hoully81 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The Girl I am dating for the last 4 or 5 months I have only seen her feed her 3 year old boy junk food. I have seen him eat fruit Popsicles and fudge Popsicles one after another on multiple occasions while at her house. The kid will also go to the freezer and eat countless frozen waffles. Just eats them frozen right out of his hand. I have ate dinner at her house several times and the kid is never required to sit at the table and eat with us. Last night she fixed a small plate of food for him and he never ate a bite of it and after we got done eating he wants ice cream and she immediately makes him a bowl of ice cream. A little background on the kid. The mom thinks the kid has autism as he does not talk very good for a 3 year old and says he has some pretty hardcore meltdowns. (not sure as every 3 year old has meltdowns) My view on the kid is yes he does have a speech problem as he probably should talk better then he does but he likes to play like any other kid. i dont think he really has autism. I am not a doctor so I am not sure? But I feel like there is a lack of discipline in the house. He has gone to the doctor for autism and various issues and the only medicine he has been prescribed is Miralax and Iron as he had low iron. Most likely from the poor diet. My thought on this is she is letting the kid run the roost. I think she maybe letting the kid have to much control over what he does at 3 years old like dictating what he eats. I am sure if i say something she will say its because of his autism or something. I have raised 2 kids 10 and 15 already and I believe if I had that kid in my presence at every meal for awhile he would be sitting at the table under my control. if not he would get hungry and the food on the table would start looking pretty good. Do you guys have any advice on how I should approach this subject to her as i think this kid just needs a little discipline and firmness in his life. I have never said anything to her or do very little getting on to the kid when I am with him only if he is going to hurt someone or something. I am looking for a long term relationship and the kid would not be able to act like that under my roof and would be a deal breaker for me if she lets that go on. Maybe she just does not know how to discipline very good? Maybe she just needs to be taught I am not sure? 1
Redhead14 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The Girl I am dating for the last 4 or 5 months I have only seen her feed her 3 year old boy junk food. I have seen him eat fruit Popsicles and fudge Popsicles one after another on multiple occasions while at her house. The kid will also go to the freezer and eat countless frozen waffles. Just eats them frozen right out of his hand. I have ate dinner at her house several times and the kid is never required to sit at the table and eat with us. Last night she fixed a small plate of food for him and he never ate a bite of it and after we got done eating he wants ice cream and she immediately makes him a bowl of ice cream. A little background on the kid. The mom thinks the kid has autism as he does not talk very good for a 3 year old and says he has some pretty hardcore meltdowns. (not sure as every 3 year old has meltdowns) My view on the kid is yes he does have a speech problem as he probably should talk better then he does but he likes to play like any other kid. i dont think he really has autism. I am not a doctor so I am not sure? But I feel like there is a lack of discipline in the house. He has gone to the doctor for autism and various issues and the only medicine he has been prescribed is Miralax and Iron as he had low iron. Most likely from the poor diet. My thought on this is she is letting the kid run the roost. I think she maybe letting the kid have to much control over what he does at 3 years old like dictating what he eats. I am sure if i say something she will say its because of his autism or something. I have raised 2 kids 10 and 15 already and I believe if I had that kid in my presence at every meal for awhile he would be sitting at the table under my control. if not he would get hungry and the food on the table would start looking pretty good. Do you guys have any advice on how I should approach this subject to her as i think this kid just needs a little discipline and firmness in his life. I have never said anything to her or do very little getting on to the kid when I am with him only if he is going to hurt someone or something. I am looking for a long term relationship and the kid would not be able to act like that under my roof and would be a deal breaker for me if she lets that go on. Maybe she just does not know how to discipline very good? Maybe she just needs to be taught I am not sure? Speech problems at this age are often related to hearing problems. Slight deafness or deafness in one ear, etc. If they can't hear properly, they can't form the words properly. So, that's one thing to check into. That being said, you two have only been seeing each other for 5 months. You are not at a point in the relationship where you can or should interfere with her rearing of the child. What you can do is consider her parenting skills and if you intend to raise any other children with her, you would need to get on that page before you get engaged for sure. If you are not going to have any children with her and perhaps marry her while the child is still young, you are going to have a lot on your plate to start a new relationship. This is a big deal, but you can suggest certain things only. You can't interfere. When you get the point of discussing marriage seriously, you'll need to address it right then and there. She clearly has very poor parenting skills. This is often really the result of laziness. It's easier just to let him do whatever he wants. Even autistic children are fed and disciplined. He is still young enough to be able to correct things, but she better start now.
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I think the safest way to make an initial broaching of the subject would be to base it on that recent plate of food she made him which he didn't eat. BUT...put all of the tricky side of it back upon yourself. You could say you noticed what happened and that it must be tough getting him to eat a real meal - ask her if it would make like a whole lot easier for her if you were to avoid being at her place at meal times so that she can do the training and discipline often needed with youngsters and if you are not there she can get on with that whilst you are out of the picture. You could work out a later time or different times to visit. It could well be that she just isn't up for the possible tantrums whilst you are present. This could all upset her of course and she may become defensive but if you are considerate of her need to focus on him and respectful about that I think that could be the easiest lead in. It's her responsibility to get him eating but as you will know yourself it can take some (a lot in some cases) effort and some squabbles along the way! 2
Author hoully81 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 That is awesome advice! I like how you gave example as to put the blame on me for being there which causes him to not eat. I am going to use that. Thanks very much!
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It just seems the least accusatory way that I could think of - and I know you aren't meaning to accuse even. He is at the stage he needs to receive some tough love on eating habits though - I did as a kid- I remember it well! Lol! You being not around could give her the space and time she needs to get in a routine. We like to make our lives easier with a newish partner around but it can mean important things get pushed aside and this really is important. Good luck!
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Just to add, I'm not a mum myself and have no children so you might want to see what a few Mum's think, their views might differ drastically.
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