Boyfriend doesn't think there's room for compromise over me going out with friends.

[elaine567]

The guy has let you know he's not happy with the situation and wants to break up. What you do is let him go his way.

 

YES.

 

After 5.5 years and moving in together, he is looking for commitment from you, wife material, serious stuff.

YOU instead are ramping up the partying, as you are young (22) and why not?

 

Neither of you is wrong per se, but you now both want different things from life , hence you need to go your separate ways.*

 

Do not waste your youth who someone you probably do not really love anymore, who blows up your phone regularly, demands you stay in, expects you to dump your friends and has a porn habit that is ruining your sex life.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/523006-i-don-t-think-i-m-love-my-boyfriend-anymore-but-i-m-scared-losing-him#post6252454

 

 

(*HS romances rarely make it.

People grow up and they find they have different expectations from life and so split.)

[d0nnivain]

They have been together 5.5 YEARS but now that they live together she goes out more often. This isn't just on him. His refusal to compromise is problematic but her behavior isn't exactly helping this situation.

[Anderlie]

I don't think getting out and enjoying life during a carefree summer is a big deal, it's not like OP is doing it year round. Why is she the bad guy for changing things up temporarily yet the tantrum he's throwing over a temporary situation is ok?

 

OP he's told you there will be no compromise on this - even some of the very good ideas that have been offered will evidently not be enough for this guy. He demands total compliance and for you to dump all your friends and outside activities, this is not ok. It's actually really immature, controlling and terrible. Just because he has no friends and no life doesn't mean he gets to make you the total focal point of his world. Honestly I'm not surprised he doesn't have any friends, he sounds godawful.

[Friskyone4u]

Compromise is necessary in all aspects of ones life and that includes BOTH of you. He is being unreasonable hating your friends and not wanting you to see them . But you need to also understand why you feel a need to be hanging around bars and clubs 5 nights a week or whatever it is .

 

Maybe if your friends and you were doing things other than that he might change his tune . And whether or not you are encouraging guys that hit on you , you might want to ask yourself why in a supposedly committed relationship you cannot find some other things tondo with your friends that he might do or be less uncomfortable with .

 

He needs to ask himself why exactly is he being this way but I'm tired of this concept that every man that does not want his wife or girlfriend constantly in places where guy are there try to do nothing but get in your pants is some kind of moron . Would you want him in a strip club 5-7'nights a week with his friends ??? And if he is he is being totally a moron.

 

I'm sorry . Having friends to do stuff with IS necessary and healthy . It's what you do with them that maybe needs some adjustment .

[kendahke]

My boyfriend gets upset that I'm "leaving him" because he has nothing to do when I'm gone,

 

This is manipulative. You're not leaving him. You're going out to meet up with your friends for a few hours. You'll be back later on. If you were leaving him, your bags would be packed and you'd be handing him the keys to the flat.

 

Is he often this hysterical when he can't get his way?

[LookAtThisPOst]

There are 7 days in a week. Before you lived with him you saw friends 2-3 times a week leaving 4-5 days for your BF Now that you live together you go out with friends more, the majority of the week. I can see where your BF feels that he is less of a priority.

 

Totally agree...

 

I have to say, 3 to 4 times a week is a little too much to be spending time with other friends as most couples I know, though they have friends like yours, well....to them familiarity breeds contempt.

 

Also, esp. with social circles...when people couple up, the tend to spend less time (esp. 3 to 4 times) a week with friends, maybe once every couple of weeks.

 

Sometimes I would ask, "Hey, where did Bill and Sue go" when at a move get together. They'd be like "They are out of town" or "They are spending time with one of their relatives" Which is usually the case with coupled up people.

 

It eventually gets to a point where one may even expect the other to spend more time with them, and less time with friends, and you may want to tone it down from 3 to 4 times a week...heck, I'm lucky if I get together with friends ONCE a week. LOL

 

 

We've been together 5 and 1/2 years, but lately, things have gone downhill. We never fight, but our only issue has revolved around me going out with friends.

 

Before we lived together, I went out maybe twice a week, and it was never a problem to him. Currently, it's still summertime, so with no school to occupy my time at the moment, I like to grab a beer with my friends for a few hours. Now, I maybe meet up with my friends 3/4 times a week.

My boyfriend gets upset that I'm "leaving him" because he has nothing to do when I'm gone, but he doesn't like going out places or hanging out with friends and expects me to do the same. Lately, I've found some independence and confidence, and I think he's scared that other guys will hit on me (even though I turn all the guys that hit on me down). He can be very mean and will put down my friends, as if we're always doing something immoral when we're together. He claims I'm not being productive or doing anything useful with myself, but when I do bring up productive things I've been working on lately, I get a snarky comment like, "I highly doubt that."

 

I've tried to compromise with him by doing dinner, a movie, etc. with him for a few hours before I go off to do anything else, but he told me that's not good enough. He says that in some situations, there shouldn't be room for compromise. He gave me an ultimatum stating that I had to choose between him and my friends, but I don't think that's fair. He also tried to argue that this wasn't an ultimatum.

I've tried to explain that when school starts back, I'll be extremely busy and won't have time to see my friends, so right now, I'm just enjoying myself. Despite me insisting that I'm the same person, and despite us having a great time together when we're alone, he insists that I've changed for the worse and refuses to work anything out with me until "I change my ways."

 

He is adamantly stubborn about his position on this. The past few weeks, we've been spending time apart, but he called me yesterday and wants to break up because of this. I've tried to explain that just because he doesn't get enjoyment from the activities that I do doesn't make them wrong and doesn't mean we should break up over it, but he disagrees. What do I do? Can I fix it?