Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I couldn't sleep last night and I was thinking the importance of a closure . At my 31 years old I can't help but feel lost I thought that by now my life was going to be in a different direction . After thinking and thinking our last conversation and the things that I saw in his bedroom , the blond hair , the candle the lighter the fact that he avoided me for a month with the worst excuses , and playing with my emotions saying first" yes let's try " then "I don't know I have to think about it " after I was honest with him and told him that I was interested in him . I was wondering if is worth it to tell him : I've been doing some thinking like you suggested and I came to terms that nothing will ever happen between you and I and I need to move on . Like you said to me last time I like your company but you are right there's got to be something else and I think you and I are not in the same page . I know that he is not going to think about it he knows and I know he doesn't want to be with me . I feel like I have to tell him this and move on I know he won't chase me or ask to stay and my intention is not to stay anyway I can't . Any suggestions please ?? Is it worth it or not ? Do I say to much in the text I want to send ?? Any ideas . Thank you
dangerbang Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You should be old and wise enough by now to know the whole closure thing is a fallacy. There is no explanation for how you are feeling and you'll never get the answers you want. Just block everything, NC guide and all that jazz and you'll move on over the next few months. You are not getting no closure honey. 1
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 So you think is not worth the time to say hey I did what you told me (think about us) and no I need to move on . I know that by know I should have a better perspective of things but believe me or not I feel a little lost
Ariess10 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You should be old and wise enough by now to know the whole closure thing is a fallacy. There is no explanation for how you are feeling and you'll never get the answers you want. Just block everything, NC guide and all that jazz and you'll move on over the next few months. You are not getting no closure honey. 31 you still have a lot to learn , I'm 32 and just because I'm older doesn't make you wiser when it comes to love . I think a lot of people will tell you your always learning when it comes to that..
Gus Grimly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 It would be nice to have these affairs of the heart end with a bow on it. The need for closure is a defense mechanism that we use for validation. The only closure you have is when you decide you have it, no one can give it to you. Make peace with it and move on. 5
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Blueribbon, I believe everyone deserves closure but the sad fact of the matter is that very, very few ever get it from the other person. You need to get closure by yourself. You can start by going full NC with this person. Remove his number from your phone, throw out/give away anything that reminds you of him. I think you know the drill. Then move on for something better with some nice guy who is really into you. Good luck. x 2
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Ariess10 thank you . We never stop learning . . 1
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 So maybe I use to term CLOSURE WRONG. ! I'm wondering if it's is ok to tell him that I decided to move on that's it .
Gus Grimly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So maybe I use to term CLOSURE WRONG. ! I'm wondering if it's is ok to tell him that I decided to move on that's it . Take the higher ground and just walk away. Strict No Contact, your silence will speak louder than words. 3
dangerbang Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So maybe I use to term CLOSURE WRONG. ! I'm wondering if it's is ok to tell him that I decided to move on that's it . Why do you need to tell him anything anymore? He is as irrelevant to you now as a stranger walking by you on the street 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 OP, I'm one that truly appreciates closure and have been quite fortunate in my life to have found it many times BUT there is a time and place for it and not EVERY relationship gets it unfortunately. That's just life. I completely agree that the biggest lesson you can learn is how to find closure for yourself without needing to have your feelings validated by another person. And that can be VERY hard at first but with enough practice can be life changing. I think you also have to understand the real reason behind why you feel you need to have closure because if it's just about having the last word or hurling hateful rants one last time, it isn't worth it. Save your precious energy and most importantly, your dignity. If life happens where you get an opportunity to have closure and it feels right, be wise and grateful because so often it just isn't possible, realistic or even healthy. We are the creator of our own happiness after all so find a way to find peace within yourself and be done with it. Good luck. 1
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Blueribbon, So maybe I use to term CLOSURE WRONG. ! I'm wondering if it's is ok to tell him that I decided to move on that's it . No, no and no again ! You owe this guy nothing, so don't waste anymore thinking time on him - move on !! 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So maybe I use to term CLOSURE WRONG. ! I'm wondering if it's is ok to tell him that I decided to move on that's it . You don't go back to someone who treated you like crap and basically left you hanging to tell him you've moved on! Your actions will speak volume. NC, delete and move on. Simple. 2
