.

 

Some people get busy, some people travel extensively.

 

Me thinks you were a bit ambivalent yourself... am I right? If I am right, you can't really really blame the guy for going quiet.

 

I wouldn't say ambivalent at all. Well I am usually holding my cards close on and after a first date and am usually making up my mind about the person. Even my ex who I was amazed with on the date, during the date i thought "hm this isn't go as i that, this isn't going to work" but later that night and in the days that followed i realised i was pretty keen. I should have listened to my gut but throughout the relationship i thought there was something there.

 

Anyway back to this one, maybe I came across as uninterested but I did notice on fb it was his birthday and sent a quick text wishing him a great day and never heard back and that was a few weeks ago. Boo. Polite indeed.

[Toodaloo]

Completely off topic but Smiley how are YOU today? Are you feeling any better? Are your toe nails now a gorgeous red or sexy pink?

[guest569]

Completely off topic but Smiley how are YOU today? Are you feeling any better? Are your toe nails now a gorgeous red or sexy pink?

 

Aww thanks for checking up on me today I had a good day catching up with a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen for a while (she tends to want to see me when her best friend is ignoring her and she needs someone to see the football with, but I'll take that lol, I got out of the house and had fun). I managed to cut my toe nails which is a total pamper session for me haha. I might give them a paint tonight, I am planning to go all out and have a nice foot bath with salts, scrub and moisturiser etc.

 

I've been persevering on tinder and it looks like i will get a coffee date soon. I'm not very hopeful. I haven't given the other guy much thought but I guess i am still half hoping to hear from him. TRying not to let the feeling of rejection get to me but cant help but think its me, not them.

 

Thanks so much for your advice and support, it means a lot.

[Toodaloo]

Aww thanks for checking up on me today I had a good day catching up with a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen for a while (she tends to want to see me when her best friend is ignoring her and she needs someone to see the football with, but I'll take that lol, I got out of the house and had fun). I managed to cut my toe nails which is a total pamper session for me haha. I might give them a paint tonight, I am planning to go all out and have a nice foot bath with salts, scrub and moisturiser etc.

 

I've been persevering on tinder and it looks like i will get a coffee date soon. I'm not very hopeful. I haven't given the other guy much thought but I guess i am still half hoping to hear from him. TRying not to let the feeling of rejection get to me but cant help but think its me, not them.

 

Thanks so much for your advice and support, it means a lot.

 

 

Keep going sweatpea. Sometimes we have times when we feel down but it does pass. Much quicker if you face your problems head on and do something about it. Life ebbs and flows. Get those toe nails painted and a face pack on. Dance round your kitchen and smile!

 

Don't let the rejection get to you. If they can't see what a fantastic gal you are then they are a bit dim

 

Glad your feeling better.

[guest569]

 

Keep going sweatpea. Sometimes we have times when we feel down but it does pass. Much quicker if you face your problems head on and do something about it. Life ebbs and flows. Get those toe nails painted and a face pack on. Dance round your kitchen and smile!

 

Don't let the rejection get to you. If they can't see what a fantastic gal you are then they are a bit dim

 

Glad your feeling better.

 

The main problem is i still miss my ex, and second another ex that I tried being friends with who then dumped me as a friend as well as he blew up over absolutely nothing?? I think he had mental issues but it still hurt. Then there's the FWB who i probably like a bit more than he likes me. Dating never seems to end very well for me and yet i keep putting myself through it.

[Toodaloo]

Smiley that is a heck of a lot of emotional rubbish going on in your brain...

 

Just a suggestion but why not just cut the men out for a bit. Learn to love yourself. At the moment you are in danger of rebounding from one guy to the next and never being able to appreciate them for who they are... Not a good place to be and not going to get that smile back...

 

I understand that you want someone and have the same urges as the rest of us. I was going through all of this last year. I suddenly realized that I needed to sort my sh*t out. If I wanted this great bloke then he deserved for me to be great to... So I took time out. I dealt with issues going back over 10/ 12 years... It really hurt at the time but I can finally put it all behind me and I feel stronger and happier. I still have the glum days (going through a few of those at the moment for various reasons) but instead of wanting a man to swoop in and "save" me I am happy to deal with it by myself.

 

No one should be walking around with all that hurt you are carrying. Time to pack it away and free yourself up.

 

Just a thought.

[guest569]

Smiley that is a heck of a lot of emotional rubbish going on in your brain...

 

Just a suggestion but why not just cut the men out for a bit. Learn to love yourself. At the moment you are in danger of rebounding from one guy to the next and never being able to appreciate them for who they are... Not a good place to be and not going to get that smile back...

 

I understand that you want someone and have the same urges as the rest of us. I was going through all of this last year. I suddenly realized that I needed to sort my sh*t out. If I wanted this great bloke then he deserved for me to be great to... So I took time out. I dealt with issues going back over 10/ 12 years... It really hurt at the time but I can finally put it all behind me and I feel stronger and happier. I still have the glum days (going through a few of those at the moment for various reasons) but instead of wanting a man to swoop in and "save" me I am happy to deal with it by myself.

 

No one should be walking around with all that hurt you are carrying. Time to pack it away and free yourself up.

 

Just a thought.

 

If i wait until i sort my issues out i will never get to date again haha. I finally got laid and want to make up for lost time. If what i read around true, soon I will be too old and lose all my "value" i guess its partly that and needing validation or whatever. Ugh!

[Toodaloo]

If i wait until i sort my issues out i will never get to date again haha. I finally got laid and want to make up for lost time. If what i read around true, soon I will be too old and lose all my "value" i guess its partly that and needing validation or whatever. Ugh!

 

That my dear is what is known in the UK as complete and utter bollocks...

 

Seriously. What harm is taking a couple of months just to spend some time on you going to do?

 

Once you get to it it actually doesn't take that long. Not having a game plan or just letting these things fester takes longer... In my case 12 years!!! Took just a week or so to deal with... What a waste of 12 years eh!