foolinlove79 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Has anyone on here had a rebound rs? How so you know if you are in one or if its the real deal? Any signs to look for? If you were in one how long did it last and why did it end?
Amas5750 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I think I was the rebound. He was in an unhappy marriage. Separated and went for me for 2 months. Came on very very strong. Sending flowers to my work, caring about my thoughts, calling me all the time... Painted picture of the future so bright. Lasted two months. Then he moved back in with his Ex. Yikes. Red flags would be: the fast pace he came into me, even though he didn't know me well at all. Also, if they have any ties to their ex. Please, please be careful with yourself. Please be a bit sensible.
aloneinaz Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I think you have to subtlety ask good questions when you first start dating someone new. Red flags that you can be a potential REBOUND is if the person is recently out of a relationship. You can figure it out w/how they discuss their last partner. If they are angry with them and discuss them a lot, RED FLAG.. Now, understand that everyone on the dating scene is at some stage of healing from their last relationship. There's going to be a risk of being a rebound as much as there's going to be a risk that it will fail because of compatibility. Risks come with dating, it's part of the territory. 1
Mrin Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I've rebounded. Looking back, I think the red flag in my behavior is exactly what someone else said above - coming on really fast and strong. From a rebounder's point of view it makes total sense. You just gotten out of a LTR or a marriage and don't know any other way to be except full bore. That's what I would look for - going from first date to life partner in 3.6 seconds. 2
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 So what does it mean if you meet someone a couple of weeks out of a ltr. They say they want to take it slow but introduce me to his kids and a few friends. They only see each other really on weekends and occasionally on a week night. Are they being used for sex,?
DoIdeserveThis Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I just realised I was rebound. The thing I regret most now is not listening to my gut feeling at the very beginning. I suggested to my ex to start dating in couple of months, and he laughed at it, and said it's overly precautionary. Now I realise it would save me so much trouble. Rad flags: feeling of anger towards ex, mentioning ex frequently, talking about the marriage and life plans right at the beginning, being euphoric about you being love of his life, speeding up relationship. The biggest red flag in my case was him not wanting to move out from the apartment which is really close to his ex's place, even though he didn't have one solid reason to stay there any longer. So, the advice I would give is if you find out that the person you like was in LTR up till recently, don't start dating immediately. Instead ask for a time to know each other better, to be(come) friends, communicate and connect. If he is genuinely interested in you, he wouldn't mind to wait a bit for you. Meanwhile, you can see where he stands with overcoming the previous relationship and even help him with that. So eventually that 'rebound' can lead to some good place. 1
awkwardme Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I made a post about this but I'll tell you here. I was a rebound to a friend of mine and that was what sucks the most. We were together for 2 months. Didn't think she would do such a selfish thing. We were not even moving fast. We already knew each other for 7 months before we got together. I already met/hung out with her family/friends so there are different situations with rebounding. My mistake/red flag was being with her while she was still friends with her ex and she kept mentioning him to me. If she has to think about who to be with between you and her ex, that's a major red flag. You should never be a choice. She should want to be with you. Try not to let your feelings blind your judgement. If you feel something is wrong, it probably is. I learned that the hard way. Hope this helps you! 2
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 I made a post about this but I'll tell you here. I was a rebound to a friend of mine and that was what sucks the most. We were together for 2 months. Didn't think she would do such a selfish thing. We were not even moving fast. We already knew each other for 7 months before we got together. I already met/hung out with her family/friends so there are different situations with rebounding. My mistake/red flag was being with her while she was still friends with her ex and she kept mentioning him to me. If she has to think about who to be with between you and her ex, that's a major red flag. You should never be a choice. She should want to be with you. Try not to let your feelings blind your judgement. If you feel something is wrong, it probably is. I learned that the hard way. Hope this helps you! I think their ex is always on their mind. I checked their phone and he has sent her a few random messages. But it is not the ex initiating contact it is the person i am seeing. They check their ex facebook page daily And they are not even friends on it.
awkwardme Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I think their ex is always on their mind. I checked their phone and he has sent her a few random messages. But it is not the ex initiating contact it is the person i am seeing. They check their ex facebook page daily And they are not even friends on it. Their ex will always be on their mind. There is no way around a LTR. He should not be seeing her or be texting at all unless its for the kids. Don't be fooled. Look, if you have to ask us about this, I think you have your answer. You need to get out before you are the one left standing alone and hurt. He clearly isn't over her and you really shouldn't be with him at this time. This is hurting you if you stay. He will use you until you're left with just sadness.
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Their ex will always be on their mind. There is no way around a LTR. He should not be seeing her or be texting at all unless its for the kids. Don't be fooled. Look, if you have to ask us about this, I think you have your answer. You need to get out before you are the one left standing alone and hurt. He clearly isn't over her and you really shouldn't be with him at this time. This is hurting you if you stay. He will use you until you're left with just sadness. Yep you are right. He obviously isnt anywhere near over his ex. I wonder if people who start seeing someone shortly after a ltr and are not over their ex realise they will end up hurting the next person or if they do it in the hopes they will forget about their ex. 1
awkwardme Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Yep you are right. He obviously isnt anywhere near over his ex. I wonder if people who start seeing someone shortly after a ltr and are not over their ex realise they will end up hurting the next person or if they do it in the hopes they will forget about their ex. People who do this are just trying to fill a void left by their breakup and they don't care if it comes at your expense. They don't want to be alone so they use the next person they are with until they are satisfied and happy. Then they just dump them and go back to their own lives like you've never existed to them. I've always knew to stay away from someone coming off a LTR but never thought a friend would do the same thing to me. I've learned my lesson and it's time to move on. I hope you can do the same as well and not let him hurt you anymore. 1
DoIdeserveThis Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I wonder if people who start seeing someone shortly after a ltr and are not over their ex realise they will end up hurting the next person or if they do it in the hopes they will forget about their ex. I am pretty sure it doesn't even cross their minds how the whole situation will affect you. They just want to ease the pain and they want it now. They are cowards to cope with their own feelings and they lie to themselves and also to you. I think it's better to not get involved with person who is not true to himself, afraid of unpleasant emotions, sweeping under the carpet, and insensitive or careless about the consequences of his actions. I don't know if it is better if they stay in touch with ex or not, as you never know when will they change their mind. Essentially, it doesn't matter. In my case, my ex broke NC with his ex after our three months relationship, in the middle of our fight, by calling her to ask her to explain to him again why she dumped him. 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I am pretty sure it doesn't even cross their minds how the whole situation will affect you. They just want to ease the pain and they want it now. They are cowards to cope with their own feelings and they lie to themselves and also to you. I think it's better to not get involved with person who is not true to himself, afraid of unpleasant emotions, sweeping under the carpet, and insensitive or careless about the consequences of his actions. Couldnt have said it better myself! To a Tee!! They live in denial and they'll never admit it either. They wont give you any clear explanations as to their feelings or why they came on strong or did any of the things they did. They'll get defensive and they don't want to hear that they hurt you. I have been the rebound girl twice and it's not fun bouncing back from these guys. They are usually pretty charming and seem like nice guys. I have learned my lesson and to find out if there is any ex drama from the beginning! 1
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