BlackGoaty Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I broke up with ex 2 months ago, yes, I'm the dumper, but, after all the analysing that I had, I felt that, I only said out the words for her, so theoretically, I'm the dumper and practically, she's the one that "dumped" me way before I said it out I guess. We were together for 3 over years, dated for 6 months (both of us were recovering from a breakup and I insisted on dating for a longer period of time before fully comitting ourselves) and officially got together when one fine day she said, its now or never. So we officially got together after 6 months of dating. Our first two years together was great except for the past year where I was resolving family issues, work problems and spent less quality time with her, the sex went down the hill too as I was too caught up with so many problems and everything just went downhill from there. I was also at a cross road where I don't know what I want in life, to move on, work issues etc and I was so exhausted from all of it, I needed my space and time, so I retreated into my own world. However, that doesnt mean I don't love her anymore. Of course, we still did couple's stuff, meeting up, movies, chatting everyday, going on holiday every 2-3 months but the sparks is no longer there cos' I really wasnt there in the relationship. We had 2 near breakups during the year but it was all resolved by talking about it and saying that we both agreed to put in more efforts and yet I didnt put in any effort at all and she did what she could until both of us were so distanced from each other. We may be seeing each other very often but you know...the hearts are distanced. Being ever sensitive and intuitive guy that I am, I broke up with her when I found out she has been going out with this guy and I could sense that I have lost her already then. You know...the usual emotions and heartache after a breakup, I called her the next day and wanted to have another chance to make our relationship work again. However, she was really angry and told me she's very numbed and would want to be left alone for the time being and she's happy for now being alone and with her friends. I swallowed my ego and pride and begged and cried for her to give me another chance but she wouldnt hear of it. So I went into NC and broke it a few times. I broke NC a week ago to chat with her on NC. Just saying hi and ask if she would be free for coffee a week or so later (she replied that she will do a raincheck on that as she have lessons at school, we had a chance to catch up but I blew it!). We had a nice convo but temptation got the better of me and with all her profile on friendster and weblog that she seems to have someone new in her life. So I asked her if she's seeing someone now. Everything came crashing down. Here's a part of the dialogue she said to me: - Its great to find someone who could give me what I wanted. It's all very simple, but sometimes its hard to find. - I don't know what to say BG, but im like so happy with my life now. Whatever it was/is between us, I think its a good lesson for both of us. - heh...whatever it is.. just remember to treasure what you have and treasure the person next to you. Only by losing something precious, you then realise your mistakes. Sometimes it's too late to mend any broken pieces. Not any girl will have the patience. - You should always treasure and show the person you love @ that moment, NOT realising it after you lose her. So sorry, but I have never felt that way with you...for the last 1/2 yr to me, I was attached for 2 yrs, and single for the last year. End of the day, all a girl wants is a sense of security, someone to protect her. I totally have zero feelings. - Like i said, i wanted simple stuff from a relationship > Sense of security. It feels f^&king good to go shopping and know that nobody can bully/pick you up cos a lover is beside you protecting you. - I hope you understand what i mean. It's the thing of 'totally belonging to someone" someone's property or whatever you call it. One entity. Not being by yourself ALL THE TIME. Not going out with your friends and thinking that you have a better time with them because yr friends will give you more attention. - Whatever it is, i hope you will treasure your next girlfriend more. and learn some lessons.. and know what to avoid. oh well, move on. Life still has to go on. So our convo ended with me saying: I guess i wont be seeing you around then. Well, here's the song for you in your mailbox (A song by Chicago Look Away). I'm giving my blessings to both of you. Wishing you and him happy always. I know from the convo, she thinks that its all my fault for neglecting her, I guess its easier this way. I know she still care for me, maybe in a friend way as she asked me How am I feeling these days. I know the right thing to do is to continue with NC, perhaps I just need more encouragement and advice or whatever to knock me off my senses. I know I cannot maintain a friendship with her now, but at the same, I really want to be a friend and still be in her life. I know 2 months is not long compared to some others or even yourself...but sigh....just kinda lost track cos im missing her alot now. I read No Foolin's advice on past behaviour, I think it is so true. 3 years of relationship and she was able to move on to someone new in less than a weeks' time. In her previous relationship, she 'broke' off with the ex 6 months prior to officially breaking up which was when she met me. So now im in the ex's shoes. Any comments? I would love to hear your comments as this is what gets me through for the last 2 months. Some female's perspective would be great too for me to understand why my ex could move on so fast.
XNemesisX Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Hey BlackGoaty~ Well first of all I don't see how she could be over you in just a few weeks time. I just don't see how it is possible unless she emotionally detached herself from you loooong ago (which is possible). If this is the case, perhaps this other guy came into her life while you and her were still together and she may have already started transferring her feelings to him instead. It's very common to hear an ex blame you for all the problems or the end of the relationship. What people need to realize is that it's usually never any one person's fault. It just happens and well...if what I mentioned above is not the case then this guy could just be a rebound or a way to get back at you or make you jealous, get a rise out of you. Either way, it sounds like she doesn't want you to talk to her right now, and she wants you to suffer. If you really want her back and you want to make things up to her, then go ahead and accept responsibility for the things she said(I know this sounds bad, but we women want apologies even if it was partly our fault! ) Also, I would say act fast and do what you need to do to get back in her good graces (if it's still possible that is - only you can know). IF you want her back, the longer you wait the worse the situation will become and the more awkward it will become. (trust me on this one).
BlackGoaty Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Hi XNemesisX, Sorry for the double post, this one here was when I haven't registered. The registered post is here which I have replied. Would you mind posting your reply over there so I can reply over that thread.
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