Author MC44 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 Everyone is the happiest with themselves when they feel at their fittest. Some people have been over weight there whole lives & give up in changing that because they don't know how, so they become content in that& that's okay because no1 should hate themselves. But deep down every person in the world would prefer to be in top shape, so we should never stop going after our best versions of ourselves. The fact she was a model & has always had an amazing body, at some point she will look back at her old photos & envy her old body. She still looks good & it hasn't got to a point where I'm not attracted to her. But if her weight gain continues at this rate it will be an issue. It doesn't mean I'm shallow because I want my girl to be her best self.
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Has this thread motivated anyone else to workout today?L THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves No FitnessFan365. The exact opposite. this thread made me feel more hopeless. I know I have been seriously depressed for 4 years due to the deaths of my parents & a bunch of other stuff. In my 40s my metabolism changed. My eating habits got better but I still put on 40 pounds most of it in the last 7 years. My BMI remains in the healthy range (high end of healthy but healthy) Reading these comments by some guy who wants to dump his otherwise "perfect" GF because gained weight makes me want to go crawl under a rock. My husband & people around me tell me I look fine but none of my clothes fit. I have been working out since May but my weight has not changed. I read stuff like this & simply want to cry; I do alternate & want to crawl into the computer & throttle the OP. For him to armchair psychoanalyze that my failure to be a perfectly toned athlete makes me depressed just pisses me off. I do understand that my depression contributed to my weight gain but if a few pounds was the only thing off in my life I'd be pretty damn happy. As for the comment that everyone is happiest with themselves when they are the fittest is BS. I have never been in shape or fit. I have been thin but it's not the same thing. What I look like or weigh it not who I am. So for the OP to suggest his GF is less then wonderful because she doesn't meet his ideal belittles her as a person. Edited July 23, 2015 by d0nnivain 6
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Everyone is the happiest with themselves when they feel at their fittest. Some people have been over weight there whole lives & give up in changing that because they don't know how, so they become content in that& that's okay because no1 should hate themselves. But deep down every person in the world would prefer to be in top shape, so we should never stop going after our best versions of ourselves. ****The fact she was a model & has always had an amazing body, at some point **she** will look back at her old photos & envy her old body.**** She still looks good & it hasn't got to a point where I'm not attracted to her. But if her weight gain continues at this rate it will be an issue. It doesn't mean I'm shallow because I want my girl to be her best self. Quote in asterisk above. Again, you are attempting to speak for HER and HER feelings, and not even in the present, but how she *might* feel down the road, *should* she gain more weight. Let HER decide whether or not she envies her old body .... if and when she ever does gain more weight. Many former models actually prefer to be a bit heavier, they actually feel better (physically and mentally) because they are not starving themselves anymore...and are able to enjoy food, the way they could not when they were modeling. It is actually very freeing to NOT have to restrict your food intake like they did when modeling. Speaking from experience. So my advice would be to let her be. Love her deeply and sincerely. Appreciate her beauty both inside and out. IF SHE ever gets to the point where she starts to feel badly about herself, loses confidence, and starts envying her old body, talk to her THEN, and perhaps she will be open to your helping her get back to where she feels better. But it does not sound like SHE is anywhere even close to that....or if she ever will be. So let it go. If you can't, then let HER go. Edited July 23, 2015 by katiegrl 2
guest569 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It's funny because EVERYONE wants an attractive partner & those who say they don't care are the ones who have been brought down, have low self esteem and decide to settle. Yes the realness of a person is more important when you are looking at who should be in your life. But the fact is the fact attraction and feeling proud of your partner does matter. In life people should aim towards being the best version of themselves and people should surround themselves with people who inspire and bring out the best in them. Being on the path to healthy eating and exercise is nothing but good. I want her to feel good about herself. People who have a problem with me wanting her to lose weight have no real reason for it and those who say I don't deserve her are on a high horse. People are happy to watch other people abuse their bodies so they can feel comfortable that, that person is at a low and it's a reflection of your own insecurities. I want to bring out the best in my woman and give her the confidence to be happy in herself. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves WHAT do you want to hear? The problem is that you might destroy her self esteem and oh is this a troll or what? I give up.
DaisyBug Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Haha.. Well I'm personally not a fan of the small ass/hips meeting in a straight line look. What's sexy to me is curvy hips and a slightly large booty. Besides, it's way more fun to take a woman with you to VS, have her go into the dressing room to try it on, and then you sneak in there with her for fun when nobody's looking. I like the way you think!
