awkwardme Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 A long read, sorry. Wanted to include as much detail as I could! I've known this girl for about 7 months, We would hang out twice a month and text one a week but I never had feelings for her. Around the end of May, we started to hang out and for some reason, I saw her in a completely different light. She told me she always had a crush on me when we first met back in October and really liked me. One day she told me she wasn't happy with her boyfriend because they don't communicate and he's very distant with her. He always takes her for granted and never showed interest in the things she loved. They've been on and off for the pass 5 years. Broke up like 4 times but always for a short period. This time she wants to break it off from him for good. She talked to me about it but I never pushed her to do and I wanted to do the right thing and let her figure if that was what she wanted. I just listened to her talk. So one day she told me she finally broke it off with him and he was fine with it because he felt the same way. She and I got closer but all of a sudden after a couple of days, her ex texts her and say he wants her back. We've been hanging out every weekend since she texted him to break things off. On the third weekend, he wanted to see her to get her back. Bought her flowers and even dropped to his knees and begged her, wrote her a letter but she was not having it. Told him she's not in love with him anymore. Next Friday, she is crying and tells me that she wants space. We moved too fast and she wants time to think about her situation between her ex and me. I was hurt but I respected her decision and left her alone. She constantly keeps texting me during this time and in a week she texted me a long message saying she wants to be with me and wanted to see me to talk. I was shady that it was this fast but I decided to hear her out but as soon as I saw her, all those feelings hit me and I had to have her. She told me that she is still friends with this ex and asked if I was okay with it. I told her that I trusted her. I had a bad feeling about this but I thought she would be different because WE WERE FRIENDS!! Anyways, we started to see each other and during this time, she and him was texting back and fourth. He would ask to come chill with her. I just knew this was bad but I didn't want to believe it. So 3 weeks in, she tells me that she wants to bring him to an EDM show (That's what we loved and had a mutual interest in.) and after that, everything changed. She became very distant with me and I called her out on it. She told me she still have feeling for her ex which she thought she didn't anymore. She said she felt she forced this relationship on us and she feels bad because I gave her time to decide. She said she thought she wanted something different with me but it doesn't feel right for her. WTF kind of BS is that... You know why she took him back? He started to show interest in her again and started to like Electronic Music when he would never had given it a shot if I wasn't in the picture because if he wanted to, he would had done all this for her and kept her happy a long time ago. It took me to come along to all of a sudden him becoming prince charming in her eyes. He became everything I was giving and showing her but since they have a history, she picked him. I was so angry and pissed but I take some blame by letting my fondness of her blind me. You know why our relationship felt forced to her... because she never ever gave us a shot at being a couple. I've always felt she had one foot in our relationship and one foot with her ex and I was right. All the signs were there. When we were friends, I was an option and that was completely fine because we were not anything. When we were in this so call "relationship", I was still an option and not a priority. I asked her to go to a carnival/music event with me but she said no because she made plans already but she never told me it was hanging out with her ex. She would never made plans with me. She made plans with her ex over me and would rather take her ex on a 2 day music festival then ask me to go. She would put her best friend first over me but I didn't want to see it even know I felt it in my heart. The worst part about all this, she says she sorry but it doesn't feel like she means it. I just felt she had no more feelings for me when a month ago she cried to me saying she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. I went to get my things from her place and she was a cold hearted little girl. Showed no emotion and from the looks of it, doesn't even give a damn about me anymore. Like I don't even exist. I got played so hard when she told me I was not a rebound and she really liked me for the longest time. I guess everything she ever said to me was a lie. I'm not even hurt as I was the first time she wanted a break because now I see right through her fake self. Lesson learned. Thanks for wasting 2 months of my life. I hope everyone out there reading this doesn't do through this crap. Would love everyones take on this and your rebound experience.
goldway90 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Well you got involved with a girl in LTR (5 years) it was just matter of time before you get hurt. Time for NC and please try to stay away from girls who are in LTR because it will never end well. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Be glad you only were dating/seeing her for 2 months. You HAD to know this wouldn't have a positive ending with her being in a LTR for 5 years and having no time between relationships. It was a classic case of her having her cake and eating it too. It feels GOOD to have two people wanting you and she milked it for as long as she could. Don't tell yourself she "used" you or anything else. That's not the case. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't of spent time w/you. I'm sure she was confused but ultimately, she had 5 years with her BF and she didn't want to give up on that. You got something out of this short time with her too. Don't lose sight of that. Now, you need to vanish from her life. She chose the other guy. Have pride and self respect for yourself and move onto someone else. 2
Gus Grimly Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 That's rough. I understand how you feel. You saw red flags but chose to ignore them because you "trusted" her. Like you I'm the trusting/forgiving sort but it's caused me much hurt in the past. I don't want to put up barriers because people have taken advantage of my trust, neither should you. I think we need to be more aware of when it's appropriate to give out our trust. She was a good friend to you so you were already in a position to give her your heart unconditionally with the expectation the feeling would be reciprocated. She was missing something in her relationship that you were able to provide. So when the time came to fill in the gaps you were there, but once that need was fulfilled she was able to return back to the situation that caused her the initial emptiness to begin with. It's not your fault. She was being selfish and didn't consider your needs, feelings or how it would affect you. Unfortunately, she's not a good friend. True friends don't hurt each other out of selfish convenience. You need to say "goodbye" to her forever. I would block her and go NC. Good luck. 1
Author awkwardme Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 Thanks for your reply everyone! <3 I've already feel better after 1 day of breaking up. I don't plan on contacting her or spying on her because she is dead to me. She would throw away a friendship just like that and not even want to try to talk. She means nothing to me now and just a bad memory. We're still friends with her on Facebook and IG but it doesn't even faze me. I am not going to block her on either because I am taking the high road of showing her it doesn't bother me. I'm going to show her what she's missing out on by having the time of my life with my friends and family. Believe that.
