phenix Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 My ex and I and perfect fit except for one thing. Over the course of the relationship, she became more and more religious, and became Muslim. I am not Muslim hence she says she cannot be with me. It's an extremely frustrating situation. I was open to her having her own spirituality but she wants someone to share it with. She really changed a lot. I do not intend to be Muslim hence religion breaks us apart. She keeps wanting me as a friend saying I'm so important to her but I decline. Anyone ever been through something similar?
notsoweepingwillow Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Hi phenix. I totally relate to what your going through. I too was with a muslim girl (I'm Jewish). While we agreed early on that we would be comfortable with each others religion and wouldn't force one another to convert in the future, I feel that it was a contributing factor as to why she eventually pulled the plug on us. There were other factors such as approval from her parents and cultural differences but religion was definitely a hindrance as well. It's a very difficult situation and I truly feel your pain. Interfaith relationships are extremely challenging. There are a lot of sacrifices that both you would've had to make to have the relationship work. However, if she's moving closer to religion and your not willing to convert I would recommend you guys peacefully go your separate ways. When my ex broke up with me two weeks ago, we said our goodbyes (she actually had another guy who was from her culture she was already interested in), and have been no contact ever since. I recommend you do the same. It'll give you the time you need to heal, focus on yourself and get back on your feet. This process takes a while so don't rush it. Hang in there. Post here as often as you need to help you through this. Take care of yourself. -NSWW
Author phenix Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Thanks for replying. You seem like you're taking it pretty well so good for you. I find myself very frustrated given that I know how good we were together and the fact that religion is the only obstacle, at least according to her.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 My ex, who is/was a Christian believer cheated on & dumped me for a Wiccan who used to be a Satanist. As far as I know they are still together. Some people are flexible with their faith, some are very rigid. Does she have a male relative who can escort her around until she finds a Muslim man to marry? 1
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 phenix, I dated a Jewish boy for 2 years ( I am Christian ) it didn't work because his parents didn't approve. I dated a Catholic boy for 9 months - it didn't work because my parents didn't approve ( I was raised Protestant) I dated an Atheist and married him and that didn't work because he didn't have my values. I am now happily married to a Christian man. I think people need to be on the same page with their spirituality/belief system. Unfortunately in your case, she moved the goalposts 2
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Nope no male relative She's screwed then if she's gonna try to be a real Muslim & date at all. Muslim females are not permitted to be with any males, unless escorted by a male relative. I don't think they can even go to Mosque without an escort. 3
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 CB, You are correct about this ;- She's screwed then if she's gonna try to be a real Muslim & date at all. Muslim females are not permitted to be with any males, unless escorted by a male relative. I don't think they can even go to Mosque without an escort. and when they go to the mosque they have to go in a separate door to the men and sit apart from them 2
Author phenix Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Lol, I'm not familiar with that but I guess they must find a way to get married. Anyhow, it's great to have perspective on how inter faith cannot work, so I don't hold hopes for nothing. It's just disappointing that someone can change so much so quickly
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Lol, I'm not familiar with that but I guess they must find a way to get married. Anyhow, it's great to have perspective on how inter faith cannot work, so I don't hold hopes for nothing. It's just disappointing that someone can change so much so quickly What's really funny is during this bank job at Secaucus...I mean, is how Muslim guys can marry non Muslims, but Muslim women can't, even if they are converts themselves. Seems like a very controlling faith for females. 1
Author phenix Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 What's really funny is during this bank job at Secaucus...I mean, is how Muslim guys can marry non Muslims, but Muslim women can't, even if they are converts themselves. Seems like a very controlling faith for females. I know, not a big fan. Its disappointing that some religions instead of uniting people can do the exact opposite. anyways, just sad that im losing a girl with who I have the best memories, and shared a unique chemistry. Now I dont recognize her. Its quite troubling.. really sucks.