DaisyBug Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 OP, you said in a previous post that she's "very happy." So, your excuse that it's "about her and how she feels about herself" doesn't hold water. It's all about you. All I hear you say is "she's so damn beautiful but OMG she put on 12 pounds" and "I have a right to want an attractive woman," blah blah blah. The problem is that you have a former model, almost a 10, who is a few pounds away from an "amazing body," and that is enough to derail your attraction (or at least put yourself on "high alert" lest she gain another pound)? Your attractiveness to her should be about the WHOLE PERSON, not just her outer appearance. You're acting like she's some out-of-control slob and you're Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or something. Like Fitness365 said, let's see you in 2-3 years.
Eighty_nine Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It's funny because EVERYONE wants an attractive partner & those who say they don't care are the ones who have been brought down, have low self esteem and decide to settle. Yes the realness of a person is more important when you are looking at who should be in your life. But the fact is the fact attraction and feeling proud of your partner does matter. In life people should aim towards being the best version of themselves and people should surround themselves with people who inspire and bring out the best in them. Being on the path to healthy eating and exercise is nothing but good. I want her to feel good about herself. People who have a problem with me wanting her to lose weight have no real reason for it and those who say I don't deserve her are on a high horse. People are happy to watch other people abuse their bodies so they can feel comfortable that, that person is at a low and it's a reflection of your own insecurities. I want to bring out the best in my woman and give her the confidence to be happy in herself. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves Yes, almost everyone does want an attractive partner! But most people don't have such a narrow mind about what makes someone attractive. My boyfriend is probably 30 pounds overweight, and I am very attracted to him; his eyes, lips, amazing head of hair, the way he's bigger than me is also just sexy to me. But my early twenties self was a bit more shallow, until I realized I am attracted to a lot of people, fit and otherwise, and at the end of the day if they can't make me laugh I'm not interested. Sex with my bf is amazing btw. Also, when he met me I was 25 pounds overweight, now I'm maybe 10 over, and I have never ever doubted his attraction to me- either way. I mean mainly OP, I feel bad for you. You don't seem like a complete dick, but you're just too old to be thinking this way. Do you want a family and long term partner? Maybe not, and if so, you can go from girl-to-girl if their bodies change in a way you don't like. But if you do want a long term partner, you will never be satisfied as their bodies WILL change. Does it mean they'll get morbidly obese or unattractive? No! When life slows down again, women often self-correct. But it's more about your shallow and narrow 'standards.' No woman will be able to keep up with them, and you will be unhappy, as well as your partner. I'd really consider thinking about why you feel this way and if it is helpful for YOUR life. Again, if you had started this thread after she'd gained 30 pounds in 3 months for example, I wouldn't be saying the same stuff. But I have a feeling you're overestimating her weight gain, plus it's only been a month. You cannot be this rigid. 1
DaisyBug Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 You know, a model is expected to be underweight because the camera adds 10 pounds. (We live in a world where a size 8 is a plus-size model.) Perhaps she is now simply what her natural weight should be. 3
No_Go Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Well, not to nitpick, but I can tell you that I experienced exactly the weight gain that you describe (120 to 132, over the course of 3 years), and the difference is BIG: I still fit most of my old tops and dresses, but my old skinny jeans, bras are out of question. For the record I'm 5'7, imagine how the same weight gain would appear on a shorter woman.... So I can somewhat understand the OP, if he's not attracted to the new shape of his woman, especially considering that this happened over just a month, not after pregnancy or illness.... But having said that, I think nearly EVERYONE gains weight when starting a new relationship, it is about adjusting to a new daily routines etc, so OP should be tolerant and wait the things to get back in line before getting upset about weight (btw the EASIEST thing to change in one's appearance). ^^ Absolutely agree with this. This shyt about your wanting her to lose weight (12 measley pounds) so SHE feels better about herself and has more confidence? Like elaine said, that is YOUR rhetoric, not how she feels, which I am calling bullshyt on anyway. Reading your first post, that's not what you are concerned about. You are irked because she is ruining your image of her, physically. What is she 132 pounds now, instead of 120? Big freaking whoop. Again, at least be honest about that, if not to us, at least to yourself. Nuff said from me.
central Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 12 pounds isn't a big deal - unless it's the start of a trend. However, if you don't like the way she looks and are no longer attracted, then do both of you a favor and break up. You can't change her. She can only change herself, and that only has a chance of working if she has good, personal motivation.
