Jonn60 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I don't want to bore you with my story but I just want to open my soul from all the negativity I have in it. My gf broke up with me because she was fed up with me and my "beggings" to her that she should start to contribute more to the relationship we had. 10 months we've been together. Things were pretty damn good at start. Then in january started to heat up, she had for her ex 'unresolved feelings because he cheated on her a lot and she wanted to know why' so she texted him behind my back and after that she told me. Instead of kicking her out, I understood her, talked with her and got passed this thing. But things between us got worse. I just felt that this ex thing was making her distant, because she didn't get any explanation what so. We broke up in march till in april so that she to resolve all her things. She called me to get back together because she missed me, loved me and saw what good of a man I am. Till the end of May things were very nice between us ... Till she started exam period, graduation exams, a lot of stuff. She forgot about our relationship, she forgot about me, making me and relationship a low priority. Even her friends were higher. I started to get frustrated and sad. I transformed in a whiny bitch, getting clingy and annoying because I only wanted her little attention and love, things I was used to. She changed so fast and so worse. But she almost always preferred to get relaxing time with her girls, while putting me away. With me we would argue on every little thing. She just couldn't understand ! She couldn't understand that she was drifting away from me, while I was struggling with my own problems, trying to make her happy, taking care of her needs and so. It made me feel worse and worse every day. But I got more attached to her and more clingy. You would say that I could just leave, I thought about that, but I stayed because I really cared for her and tried to be the perfect boyfriend and BE in her life. She wasn't communicating with me like in past, she was cold, ignorant with me, my feelings, my wishes. We were fighting every day because I was always trying to show to her how her rude actions affect me, but she always gave me the cold shoulder and wouldn't listen. Instead of trying to resolve things as 2 mature people, she was just running away, cursing me, saying she doesnt have time for my bull****, making me feel like ****. I bare with all this negativity. She finished all her things. She still didnt change. The same cold person that she become. She accused me of being a boring, unmanly, annoying person and thats why she doesn't want to see me so often, talk to me a lot, that she is unhappy and fed up .... But when she is ok, she tells me that she loves me and wants the good for us, and that we can go over any bad thing that happens between us. Anyhow, we broke up 4 days ago because of an ugly fight we had. I just couldnt resist with all the hate I had in me. I yelled that she doesnt need a good guy, she needs a bad boy that treats her like **** and she would still go after him, that no one will want such a person with them, that she crushed my feelings and my persona. I yelled A LOT more of ugly things that I bottled up in me. I feel miserable. I put so much feeling in this relationship. I dedicated so much. I changed. I was a super fun guy, outgoing, friendly. When i was single I could have at least 2 girls per day to go out or other things. People respected me. I was super happy !!! Girls liked me a lot. I had friends. I had hobbies. I had things to do, to keep me busy. I was admired. People came to me for advices. Now I am lonely. My phone is not ringing. Friends are fed up with my negativity. I cant talk this up. I transformed in a lifeless person, without friends, a boring guy, suffering and bitching. My mind and heart is full of anger, dissapoint, negative, black feelings. I am truly unhappy. I just want to be ME again. To find myself. I go nuts when I imagine her with some other guy, doing things, even if its not real. I saw her today. She drove away on the opposite side of road. Was with her girls going to the beach. I was lonely in my car driving without a destination. She looked like her life is just ok. I felt miserable. Thanks for reading. Any advices will be listened.
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I hear you man. I hear you. It will take some time. I dated a girl for two years that sucked my happiness from me. My friends stopped calling because they got sick of me saying I couldn't do something. What you need to do is focus on yourself. Look in the mirror (figuratively) and find things you like about yourself. Things you feel positive about. If you see things you hate, that make you angry, that make you sad- you make a plan to change them and then you try. You keep doing this. Call an old friend and see if he wants to grab a drink. Go find something you enjoy doing again, and make a new friend doing it. In little steps, you'll be back to yourself again one day. I promise. Maybe not the exact self, but hell, probably a little better because you know what you want and don't want in life now. 1
empresario Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Another classic 'nice guy'. I don't think you're a bad person, I just think you've made habits of relying on covert contracts and basing your self worth on your partner. I know because I used to be that guy. Like a recovering alcoholic that can see the warning signs in another. Please read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. If the first chapter rings true, read some more. It is a revelation for people that feel like they give more to their relationship than the woman and don't understand why it all comes crashing down. 2
Author Jonn60 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 Thanks for the replies and suggestions. They really help me. My purpose is to find and bring myself back, or even a better, upgraded man. Even if in a lot of moments I feel very down and just go negative as ****, I remember my old life and think what good things can await me. It is very hard, but I know I can get pass it. If anyone has advices, suggestions and so, please, write them down. Will help me a lot. Thanks
GoBlue Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I am sorry brother, but the vibe I get from your post is that this was a doomed relationship from the start. If the two of you were fighting and saying mean things to each other while dating what do you think would happen if things were really serious? It is not an acceptable form of communication to yell and say unkind things to someone you are supposed to "love" just because you are full of "anger and resentment." A relationship is something that two willing partners participate in as an act of their will. The purpose of dating is to find that person whom you can develop a loving relationship that will stand the test of time. If you are with someone who doesn't prioritize the relationship, that's a good indicator that there's not much hope for a long-term commitment. There is no need to get angry, or yell at them, or say unkind things about them. You simply acknowledge that this is not going to work and you move on. Pick yourself up my friend and be alive again. Next time you see her just smile and be kind. Be thankful that you are no longer in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere and set aside your gloom. Everything is going to be fine! 1
dragonfire13 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) A year ago, I was in your shoes.Here's how I coped: - Moved back to my hometown (my job was ending anyway) - Set up a blog - Temped for a while which gave me the opportunity to try out new work environments - Went to Meetup events - was great to meet new people, as well as checking out new joints I didn't know about in my area since I had just moved back. I'm not suggesting you do something as drastic as moving to a different city or town, but trying new things and meeting new people can do wonders when youre in a slump. Sometimes you just need a change of scenery or to meet new faces to restore your faith in people...however, don't use strangers as counsellors as no-one likes a downer. I know it's hard if youre feeling sad, but try to keep the convo light, at least until you get to know people better. Now, I love being single, I love having time to myself and I love the freedom I have to do what I want and Im constantly meeting new people. My old friends let me down too but I learnt a valuable lesson about being my own best friend. I cut out a lot of these mates and I keep my new friendships more casual now. After my last train wreck of a relationship, I actually prefer to be single, at least for now. It's much better than being in a miserable, stressful relationship. So try to focus on the negative aspects of your relationship and you'll realise that there are worse things than being single. Finally, and I know it doesn't feel like it now, you will smile and be happy again one day. Getting older means having to deal with a few bumps in the road (which includes getting your heart broken/losing friends) but I promise you, it will pass :-) There's always the opportunity to meet new people, so just use these experiences to reflect and better yourself as a person so hopefully, your future relationships will be more successful... or at the very least, you learn to identify the types of people to avoid. Edited July 23, 2015 by dragonfire13
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