Unsureslp Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Sometimes converts leave the faith. Maybe it might turn out this way for you? Who introduced her to the faith? Islamic societies are patriarchal and they try to exert control over women. I think it's mostly a cultural thing. 1
Author phenix Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 Sometimes converts leave the faith. Maybe it might turn out this way for you? Who introduced her to the faith? Islamic societies are patriarchal and they try to exert control over women. I think it's mostly a cultural thing. She says it comes from within her, lol, but imo she got influenced by her siblings who are fairly intense as well from a religious perspective. Her parents are not pressuring at all though.. And yea time will tell if she eventually get over this crazy phase but I'll try not to count on that.
changeofseasons Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I know, not a big fan. Its disappointing that some religions instead of uniting people can do the exact opposite. anyways, just sad that im losing a girl with who I have the best memories, and shared a unique chemistry. Now I dont recognize her. Its quite troubling.. really sucks. The way i've been getting over my ex is realizing that the sentimental memories that i have of him was false. If she left you so easily maybe she's not as great as you thought she was. I think for now you need to put the good memories aside for awhile and look at it logically
Author phenix Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 The way i've been getting over my ex is realizing that the sentimental memories that i have of him was false. If she left you so easily maybe she's not as great as you thought she was. I think for now you need to put the good memories aside for awhile and look at it logically Very true, thanks for the perspective
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 What's really funny is during this bank job at Secaucus...I mean, is how Muslim guys can marry non Muslims, but Muslim women can't, even if they are converts themselves. Seems like a very controlling faith for females. It's not a "controlling" religion for women. There are parts of the Quran that say 'paradise lies at the feet of mothers'... The whole 'men can marry pious women of other religions' is cuz men are considered the head of the household. So, if decisions about religion for the kids they will have is to be made, the man will be in charge and probably pick Islam. And who knows, the wife may end up converting cuz women usually do what guys want anyways. So, if a woman marries a non-muslim guy and she submits to him as the head of the household, she may change her religion - especially if they have kids and Islam ain't having that.
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I know, not a big fan. Its disappointing that some religions instead of uniting people can do the exact opposite. anyways, just sad that im losing a girl with who I have the best memories, and shared a unique chemistry. Now I dont recognize her. Its quite troubling.. really sucks. Please see the outstanding quote from Arieswoman below: phenix, I dated a Jewish boy for 2 years ( I am Christian ) it didn't work because his parents didn't approve. I dated a Catholic boy for 9 months - it didn't work because my parents didn't approve ( I was raised Protestant) I dated an Atheist and married him and that didn't work because he didn't have my values. I am now happily married to a Christian man. I think people need to be on the same page with their spirituality/belief system. Unfortunately in your case, she moved the goalposts Thing is, when you are dating - especially to chose a husband/wife and/or parent for your kids - the more you have in common, the more the RL will survive and the kids will be raised with a united front and stability - so, religion isn't the issue here, a lack of practical compatibility is. Chemistry is cute and all, and many people marry not considering practical things like religious preferences and when kids come along, and/or somebody gets a "spiritual awakening" - drama happens. That's one reason why I'm perpetually single and pretty much date casually. For me to marry and/or have kids, I'd have to consider religious preferences and that's a big issue for me. I'm pretty flexible with my religious beliefs, but not marrying some guy who can be radicalized; and, some guys want you to share their religious beliefs. One guy asked me if I'd leave my religion and while I'm thinking I'd just go to church with him and bow my head respectfully instead of praying what they pray - he wanted more than that, so he broke up with me 1
Arieswoman Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 All, Can I just add that in Islam the punishment under Sharia Law for apostasy is death. Apostasy is rejecting the faith. In other words, if you commit to Islam there is no way out, even if you change your mind. If people choose to be Christians and then, for whatever reason, decide to wander away from the faith then it's not a big deal for the rest of us. We aren't going to ask that you be stoned to death for apostasy. Your soul - your choice. If you decide to come back again then you'll be welcomed. Something these Islam converts need to bear in mind, IMO 2
Author phenix Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 All, Can I just add that in Islam the punishment under Sharia Law for apostasy is death. Apostasy is rejecting the faith. In other words, if you commit to Islam there is no way out, even if you change your mind. If people choose to be Christians and then, for whatever reason, decide to wander away from the faith then it's not a big deal for the rest of us. We aren't going to ask that you be stoned to death for apostasy. Your soul - your choice. If you decide to come back again then you'll be welcomed. Something these Islam converts need to bear in mind, IMO Clearly that does not reach my value, I'll never convert. Crazy that this reaches the value of so many people. Just a sad turn of event in my case. Good perspectives guys. 1
