missingu Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. Last night he told me that when he is at work he thinks about us a lot. He says that he psychs himself out wondering if he really does love me. One minute he's like "I'm not sure I love her anymore" and the next he's like "shut up stupid of course you do".. And he worries I don't love him. I asked him what made him think that and he couldn't give me an answer. He is a real worrier about everything. I am too. And sometimes I think the same thing. I don't love him and then I'm like of course I do. I tell myself to snap out of it. My question is, is it normal for us to worry about our feelings like this??
Vintage79 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I'd say it's weird and unhealthy in a stable relationship. One of the primary benefits of being in a stable, long term relationship is trust and comfort - if you're always worrying, it takes that away. Serious worriers tend to either get clingy and needy, or break up very often...just my view. Maybe a pair of worriers, though, could work...but I'd recommend that you both get a bit more confident - it sounds like a relationship from hell that will fail in the not too distant future...
Mrin Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Absolutely it is. But I tell you what isn't normal, is that you guys are so willing to be vulnerable and talk about it. That's really cool. Usually a lot of these feelings stem from feeling insecure about the other person. Which totally sounds like this is at play on both sides with you guys. Most of the time, if you can maintain this openness and vulnerability without making up stories about what the other person is saying but rather just hearing them, a lot of those insecurities can go away. Hope this helps! 1
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Introspection is generally healthy. This back & forth seeming constant roller coaster he appears to be on is a bit much. At a point in time when I sensed DH was going to propose, I wondered if I loved him enough. After he proposed as we were embroiled in Wedding Planning I did some more soul searching. It wasn't so much I love him / I don't love him but more of an Am I sure? thing because I didn't want to be a statistic & get a divorce. So bottom line: Some thinking is good; constant & repeated uncertainty is more problematic.
Empyrea Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I think it just comes naturally to some people. Like you said, you're both worriers. Possibly, it might be a more ideal match if at least one of you were able to take things more lightly? But on the other hand, if you can communicate your concerns openly, then there's the added benefit to being able to relate to the other person's insecurities. Talking about it and learning what can trigger these feelings in the other person and how to overcome that, can make for a strong and balanced relationship - like in my previous relationships, I've just needed more reassurance at times, so when I receive that, I feel secure again, but some people might be more averse to providing that, and I would be left feeling insecure, so it's important to learn and care and communicate.
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