Sunshine89 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Wall of text warning! Hey guys, just went through a breakup of a short relationship and I'm just REALLY confused. My ex and I dated for a month and a half. We both (I thought) really liked eachother and enjoyed each others company. I'm a rape and abuse victim, and I warned him when we discussed becoming official that dating me was going to come with some challenges. That being said, he sat down with me and vowed that he wanted to be by my side during this process and that I had nothing to worry about. I wasn't even sure it was a good idea for us to be official just yet, but he pushed for it, and I decided to give it a shot. Now, that being said, he broke up with me Friday night. Everything had been fine (I thought), and we were going out as usual. He was completely weird all night, and wouldn't talk to me about anything except work, and was very unresponsive. I was incredibly worried (because he's not usually like that), and asked him if he was ok. He told me that work had been really hard that day. I accepted it and we went bowling. He barely acted like he was having any fun, and wouldn't go out of his way to kiss me or hold my hand. I had to initiate. He cut our date short, saying he wanted to go home since he wasn't feeling well. I was really disappointed. When we pulled in front of my house, I finally confronted him about his behavior. That's when he let me know that for the past week, he had been concerned about our relationship. He felt like, because his feeling weren't increasing for me (they'd leveled out) that this wasn't working. I was stunned. A week? That's literally a blip on the map time wise. People take longer to choose an apartment! He was crying as he was breaking up with me, and held my hand through the whole thing. It was SO WEIRD. We decided to try and remain friends, but I can honestly say I have no idea why he dumped me out of the blue. When we talked on the phone about everything, he insisted that I'd done and said nothing wrong, that it really was him and that he was really concerned that he couldn't feel the feelings he thought he should. He told me I was beautiful, funny, smart, and amazing. He even sounded upset when he said we could've had a fairytale. He said he doesn't know if he's going to date for a while, because he has some serious thinking he needs to do. Honestly, throughout this whole conversation, I just kept thinking "If all of that is true...why aren't we dating right now?". It definitely didn't help that my friend said she saw that he'd reactivates his OkCupid profile. We ended the conversation on a good note, and are going NC for the next 3 weeks and will then touch base to see how we still feel. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this whole situation. It's sad because I'd started developing feelings for him, and really enjoyed his company! I liked him as a person, and looked forward to seeing him. It doesn't get much deeper than that a month in....did he expect it to be something more serious so soon? If so, that's literally insane. I'm bummed because it was so sudden, and because he vowed to me it was going to be ok....that I could trust him. He's the first person I've slept with since the assault, and honestly I just feel really used and lied to. One week he's sending me flowers just because and the next week he's breaking up with me. What gives?
goldway90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Maybe he's feeling changed, it happens all the time. Break up ( out of the bleu) also happens or he knew he wouldn't be there for you in the long run you'll never know really.. I'd say since you can't handle being friends with him ( your feelings for him) it's for the best to take some time apart. I'm sorry for what happened to you because of the abuse, but are you in therapy?
clam Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Well, he made it pretty clear that he does not have romantic feelings for you. I'm sure it hurts to hear that, but you should accept his explanation at face value. He even said he wishes things were different, that he felt differently about you. You can't force chemistry and spark. He's just not feeling it for you. Be thankful that he is being honest and move on. I'm afraid you've just been "friend-zoned." 1
mightycpa Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 You started being official too early, just like you said at the outset. It was just that this time, giving in backfired on you. I think that your history and whatever didn't matter. His feelings started to fizzle, and he was your boyfriend, so he had to get out. If you had just been dating casually, he might have hung in there for a while, and things might have been different. Lesson learned? That's up to you. 1
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