Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Good news for those of us who feel dating is all about looks. We are wrong! Science says your personality (over time) can help you land that hottie. “Perceptions of mate value change the more time that people spend together,” said Lucy Hunt, a graduate student who published the study last year with Paul Eastwick, an assistant professor of human development and family sciences. “Sometimes you get that Seth Rogen happy story, where an unattractive person comes to seem more attractive to one person in particular,” Ms. Hunt said. “But the opposite is just as likely to happen, too. Someone can become less attractive.” These changes in attitudes, Dr. Eastwick noted, should mean that there are fewer losers in the mating game, because everyone isn’t vying for the same Mr. or Ms. Right. “As the consensus about who is attractive declines, competition should decline, because the person I think is especially desirable might not be the person you think is especially desirable,” he said. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/30/science/for-couples-time-can-upend-the-laws-of-attraction.html?WT.mc_id=2015-JULY-KWP-INTL_AUD_DEV-0629-0802&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=IntlAudDev&kwp_0=23321&kwp_4=156267&kwp_1=163885&_r=1 5
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Ever notice that articles tend to come out that always counter an article that says otherwise. I especially have noticed this with health/medical related articles that headline, "Hey, Big Mac and Whopper actually may be GOOD for you!" Good news for those of us who feel dating is all about looks. We are wrong! Science says your personality (over time) can help you land that hottie. “Perceptions of mate value change the more time that people spend together,” said Lucy Hunt, a graduate student who published the study last year with Paul Eastwick, an assistant professor of human development and family sciences. “Sometimes you get that Seth Rogen happy story, where an unattractive person comes to seem more attractive to one person in particular,” Ms. Hunt said. “But the opposite is just as likely to happen, too. Someone can become less attractive.” These changes in attitudes, Dr. Eastwick noted, should mean that there are fewer losers in the mating game, because everyone isn’t vying for the same Mr. or Ms. Right. “As the consensus about who is attractive declines, competition should decline, because the person I think is especially desirable might not be the person you think is especially desirable,” he said. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/30/science/for-couples-time-can-upend-the-laws-of-attraction.html?WT.mc_id=2015-JULY-KWP-INTL_AUD_DEV-0629-0802&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=IntlAudDev&kwp_0=23321&kwp_4=156267&kwp_1=163885&_r=1
Author Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Ever notice that articles tend to come out that always counter an article that says otherwise. I especially have noticed this with health/medical related articles that headline, "Hey, Big Mac and Whopper actually may be GOOD for you!" You can always refer to the original scientific study and see if the science is convincing to you. Fact is, most articles demonstrate convincingly that a Big Mac and a Whopper aren't good for you. The two scientific studies cited in this New York Times article (a credible source) demonstrate that spending time with someone can increase or decrease how attractive you find people.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You can always refer to the original scientific study and see if the science is convincing to you. Fact is, most articles demonstrate convincingly that a Big Mac and a Whopper aren't good for you. The two scientific studies cited in this New York Times article (a credible source) demonstrate that spending time with someone can increase or decrease how attractive you find people. Don't worry, the will eventually come out with an article...somewhere, stating that greasy foods are good for you. It's really just click bait.
casey.lives Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 It's not the more time people spend together but the more they get to know each other.
Author Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Don't worry, the will eventually come out with an article...somewhere, stating that greasy foods are good for you. It's really just click bait. Apart from "science can't be trusted", what is your main issue with their finding: that personality can make someone seem more or less attractive over time? 1
endlessabyss Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Don't worry, the will eventually come out with an article...somewhere, stating that greasy foods are good for you. It's really just click bait. I was about to post something similar lol. There's a scientific study for everything. The more you spend time with someone, the more likely you'll develop a friendship. Attraction is short lived. If you don't act on it quick it will flame out.
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think we're a long ways from this becoming reality. I still can't believe the what I saw on match.com when I looked at ladies height requirement, I thought this short guy thing was all in these guys heads. I will never poke fun at another frustrated short guy again. Lol 1
endlessabyss Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think we're a long ways from this becoming reality. I still can't believe the what I saw on match.com when I looked at ladies height requirement, I thought this short guy thing was all in these guys heads. I will never poke fun at another frustrated short guy again. Lol Internet dating is a graveyard for short guys lol. It's a cold world with no jacket.
Author Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 So what is stopping any of you from building the kind of real life networks where you would get to know women/men over time?
endlessabyss Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So what is stopping any of you from building the kind of real life networks where you would get to know women/men over time? The only realistic place of this happening is work, for older folks. Networks are extremely difficult to build, or weasel your way into.
Author Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 The only realistic place of this happening is work, for older folks. Networks are extremely difficult to build, or weasel your way into. What about hobbies?
ThaWholigan Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 This thread is shaping up to be a perfect example of how people hold onto "comfortable" negative perceptions of reality so strongly that they will reject any theory that goes against it . For a number of people, the article may well represent truth - for some it may not. But of course, it's all about looks folks 3
endlessabyss Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 What about hobbies? Too many variables involved. It really all depends on the frequency you see a certain person, as well as the selection pool. Everyone knows as you get older relationships are way tougher to build. With work, kids, and other responsibilities, people don't have a lot of time to form new relationships.
