Sometimes it hurts so much I find it hard to breathe. No contact 29 days in.

[JennaD]

We all write on these forums looking for what we want to hear or what we believe to be the right answer. Whatever makes us feel better to get through the night or maybe even the next day. It's been 5 weeks since my breakup and as much as I try to move on and do all the things everyone tells you you are suppose to do after a breakup nothing changes. It's like I am stuck in a frozen purgatory.

 

I do things to get my mind off of him. I talk to a therapist. I do the work I need to do for myself. It's been 29 days since we last spoke and I haven't heard a work. I thought going no contact would change the circumstance and he would miss me just as much as I miss him but my hope is turning to unrequited.

 

I miss him everyday. Some days are better than others. He was so kind and caring towards me but once we fought and he engaged his friends in the matter it was over like a switch. He made the decision. When he broke up with me he told me he loves me but because we fought the relationship was unhealthy. I'm having trouble understanding that if you love someone (and I was the only one to say it back to him he told me) why was what we had so easy to give up instead putting the work in and becoming stronger.

 

He said he ran out of chances and with his friend and his brother telling him it was unhealthy it doesn't make it any easier. I don't think this is where we are meant to be.

[Poppyolive]

That's tough. Break ups really suck. How long were you both together? How old are both of you?

 

Sadly, you can't make someone want you. All the ifs, buts, questions and love mean nothing when one has pulled away. Him breaking up with you is him saying he doesn't want to make it work. That is a hard pill to swallow.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. You need to be kind to yourself and begin to heal. You've made the first step with no contact.

 

This will pass

[Learningtowalkagain]

I don't know your exact situation, but you're obviously having second thoughts. When my ex and I broke up in October she drunk textd me one night "so easy to let me go". We got back together in December and a small part of January then called it quits again. If it's over because he's with someone else or he thought there were problems he couldn't overcome (again you were very vague about the breakup) then I don't think it would be the worse idea to reach out to him. Don't sound pathetic or eager, just a casual "just wondering how you've been" or something like that would suffice. Go from there. Good luck.

[JennaD]

We are both 30.

 

A couple days after the breakup we met up for a drink. He said I hurt him with the fights and he needs space. That we can go out as friends but he isn't promising anything else. I asked if we could slowly date and continue to get to know each other and he said he needs some time before that. His friends have accused me of making fake online accounts and are making me out to be something I'm not.

 

If he wanted to talk to me he would. If he wanted to see me he would.

 

We will both be going back to get our masters this fall at the same school.

Edited July 23, 2015 by JennaD

[Poppyolive]

What were the fights about? Often? Heated? Have you both tried to work them out when you were together?

 

He knows where you stand. He knows what you'd like. Leave it as that. Keep strong on the NC please. Especially if he's friends are accusing you of fake profiles etc...just disappear for a while.

[JennaD]

will disappearing get him back?

[Poppyolive]

Disappearing from the scene will help you.

 

Will it bring him back, push him away...I don't know. You need to take him at his word. Hes hurt and doesn't want a relationship. Playing games will only hurt you.

 

Maybe you could plan a trip for yourself? Music festival? Do something nice all for you.

[mightycpa]

When he broke up with me he told me he loves me but because we fought the relationship was unhealthy.

Jenna, re-read this. How ****ed up is that? I mean really? You can't fight?

 

On the one hand, if you're young, it was inevitable you were going to fight over little bull**** and somebody was going to mess it up. But unhealthy?

 

No. You just have to learn how to fight in good faith, meaning for what you want, instead of against your BF.

 

In a way, he was probably right, but not the way he thought. You are probably the winner in this exchange.

[JennaD]

Thank you Gus that means a lot to me!

[darkbloom]

It will get a lot better. I promise. But think of it this way: if you have to use silence as a way to manipulate somone into wanting to be with you, it probably isn't meant to be.

 

29 days is not that long. It will probably be closer to 3 months before you start to feel better. I was miserable the first 3 months of NC. I am at 7 months now and it's much better now. Also, protip, don't try and be friends with him. That will only make it worse.

[aloneinaz]

will disappearing get him back?

 

 

 

Jenna, right now you're thinking w/your heart and not your brain. What we be different if you got him back? Would you be kissing his butt and letting him do whatever so you didn't fight again? Would you be walking around on egg shells waiting for him to bolt again?

 

 

Stay NC so you can heal. Don't spy on him on social media nor hear what he's up to from others. Worry about you moving on to a guy that you're compatible with.