ravfour4 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I don't think you can assume he just started liking electronic music because you did. He realized what about him made her mad and once he knew, he changed. People regret break-ups and are willing to make compromises and sacrifices to get back with them once they understand what went wrong. Especially such a small sacrifice of going to a concert every so often. Moral of the story is - don't get with a girl who's incredibly vulnerable after a LTR, you become a rebound. Don't get with a girl who is vulnerable and still has feelings for her ex and tells you that she's going to continue to talk to him. Don't let emotions cloud obvious logic.
Author awkwardme Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 I don't think you can assume he just started liking electronic music because you did. He realized what about him made her mad and once he knew, he changed. People regret break-ups and are willing to make compromises and sacrifices to get back with them once they understand what went wrong. Especially such a small sacrifice of going to a concert every so often. Moral of the story is - don't get with a girl who's incredibly vulnerable after a LTR, you become a rebound. Don't get with a girl who is vulnerable and still has feelings for her ex and tells you that she's going to continue to talk to him. Don't let emotions cloud obvious logic. No, I didn't mean it that way. I meant he decided to like it after he knew that is a sure way to get her back. It's that he would had never changed at all if I never came around to be with her. 5 years of them being together and never once has he taken an interest in it. Took her for granted for the last year together. Just treated her like a piece a meat. Only saw her when he needed company. She told me she sees that he's wrong for her and he's been taken her for granted for too long and still through all that, she went back to him. I thought I could trust my own friend but obviously that was a wrong decision. I felt that it was wrong but I just didn't think this girl who I've gotten to know over the months was this cruel. I see the signs now that I look back. I remember the things she has told me and I now see that she really is a this girl with a facade.
ravfour4 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 For sure, I happened to be on the flip side of the situation you're discussing. I was the ex the girl kept coming back to and she was probably saying bad things about me to the new guy, but just because the past few months were bad didn't mean that I didn't care about her or that 90% of the relationship wasn't great., once my ex showed she was upset, I realized my mistakes and have grown drastically. I'm just saying that just because someone doesn't change a tiny thing in the relationship doesn't mean they don't care, maybe she was being cryptic about what she wanted or not communicating well or hell, maybe the guy was a jerk. But people can change and it's not always just a ploy to get their ex back, they realize they could have and should have cared more and/or they realized how much they truly care about this person.
Author awkwardme Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 I know, I understand your point but in her situation, she tells him to hang out with her more and see her friends and get to know her family. He will agree but never talk to them or get to know them or he will cancel last minute. For the months I've known her and her friends of years, have never met this guy. They broken up multiple times before for weeks and/or months but he always came back to her with vows to change and be the guy she wants and yet, he goes right back to his old ways and ignoring her all over again. She still took him back because now I realized that she just doesn't want to be lonely and always seeking for attention. This is was one of the signs I should had seen but choose not to. 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 at the end of the day the people who are rebounding are selfish. It's irresponsible to put an innocent person in the line of fire. They are bound to get hurt. These people are careless and they don't consider anyone's feelings. I don't think they even know how to. They underestimate their capacity to give to someone. They come on strong and it's like this ego/power thing for them. Once they have you, they cut you loose. I just don't understand why these people need the urge to meet someone to fill a void. Figure out what your void is on your own and deal with it. Don't use good people just so you can temporarily get your fix and dispose of them. I'm so tired of being the rebound girl. Then when you confront them about it forget it. They don't want to hear a THING from you. I'm the crazy one. Sorry for venting! 1
ravfour4 Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I agree with Bri, but the person on the other side should also not take advantage of someone who's an emotional mess. I've had girls come onto me right after getting out of a relationship and I wanted nothing to do with it, I felt guilty having some girl love everything I said just because she was super sad and emotionally vulnerable. It's easy to fall into the trap and love it, but I've tried to avoid being a rebound like the plague.
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