Why is he still on my mind grrrrrr!!!!

[Mollycoddle75]

I am in a lovely new relationship for 3months now with a wonderful man. He's great in everyway, I love being with him and when I'm not with him I can't wait to see him, plan things with him etc. So why why why does my narcisstic ex still occupy a good deal of my thinking? When we broke up we hadn't had sex for a year, he said he'd lost his sex drive due to antidepressants but would constantly try and wind me up about it, saying " I bet you'd love it etc etc, I won't take my shirt off incase you get excited and think you are getting it etc" He'd say it all in a jokey manner and id just laugh it off to save upsetting him, because if i wasn't finding him funny or being mrs Jester, he'd be saying, why have you got a face like a slapped arse, you're insecure etc etc etc. Id try and rekindle our relationship with fun if I felt myself getting dragged down. One time I asked him if he'd like a weekend away like we had when we first met, he said "yer if ya want" then rang me up the next day singing with excitement that he'd booked a holiday abroad.....for just HIMSELF! I didn't say anything except for "oh that'll be nice" and he had a head fit and said that I was obv not happy about it so he wouldn't dare mention it again!! Eventually even though I stopped tackling things with him and put on my happy face when he was around, i did naturally feel myself getting low and after a close family member died and i was left grieving and he decided not to bother me or see me. He couldn't handle me not being there with bells on to enterain him, so dumped me by text. I didn't fight it, or argue, I knew in my heart that this was going to be for the best and that'd hed only ever cause me frustration and heartache. I felt relief that he had done it and not me as I didn't trust my judgement on anything at this point so I knew I'd probably regret it. Anyway ever since then, he hasn't ever asked me back but he keeps saying he misses me, I'm the best person he's ever met, he was so happy when he was with me, and trying to get me to reminise about the good times. I don't want him back, god I couldn't go through that again. He let me out and I ran. But i wish he didn't still have this was of every now and then popping up in my life and reminding me of the good times. There was some but mostly there was me looking confused and treading on eggshells so i didn't get the silent treatment. I feel guilty to my new partner that I think about my ex sometimes, is this normal. I don't want him but he still affects me if that makes sense. Any advice would be great. x

[La.Primavera]

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. It is fantastic that you have found yourself a nice guy now but you are still dealing with the damage of your last relationship. I'm sure you are feeling all sorts of emotions as a result of it.

 

It will take time to work through all of that emotional baggage. Your ex did a number on your head. The way he treated you was absolutely appalling. The only thing that I can think of that would make your situation easier is if you have zero contact with your ex. You don't need to hear that he misses you. It is completely unnecessary to hear that. He misses having someone to emotionally abuse and bully, remember that. You don't need him anymore.

 

You deserve happiness and peace. Blocking contact will be the best way to start the process of healing. Once you have found that peace, you won't think about him as much anymore.

 

All the best.

[aloneinaz]

X2 on having NO contact w/him, what-so-ever. If you're responding to him at all, you're only feeding his narcissistic ego.

 

 

Want to move on w/him fading from you memory? NC and block him on everything.

[mightycpa]

But i wish he didn't still have this was of every now and then popping up in my life and reminding me of the good times.

This is going to sound a little harsh, but you need to stop wishing and start telling him to **** off and go away.

 

Yes, that's right.

 

**** off, and go away.

 

Tell him that, and you'll be well on your way to him letting you heal from this residual dysfunctional thing you described. Unfortunately for Mr. Wonderful, I think he probably met you at the wrong time. But that's another post.