What do I do from here?

[NCgirl155]

Hi everyone!

 

So I’m back after a little bit of not posting on here, as I haven’t necessarily had anything good or bad happen surrounding my breakup, but now I’m stuck in another dilemma.

 

As a little background information, my ex and I are both 16 so we’re pretty young, especially for a long distance relationship, which we were in. He lives two hours away and we only saw eachother twice during the relationship because both of us are in school and can't drive out of state yet, so we had to rely on our parents. I met him while I was visiting some family I had that lives in his state. We were together 5 months, and I can honestly say it was the best 5 months of my life, he really made me happy (I can be happy without him, he just augmented my happiness) and I had never felt so comfortable with a guy before which was really great as I had dated guys for longer in the past that I didn’t feel as comfortable with as I did with him. I was really in love with him (he’s my first love) and I thought the feeling was mutual, we would talk every single day for hours on facetime and he even began bringing up a future (we have similar places that we want to be when it comes to college/future homes) and he started saying things about how he wanted to marry me someday. We actually had a really good relationship, we never fought, we respected eachother, and we did our best to make eachother feel appreciated. Weirdly enough, during the relationship, he would always say that we would “have to stay friends even after we broke up so we can date again when we live closer because he wants to marry me”. Anyways, he broke up with me at the end of June after about two weeks of tension. We both had finals and were starting our summers, and he had been really bad about keeping in contact (texting/facetime) so I became increasingly annoyed. The first time I raised my concern was after about a week of it happening, and he told me he’d do his best to make things better because he loved me/didn’t want to lose me. But it continued for another week so I asked him if anything was up, and he wrote me a big paragraph on how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that he’s just been really busy. I told him that I was pretty annoyed so I asked him to call me, and halfway after that call (after saying things like I love you, I’m sorry,etc) he broke up with me, saying that the distance was getting to be too much. I was totally shocked so I didn’t say anything and he said he had to go because he was on his way to a friend’s house and I hung up. I texted him asking why he did this, and he told me that every time he was with his friends he would worry about me getting mad at him for not talking, that he didn’t think he would have enough time to talk as much as I’d like, that he didn’t want me to waste my summer on him, and that it wouldn’t be fair to me because he’s barely been touching his phone and he knew he was hurting me. Whether or not those were the honest reasons I’m not sure. He is the type of guy who NEVER uses his phone especially when he’s with people, so I think I kind of get where he’s coming from, but that’s besides the point. He texted me later that night and asked if we could still be friends and if not he understood if I was mad or hated him. I told him I wasn’t sure yet.. I implemented no contact for a week and ending up texting him and I got the closure I needed, I hinted at getting back together but he told me that he just doesn’t think he can be in a relationship being so far from me even though he thinks I'm "beautiful and a great girl".That was all I needed to know so I told him that I needed some time and didn’t contact him for two weeks. After those two weeks (which ended on Thursday of last week) I texted him a simple hey and asked if he still wanted to be friends and he said yes, but that he didn’t want me to be offended if he doesn’t reply sometimes because he’s with his friends. I wanted to keep the conversation short so I told him I had to go and that if he wanted to, he should facetime me sometime so we can catch up. He randomly texted me later on that night and we talked from Friday-Saturday, and everything felt so normal. We were joking around with each other and it didn’t feel awkward at all, but we haven’t talked since then and he was the one who didn’t respond to my last text.

 

So I’m kind of in a predicament as to what the right thing to do is from here on. I do still have feelings for him and I miss him a lot, but it’s not to the point where I’m overemotional anymore. I've come to terms with the breakup and I think it honestly may have been the best thing right now for both of us. I don’t necessarily think I would want to get back together unless he brought it up and had stellar reasoning (it takes a lot to convince me to get back together with someone who dumped me in the first place), so for now I’d just want to be friends. I know that I can handle my romantic feelings for him while being in a platonic friendship with him (yes, I know, there’s always a possibility that he meets a new girl who he falls head over heels for, but it’s whatever makes him happy) and they will probably subside eventually. I have a few long distance friends and it’s not tough because we’ll text a few times a week and facetime once a week or so, and then see each other every few months, but I don’t know what to do about him. I have two main options: to continue to reach out to him every other week or so and rebuild our friendship, or to not contact him for longer and risk him forgetting about me or something. I honestly don’t know which is better. I’m not sure how I would go about asking him to facetime as I don’t want to bother him. Additionally, I’ll be in his state at the end of next month with a friend, so should I ask him to hang out? I’ve been very careful about avoiding that “crazy ex girlfriend” persona, so I’ve just been keeping all our interactions calm and lighthearted and I have barely been contacting him. I’m kind of lucky as I was his first serious girlfriend so he doesn’t really know the rules of the road (like not being friends with your ex) so it’s a bit easier. I’m usually not an advocate at all of staying friends with an ex, especially if he hurt me, but I don’t really think this ex wanted to hurt me as he was really nice about everything, and I just want to keep him in my life because he’s a really amazing and loyal friend. So, what do I do from here? At this point I'm not looking to get back together and I'm only interested in being friends for now. Do I keep in contact with him casually, or implement again no contact for a bit longer (I think it’s pointless at this stage)? I'm not sure if he still cares about me or not, I hope he does. Do I ask him to hang out next month or ask him to facetime or something prior to that? Thanks for any advice

Edited July 23, 2015 by NCgirl155

[McKayla]

Oh no honey, I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this hurt at such a young age, but it's life. I do think that if he went out of his way to ask to be friends that he genuinely wants to keep you in his life, but it's hard to ever know what's going on in the constantly changing mind of a teenage boy. I don't see a problem with waiting to contact him nor do I see one with contacting him sometime soon. You seem very mature for your age so I assume that you will know what the best thing to do in your situation is.