erklat Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Sending that will only make you look desperate and needy. Define closure ? What is closure to you ? When you heal one day you will learn that the only closure there is Is that you were dumped so that they could be with the other people. 2
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Closure : Relationship closure is when you – whether you’re a married partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, disgruntled colleague, or unhappy family member – don’t discuss why your love relationship ended. Relationship closure involves honest, healthy, open-minded, nonjudgmental communication. That's not what I want . I think most part of the need to tell him I'm moving on is my ego . Because I'm hurt and I feel betrayed in many ways . Yes it hurts to get dumped . 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Closure only works when you are dealing with a person who has empathy, integrity, sincerity & values you as a person. Most people in a break up situation don't have that, or are to hurt by the break up to be receptive. The funny thing about relationships is how many can go from love to hate in the blink of an eye. I think a lot of fake love happens. 5
Gus Grimly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 The funny thing about relationships is how many can go from love to hate in the blink of an eye. I think a lot of fake love happens. Yeah that's something I've been trying to understand myself. You mentioned "fake love", I've wondered about this often. I do believe it's a real thing because it would unequivocally support some theories I have about my Ex's behavior in my previous relationship and the way she ended things.
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I can relate to this too . Amazing how someone's feelings can change form one moment to another . There's all type of love but definitely fake love we all experience at some point il life . 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Yeah that's something I've been trying to understand myself. You mentioned "fake love", I've wondered about this often. I do believe it's a real thing because it would unequivocally support some theories I have about my Ex's behavior in my previous relationship and the way she ended things. Fake love is the only thing that fits with my last RS. I know she cared about me to some degree. I think she loved the attention I gave her & that I was totally head over heels in love with her. Looking back, I was really some kind of pet or teddy bear with benefits to her, not the love of her life. I was a good fake boyfriend for her until she found the guy she really wanted to be with. 2
Satu Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Closure is a shift that happens when you reach the point of full acceptance of what happened. It comes from the inside. 5
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Fake love is the only thing that fits with my last RS. I know she cared about me to some degree. I think she loved the attention I gave her & that I was totally head over heels in love with her. Looking back, I was really some kind of pet or teddy bear with benefits to her, not the love of her life. I was a good fake boyfriend for her until she found the guy she really wanted to be with. I think I was a pet too . I think he cared for me at some point in time . But now that I'm hurt I can see what I didnt want to see before . All the signs where there . I was the option , the spear time, but for me he was a priority I want to cry
erklat Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Closure : Relationship closure is when you – whether you’re a married partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, disgruntled colleague, or unhappy family member – don’t discuss why your love relationship ended. Relationship closure involves honest, healthy, open-minded, nonjudgmental communication. That's not what I want . I think most part of the need to tell him I'm moving on is my ego . Because I'm hurt and I feel betrayed in many ways . Yes it hurts to get dumped . You're entitled to that type of communication while you're committed. communication between failed romantic partners often boils down to guilt relieving bool**** that is as far awayfrom the truth as it gets .
aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Good closure from a relationship where you were dumped is- vanishing from the dumpers life, never to be heard from again.. 3
mightycpa Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think a lot of fake love happens. I think it's the difference between being in love, and actually loving somebody. When you love somebody, it's warts and all. Your child, your parent, your brother, your best pal, your SO can be a real peace of work sometimes, and you recognize their not so great qualities, but they are part of your life and you want them in it, no matter what. The love isn't intense, but it is lasting. It can be romantic, but there is more to it than that. Then, there's being in love, where this person is just the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's intense and consuming, but also ephemeral, like happiness, which can dissolve on just one piece of news. But it sure feels like love, and it is the romantic part of love. The purpose it serves is the introduction to someone, if you will. That doesn't mean it's got legs. ILYBINILWY? I think that's totally wrong. I think the truth is closer to I never loved you. I was only in love with you, and now, I'm not in love with you anymore Now, I'm just a little sentimental because of our past. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Closure is a shift that happens when you reach the point of full acceptance of what happened. It comes from the inside. Perfectly summed up and bang on Satu! 4
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