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) All, Can I just add that in Islam the punishment under Sharia Law for apostasy is death. Apostasy is rejecting the faith. In other words, if you commit to Islam there is no way out, even if you change your mind. If people choose to be Christians and then, for whatever reason, decide to wander away from the faith then it's not a big deal for the rest of us. We aren't going to ask that you be stoned to death for apostasy. Your soul - your choice. If you decide to come back again then you'll be welcomed. Something these Islam converts need to bear in mind, IMO No it is not.... If you live in some parts of the Middle East and/or are part of some of those extremist communities/cultures that have made roots in certain parts of Europe and/or the US - yes, honor killings and/or killing people who don't convert and/or leave the religion happens all the time. But just like other religions, there are people who aren't as "orthodox" as others. I mean, Shakira, George Clooney's wife, that woman that was married to that politician exposing himself online (Weiner) - they all are from Muslim families and do not have anyone stoning and/or killing them cuz they got westernized and/or married non-muslims. Shoot, Sharkira even has a freakin' kid out of wedlock and just is shacking up with the father. And yes, celebrities/public figures aside, I've seen and know first hand of Muslims who do not practice the faith to those horrible extremes. I mean, I saw a good documentary on PBS years ago about this family who is part of a Muslim community in Dearborn, MI and the issue of the daughter "wanting" to wear her veil (like her mum does at her job as nurse) to school.... Well, believe it or not, the "father" was the one telling the daughter not to do it because it was going to bring her unwanted attention at school...So, again, not every muslim family is full of extremists and/or practice Islam to the letter. And yes, there are passages in the Quran that say that there should be 'no compulsion in religion' - in other words, you're in 100% or not. But, that's between each person and God (or Allah if you will). Mind you, there are passages in the Quran who also state that if 'Allah wanted everyone to be a Muslim, He would have made them Muslim'. So, for those Muslims who want to take to extremes forcing conversion down people's throats and/o killing people who leave the religion? Again, regardless of religion - there are always extremist and/or people who use/abuse the word of God to control others and get power. Edited July 23, 2015 by Gloria25 1
Author phenix Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) No it is not.... Again, regardless of religion - there are always extremist and/or people who use/abuse the word of God to control others and get power. It's easy to always find that one example, that one instance, where things are done differently. A sample too small does not reflect properly a population. Basic stats. You cannot compare religions together based on a few samples, you need to look at the big picture, the proportions. It really provides no value to look a isolated cases. But we are deriving into another debate here. Edited July 23, 2015 by phenix 1
Radu Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 No it is not.... If you live in some parts of the Middle East and/or are part of some of those extremist communities/cultures that have made roots in certain parts of Europe and/or the US - yes, honor killings and/or killing people who don't convert and/or leave the religion happens all the time. But just like other religions, there are people who aren't as "orthodox" as others. I mean, Shakira, George Clooney's wife, that woman that was married to that politician exposing himself online (Weiner) - they all are from Muslim families and do not have anyone stoning and/or killing them cuz they got westernized and/or married non-muslims. Shoot, Sharkira even has a freakin' kid out of wedlock and just is shacking up with the father. And yes, celebrities/public figures aside, I've seen and know first hand of Muslims who do not practice the faith to those horrible extremes. I mean, I saw a good documentary on PBS years ago about this family who is part of a Muslim community in Dearborn, MI and the issue of the daughter "wanting" to wear her veil (like her mum does at her job as nurse) to school.... Well, believe it or not, the "father" was the one telling the daughter not to do it because it was going to bring her unwanted attention at school...So, again, not every muslim family is full of extremists and/or practice Islam to the letter. And yes, there are passages in the Quran that say that there should be 'no compulsion in religion' - in other words, you're in 100% or not. But, that's between each person and God (or Allah if you will). Mind you, there are passages in the Quran who also state that if 'Allah wanted everyone to be a Muslim, He would have made them Muslim'. So, for those Muslims who want to take to extremes forcing conversion down people's throats and/o killing people who leave the religion? Again, regardless of religion - there are always extremist and/or people who use/abuse the word of God to control others and get power. The ones you quoted are not Sunni. Unfortunately the vast majority of muslims are Sunni, and Sunni consider all other denominations of Islam as heretics. Now, if they are moderate that's not a problem ... but if they get more extreme, then it's a problem. Just look at how big of a % of overall Sunni are somewhat ok with ISIS. As for Clooney's wife, she comes from a denomination of Islam that is flexible in marrying other religions, however the one absolute rule is that the children, must have the religion of parent, regardless of the gender of the parent. So Clooney's children will believe in Islam. 1
Hoosfoos Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Consider yourself lucky. You would be under constant scrutiny by her parents, uncles, brothers, and cousins. Your life with her would end up being miserable. 1
Recommended Posts