Puppet Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Its been a couple of months since his wife learnt of the affair. MM is staying with her, but is feeding her lies and contacts me to tell her what I should say to her. I don't want to lie to her, and told her the truth. Anyways, there was a public confrontation and he blatantly lies to her in front of me and tells me in front of her that he hates me etc. Then he calls me up to say he didn't hate me etc etc..... Apparantly he is waiting for the affair to blow over so we can resume. I don't want to ressume as I have woken up to the liar and manipulater he is. Also I am so ashamed that I too believed his lies and let myself fool myself into thinking the long term affair was justified. His W is traumatized and being lied to still, I've been used and lied too, he is doing all he can to calm the waters on both sides of his fence. I want out. No more EVER. I want to write him a letter, to say how I want nothing to do with him, how I've come to realize that all he did, I did and that he continues to do is WRONG. I want to write it in a way that tells him no more, but that doesn't hurt his wife if she should intercept it. I feel bad for my role and the way I have hurt her. I can't tell her the truth about what he is up to, as she would never believe me. Should I just continue to ignore all contact from him, or should I write him the letter. I really don't want to walk away and heal whilst knowing that he will pursue me once again when he thinks the coast is clear. Does these ramblings make any sense? Should I write a letter? What would I say???
forms Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I can't believe that intercepting a letter from you to him saying that he is never to contact you again will hurt her. She probably wants very much to believe that you have broken it off with him. So it should actually comfort her. If you also want to say that he is a two-faced louse for saying in front of her that he hates you, but then contacts you secretly later, that would be okay too. If she intercepts that, she will have to believe that he's doing it, and will deal with it as she sees fit. However, don't think a letter is going to stop him. The only way to really break it off is just to have no contact. Action not words. He will push and push until he's convinced you have no intention of giving in--then he will find another woman to cheat with. But that won't be your problem.
whichwayisup Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I agree with forms. My thoughts? His wife is devastated anyway. You might as well TELL ALL get it all out there. If she believes, she does, you have no control over that. You owe him nothing and she deserves to know everything. I bet she wants to know too, even if it comes from you. If he contacts you in the future, then get a restraining order. Change your phone number, block his email addy and IM Identity. YOU don't have to fall back into the trap with him. I really don't want to walk away and heal whilst knowing that he will pursue me once again when he thinks the coast is clear. Walk away anyway. Who cares if he comes looking for you in 6 months to a year...Hopefully he won't be in your head/heart anymore. Be strong, get some councilling if you need help to cope with this. Just don't allow him back into your life. Hang in there.
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