Torn apart by arranged marriage and a lying, manipulating guy.

[ladybug7000]

Okay I know this is a lot but please bare with me...

 

so I have never been boy crazy until I fell in love for the first time last August. He was my good friend of 3 years. I never saw him anything more than a friend and he always had a cute thing for me. We started talking a lot more and became even more closer.

 

Here is the problem. He is Muslim and I am a Christian. I am also African American and he is an Arab. Me being ignorant about Islam and the practices put me in deep trouble...

Please if you could kindly take a few to read my story I truly appreciate it very much...

 

Now before you call me stupid may I say that I have Muslim friends but they all date people outside of their religion and stuff so I never thought anything of it. He did tell me his mom did not want him to date. I thought nothing of it because being 17 I still wasn't allowed to date at all. I couldn't even spend the night at a friend's house.

 

So his mom found out early this year after 5 months of dating. And cussed me out and told me to stay away from him if i couldn't control my feelings for him. I got so depressed. He wouldnt talk to me and deleted all of our pictures from every social network and started to flirt with other girls. On valentines day we got back together because i decided to forgive him after he texted me. This time he stopped being emotional over me. He started to get mean and started saying I wanted every guy that would try to talk to me at school.

 

I lost my virginity to him around the end of October. We had sex in March and days later he dumped me and started talking to other girls. He was still leading me on and i went to his first game and cheered for him and stayed in the cold just to see him play. He said that he couldn't be with me anymore and that he was done with me soon after.

 

By this time, it is spring break and I fell very ill. I started breaking out in hives, my left eye was swollen shut for a few days and my thumb was swollen. It was very huge and i started loosing feeling in it. To prevent a doctor bill since we were struggling with money for a while my mom just went to CVS and got me Benadryl. My dad said it was just bug bites and told me to just use Cortisone and that it would go away but he had no idea what was going on and he still doesn't. I found out he was talking to a Freshman girl who is very fast with the boys and he started liking her stuff on instagram and vice versa. Even though we still talked on the phone every night. He started being very mean and aggressive towards me and told me I was a terrible person. I asked him if we could go to Prom together just as friends and he said he couldn't because he was afraid his parents would catch him with a girl. He also told me he was being forced to go back to his homeland this summer after his parents found out about me and that they would burn his passport so he could never come back I cried so much and he told me that "this is all annoying oh my GOD!" and just fell asleep to ignore my cries on the phone. She also gave him adderall pills and he started taking them and smoking weed which he got from her too.

 

I saw them walking together in the hallways at school on the first day of school back from springbreak. Devastated I ran into the bathroom and cried the whole hour missing the whole class and puked in the bathroom. He saw me and walked past me with his head down silently and didn't even look at me. I didnt eat well for 5 weeks and lost 22 pounds. I puked and had very bad diarrhea everyday before school. I smoked cigarettes before getting on the bus to school before to calm my anxiety. I was also feeling very suicidal and he knew it.

 

When I left on a class trip to Chicago for a day, I got back and found out he made out with her infront of a WHOLE crowd of people. She also went to his games and he took her out to dinner and something went wrong between them and they stopped talking.

 

I confronted him and he started calling me whores for loosing my virginity to him and he also busted out that he had been secretly taking nude photos of me throughout our relationship. He even sent me one of the pictures and threatned to send them out if I told his dad what he had been doing. He called me and I was crying on the phone hysterically. I hung up on him and told him to block me from everything and never speak to me again. I cut off communication with him. Days later she sent me a message on instagram with a fake apology and I didn't accept it being so angry.

Developing a very sharp pain on the left side of my stomach, which i believe came from the constant vomiting and watery poop everyday before school, I went to my doctor and told him everything that had happened. I got diagnozed with GERD and severe depression and anxiety. I am on medication for both now.

 

 

I started getting better and accepting everything and even gained back some of the weight i loss. I started to feel happy again. And i stopped eating in a classroom alone at lunch after some distant friends invited me to their lunch table and was looking foward to graduation BUT...