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So what is stopping any of you from building the kind of real life networks where you would get to know women/men over time? I think the issue is people's POV. I think a lot of people look at the whole thing like people should do that so I can date them. Not I should do that so they can date me. 1
xxoo Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 The only realistic place of this happening is work, for older folks. Networks are extremely difficult to build, or weasel your way into. School is the biggest opportunity ever! I see people around me meeting partners through work connections in all decades of life. Just learned of this new IRL dating relationship: Two men I know, in 20s, are coworkers/friends. One married, one single. They go out with groups of friends. Single guy is now dating a friend of the other guy's wife. 1
endlessabyss Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 This thread is shaping up to be a perfect example of how people hold onto "comfortable" negative perceptions of reality so strongly that they will reject any theory that goes against it . For a number of people, the article may well represent truth - for some it may not. But of course, it's all about looks folks All based on personal experiences, big fella.
Author Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Too many variables involved. It really all depends on the frequency you see a certain person, as well as the selection pool. Everyone knows as you get older relationships are way tougher to build. With work, kids, and other responsibilities, people don't have a lot of time to form new relationships. As someone who moved to my current location at the age of 35 not knowing a soul, I have to disagree. Fortunately, it is still possible to build relationships and make new friends even as you get older. 2
Author Kamille Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 This thread is shaping up to be a perfect example of how people hold onto "comfortable" negative perceptions of reality so strongly that they will reject any theory that goes against it . For a number of people, the article may well represent truth - for some it may not. But of course, it's all about looks folks I read it more as a tension between who are saying: I don't want to change and people who are open to opportunities for growth. I tend to be of the latter kind, but I don't actually believe there is anything wrong with the former - as long as they don't then end up complaining about their situation. 1
carhill Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I never felt dating was all, or even mostly, about looks, as described by physical beauty, but rather saw successful dating as a function of sexual attractiveness, of which physical appearance is a part. Having roamed the 'getting to know' shoulder's of the dating highway for many years, nearly two decades actually, no successful relationship or dating experience ever resulted for myself from 'getting to know' women, either tangentially through activities or within social groups, of which I had plenty. However, I did make and maintain some wonderful friendships. The key lay in sexual attractiveness. I came to, over time, understand that window was generally very brief and of course completely opaque to myself since I can't read minds. That said, with more universally attractive looks, the windows of opportunity both widen and the dependence upon the vagaries of personality, which are largely unquantifiable and constantly changing, lessens, leaving fewer opportunities to stumble while winding through the often circuitous getting to know process. The best results came from immediate expression of attraction, generally unilaterally (meaning I found a lady attractive, didn't examine if the reverse was true, and asked her out) and getting to know the lady while dating and mating with her and becoming friends as well as lovers down the road. Out of curiosity, I've tried the theory out since getting divorced and, true to form, I have no problem making wonderful female friends, even at my advanced age, but there's nothing sexual there, rather getting to know in the absence of sexual attraction. I accept that's but one speck of sand on the beach of human experience but it is my speck of sand and the results have been pretty clear. Sure, I've had girlfriends and been married but it's never been from getting to know anyone and them seeing the beauty of my personality. YMMV!
endlessabyss Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 As someone who moved to my current location at the age of 35 not knowing a soul, I have to disagree. Fortunately, it is still possible to build relationships and make new friends even as you get older. Isn't like that where I reside. I guess we can agree to disagree.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 The world and this forum have plenty of guys hoping to make it out of the friend zone and women trying to make it out of the FWB zone. The vast majority of these people fail. Their person of desire doesn't just one day change their mind. Sure it happens on occasion but I wouldn't bet on it. Seth Rogen is not an unattractive guy. He is a little goofy looking sometimes (especially when he has got the extra weight) but that goes with his whole pot head nature. The pictures of him in decent shape are above average IMO.
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Isn't like that where I reside. I guess we can agree to disagree. Where do you stay, are you in the northwest?
jay1983 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 As someone who moved to my current location at the age of 35 not knowing a soul, I have to disagree. Fortunately, it is still possible to build relationships and make new friends even as you get older. I think location plays a part. One lady told me she bought a ranch in Oregon and it took 5 years for people to even talk to her.
carhill Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think location plays a part. One lady told me she bought a ranch in Oregon and it took 5 years for people to even talk to her. Yes, when drilling down to specifics, demographics loom large. Where I've been for 56 years, absent a very brief period from sexual maturity (age 14 or so for me) to age 18-19, women were, and continue to be, single so briefly that there is never any time to 'get to know' them. Again, the more universally attractive one is as a man, the wider that window of opportunity grows during that very brief time the lady is single. For a lesser attractive man, relative to the instant draw of sex through appearance, he has practically zero time to assess and put his best foot forward with both appearance and 'game' and his personality; fuggetabout a more leisurely 'getting to know' dynamic. Most men 'get to know' women while the women are married, then nail them when it seems the marriage has gone a bit south, not to be confused with separation or divorce. A guy 'getting to know' doesn't stand a chance in that scenario, hence my involvement over the decades with MW's. Move the scenario to a more transient, populous, urban environment and experience can change markedly. I saw this vividly when dating internationally. There was plenty of time to get to know women where I was looking because males were in short supply and, yup, my status as an American made me 'better looking', meaning overall more attractive. Different demographic, different results. If I would have experienced that kind of dynamic as a young man in my historic demographic, I likely wouldn't have remained unmarried until 41. I had to face the fact that I was outgunned by the superior game of the men I was up against and that my rules of engagement were archaic and ineffective in the modern dating battlefield. That's life!
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