3 weeks later he messages me and tells me I told everyone about him going back to his homeland (which I did not) and said CPS came to his house and tried to remove him and his siblings. STUPID ENOUGH we got back together in a week and started sleeping with eachother again. I was so blind and so in love I couldnt stay away from him. I got pregnant without telling him and last month after he dumped me and had a miscarriage.

 

He is now talking and flirting with all my friends. Even the girls who invited me to their lunch table who were my friends before all this and were talking to him behind my back and still are. He has talked about me to his cousin and called me crazy.

 

 

Now he tells me he is getting engaged next year to a girl he met in his homeland when he was little and to mind my own business and that he lost all feelings for me and that I'm overreacting from all of this and lied about my miscarriage. I don't know if this marriage is real because he has lied to me about going back to his homeland and talking to the freshman... When i found out he was getting engaged last Sunday, I tried to commit suicide with my depression pills. My mom urged me to call A&E but i was too scared they would hospitaliz me and I begged and pleaded to her not call them. She just told me to take a very cold shower and lay down on my stomach just in case I would vomit so I wouldnt choke. He even said I was lying about that and to "go F myself". We talked on the phone last night and he was mocking me and laughing at me for crying and being suicidal.. He even mentioned that he "get all kinds of whores now" and he is still talking to my friends and called me a whore and said I was a "half naked slut" for posting pictures of me swimmming on my facebook. He said he isn't going to block me anymore because this is all a joke and I'm a joke. He said he delete every picture and is done with me and stopped talking to me.. Why has he treated me like this? We have been through so much?

 

Thank you for reading all this...

[catlady11]

I don't care what religion or race he is....no one has the right to treat you like that.

 

He is bad news! Stay away from him and count your blessings that you know exactly what kind of person he is.

 

Listen to the names he called you-do you really think a guy who cares about you would say those things to you? That he would do the things he's done if he cared about you?

 

Walk away!

[ladybug7000]

He called me and I was crying on the phone hysterically. He also began to throw racial slurs at me. Which hurt a lot because we even planned to have children together. They would be half black! This was someone I trusted! And I never sent any nude pictures so they were obviously secretly snapped over facetime whenever i would change because we basically did everything together on facetime. Even pooped .

[ladybug7000]

Thank you catlady11! It just hurts you know. This guy is getting married son yet flirting with ALL the girls out there. True player. I also had a friend tell me he bragged about taking other girls virginities and leaving them. He told me he was a virgin and that I know he doesn't go anywhere so I should believe them since he just babysits his siblings all day. Thank you for reading!

[mrldii]

OP, you didn't state your age, but from what you've written you appear to be rather young.

 

At 30 years of age, I (as a divorced white, [raised] Christian woman and mother), got involved with a Muslim man...and fell completely in love with him....and, he claimed, he fell in love with me, too.

 

During our time together, it became serious enough that he asked me to marry him and I [semi]seriously considered it. I considered it, even after he explained to me that he wanted to have 9 children. (I told him HE should...but he was out of his mind if he thought I was going to pop them out for him.) He explained to me the way Muslim marriages work...complete with the women prepare the meal and stay in the kitchen to eat to discuss babies and recipes and sewing...after serving the men in another room, where the men discuss important matters, like politics and current trends and news events.

 

He explained to me that when Muslim men and women are together, the women do not speak directly to their husbands. If a wife has something important to discuss with her husband or has an opinion on a family/household matter, she is to wait until they go to bed and should discuss it privately, behind closed doors, with him. If he is a Good Husband, he will let her speak...

 

...and then decide what he will do, and she will follow. If she disobeys any of his decisions, it is right and his duty to literally beat her into submission, if need be.

 

We dated for over 2 years - and went through 2 Ramadans. 30 days of forced NC due to his religion and its principles, as it is an extremely religious time and they are not tobreak any of their religious customs...which includes NOT having sex with a non-believer and most assuredly NOT having sex outside of a marriage.

 

He sneaked out to my house every Friday night during each of those High Holy Times to be a sinner...and then prayed over it the next day for absolution.

 

Eventually, we broke up. Again, he wanted to marry me, there was NO WAY I was going to live that kind of a life.

 

About a year later, I discovered (through mutual friends) he had a fiancee who lived about 600 miles south of us. He'd had her all along...she was his arranged-marriage, through his family and had been since they were born (30 years earlier).

 

He was never serious about me...I was his (loose-and-wild) American plaything on the side. It appears many (Americanized) Muslim men are encouraged to get their need for *The Nasty* out of their systems with the *sluts* that we American women are (in their eyes).

 

 

 

I'm sorry this happened to you; I'm sorry he was your first, and that this was your introduction to it. He's treating you the way he is because it's in their culture TO feel this way about American women.

 

 

 

 

Please get counseling...you very much need - and deserve - it. He will not be getting any, as - again, in his culture - he has done exactly what is expected of him.

[ladybug7000]

Wow. I am so sorry you got involved with him! He had a wife on the side!? Gosh, I am so angry about that! Why do they do that! I'm not a bad person at all. I'm very caring and he knew that and he used my kindness as a weakness as well. He knew i was very sheltered and didn't get out much. I am 18. I lost my virginity to him at 17 in the back of a car... I feel very sick and trashy. He also began spewing hateful racial slurs at me and told me he can get any woman he wants because of his looks and his rich lifestyle. His family has money but i never EVER considered taking any money from him as his parents believe... he said he didn't want to be with a whore and someone who flaunt their body. I had pictures of me swimming in a Las Vegas hotel with my family on my facebook. He is talking to girls who post pictures of their panties and their clevage all the time. He even canceled plans with me last week to hang out with one of them. He was even going to go to Prom with one of the girls who had been trying to get his attention while we were dating even though I asked him several times to go with me just as a friend and i would be very happy about it.. EVEN AS FRIENDS. I apologize for my spelling errors and punctuation. I am just to tired and depressed to even attempt...

 

I am seeing a psychiatrist next week about this and my suicide attempt. Maybe I can be hospitalized for a while before college starts this fall so I can be stabilized- somewhat at least. He thinks its ridiculous. He told me "you're going to THERAPY over a guy. Look how ridiculous you sound.. This hurts very much. He was my first love... first everything. I brought him around my family and they liked him very much.. They even saw how I looked at him. He bought me roses every Friday and brought them to school, bought me breakfast everyday when he would drive me to school, took me out to dinner and movie dates. Everything. I was so sprung and in love.. I am still in love sadly. I want to snap out of it. I feel so weak. I just don't see a point in living anymore if this is how most people are in life. Pursue, Use, and Leave. I cannot deal with this much longer. I fear another suicide attempt is near..

[ladybug7000]

OP, you didn't state your age, but from what you've written you appear to be rather young.

 

At 30 years of age, I (as a divorced white, [raised] Christian woman and mother), got involved with a Muslim man...and fell completely in love with him....and, he claimed, he fell in love with me, too.

 

During our time together, it became serious enough that he asked me to marry him and I [semi]seriously considered it. I considered it, even after he explained to me that he wanted to have 9 children. (I told him HE should...but he was out of his mind if he thought I was going to pop them out for him.) He explained to me the way Muslim marriages work...complete with the women prepare the meal and stay in the kitchen to eat to discuss babies and recipes and sewing...after serving the men in another room, where the men discuss important matters, like politics and current trends and news events.

 

He explained to me that when Muslim men and women are together, the women do not speak directly to their husbands. If a wife has something important to discuss with her husband or has an opinion on a family/household matter, she is to wait until they go to bed and should discuss it privately, behind closed doors, with him. If he is a Good Husband, he will let her speak...

 

...and then decide what he will do, and she will follow. If she disobeys any of his decisions, it is right and his duty to literally beat her into submission, if need be.

 

We dated for over 2 years - and went through 2 Ramadans. 30 days of forced NC due to his religion and its principles, as it is an extremely religious time and they are not tobreak any of their religious customs...which includes NOT having sex with a non-believer and most assuredly NOT having sex outside of a marriage.

 

He sneaked out to my house every Friday night during each of those High Holy Times to be a sinner...and then prayed over it the next day for absolution.

 

Eventually, we broke up. Again, he wanted to marry me, there was NO WAY I was going to live that kind of a life.

 

About a year later, I discovered (through mutual friends) he had a fiancee who lived about 600 miles south of us. He'd had her all along...she was his arranged-marriage, through his family and had been since they were born (30 years earlier).

 

He was never serious about me...I was his (loose-and-wild) American plaything on the side. It appears many (Americanized) Muslim men are encouraged to get their need for *The Nasty* out of their systems with the *sluts* that we American women are (in their eyes).

 

 

 

I'm sorry this happened to you; I'm sorry he was your first, and that this was your introduction to it. He's treating you the way he is because it's in their culture TO feel this way about American women.

 

 

 

 

Please get counseling...you very much need - and deserve - it. He will not be getting any, as - again, in his culture - he has done exactly what is expected of him.

 

 

Also thank you so much for taking time to read my problems:)

[ladybug7000]

I don't care what religion or race he is....no one has the right to treat you like that.

 

He is bad news! Stay away from him and count your blessings that you know exactly what kind of person he is.

 

Listen to the names he called you-do you really think a guy who cares about you would say those things to you? That he would do the things he's done if he cared about you?

 

Walk away!

 

 

Thank you catlady11! It just hurts you know. This guy is getting married son yet flirting with ALL the girls out there. True player. I also had a friend tell me he bragged about taking other girls virginities and leaving them. He told me he was a virgin and that I know he doesn't go anywhere so I should believe them since he just babysits his siblings all day. Thank you for reading!

[mrldii]

Ladybug, please do whatever is necessary to stop ALL contact with him and to put a stop to whatever means he has to say things to/at you. If this means staying away from mutual friends for a bit, so be it.

 

 

 

And, please make your appointment for tomorrow...NOT next week.

[ladybug7000]

Ladybug, please do whatever is necessary to stop ALL contact with him and to put a stop to whatever means he has to say things to/at you. If this means staying away from mutual friends for a bit, so be it.

 

 

 

And, please make your appointment for tomorrow...NOT next week.

 

The lady at the facility told me that my psychiatrist is booked this whole week.. I really would like to go as soon as possible. I'm trying so hard to be calm. I have even started to break out in hives again and I also have shallow breathing. Do you think it's best to be hospitalized for a while? I have cut all contact with him. Or should I say he has with me. But I'm not trying to talk to him anymore. After explaining to him so many times how badly he is hurting me and making me very ill he really believe that he has done nothing wrong and that this is all me..

 

He mocks me now and in a childish annoying voice tries to imitate my crying and the words I say.. He has never done that before.

[mightycpa]

Revenge is going to be him getting what his parents have made him believe that he wants. He's going to marry some girl he doesn't love, and he's going to parade around the house like some petit dictator while he pines for other women in the privacy of his mind. He might even cheat on her when he goes out with his friends. He's been raised to be a pig, which probably explains why they don't eat them.

 

What a life. Be glad you won't be part of it.

[ladybug7000]

Revenge is going to be him getting what his parents have made him believe that he wants. He's going to marry some girl he doesn't love, and he's going to parade around the house like some petit dictator while he pines for other women in the privacy of his mind. He might even cheat on her when he goes out with his friends. He's been raised to be a pig, which probably explains why they don't eat them.

 

What a life. Be glad you won't be part of it.

 

I don't know why he had to play me. He also believes he has done absolutely nothing wrong..