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It doesn't mean I'm shallow because I want my girl to be her best self. HER BEST SELF according to YOU. You are not listening to the girl herself. Many models are very unhappy on diets of cardboard and crackers, many are borderline anorexic or truly anorexic, is that what you really want? Some unhappy girl who plays with her food and eats nothing, as she is terrified of gaining weight? She says she is a foodie, and guess what that means? She likes food, and no amount of cajoling from you is going to convince her that her model "diet" was good for her. Obesity is a huge issue true, but this is a model, a perfect 10, who has gained 12lbs, we hardly need to sound the alarms do we? 3
xUnknown Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Perhaps I missed it, but how tall is she? 12 pounds in a month is a bit excessive... 12 pounds on a girl thats 5'10'' won't be nearly as noticeable compared to a 5'2'' girl. My ex put on...maybe 20 lbs, not all at once, but progressively...maybe 6 months. She was like 5'4'' and it showed. I go to the gym daily so while I was feeling and looking good about myself, it just drove her to be depressed because she had put on weight. She too was a "foodie". I never told her she didn't look good, nor hinted at the weight. But she knew. She would bring it up to me, I'd tell her I still love her regardless, but sure, I noticed. I would hit at coming to the gym with me. She did once, in three or so years that we went out. There was always an excuse. But, after a while she would come up with these weight loss ideas for the both of us to do, like goals to meet by X date. I'd meet them, she wouldn't, she would quit. She wasn't happy with herself. We broke up. Not to sound like a douche, but my progression only made her feel worse about herself...because she started to see herself as being fat (which she wasn't), and knew I could do better. Sure, I liked the her body when we started going out, but thats not to say I didn't like it then. I still loved her despite the fact she put on weight. What I didn't love, was the excuses and always complaining about her weight, then never doing anything about it. I'd motivate her, try things with her...but in the end she has to be the one to do it herself. When we broke up in October, she started running again. Losing weight. She looks good now, as much as I hate to admit that. But, I'm happy she finally did something for herself, though from my point of view, its like... no ****, i've been telling you that you could do this or that from day 1. Sometimes there is no right answer for these things. You stick with it, or you don't. But I wouldn't say he's shallow. I noticed my gf putting on weight, I chose not to say anything which obviously didn't help the situation at all. Invite her to go to the gym with you. See how that goes. 1
RoseVille Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I'd say about 14-12 pounds To gain that much in one month, she'd have to eat 45,000 calories in 30 days, nearly doubling her food intake every day. You should be concerned about her health, a medical condition. No one gains weight that fast, not even freshmen girls in college. 1
Maleficent Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 So I've been dating this girl for a little while & I really like her. She is one of the most beautiful girls I've seen we click and have a lot of fun together & I've been thinking of making things serious. But over the last month she has put on a lot of weight & is now boarder line for what is acceptable for my girlfriend. I don't mean to offend anyone on here but I have to be honest to myself & what makes me happy. The thing is that she has always been slim judging from the past photos she's shown me. And she seems to not realise that she's gained weight or does she seem to have any intention to diet or go to the gym. She actually told me that shes a foodie &doesn't diet & that she's too lazy to go to the gym. The thing is that I have got back into my fitness and have recently lost a lot of weight after putting it on in my previous relationship and have now adapted healthy eating and exercise into my lifestyle. And every time I suggest that we work out together she just says she's too lazy. So this girl is perfect for me looks wise& personality wise but how do I get her to lose her recent weight gain without hurting her feelings or offending her? i can't help how I feel, weight gain can be avoided and we all feel better about ourselves when we are in shape You shouldn't have to settle for someone who's look you aren't attracted to. However, she doesn't have to a) change her habits to please you (she said she is a foodie and doesn't want to work out) and b) doesn't deserve to be told constantly by her boyfriend she is fat (because let's face it, you will not tell her once and let this go) You don' t have to change, neither does she. If you can't accept the fact that a woman's body inevitably changes over time go find a girl who already does everything she can to remain a certain weight. 1
Maleficent Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I don't know what it is but she has gained weight fast! The thing is this girl was close to a ten a month ago& I'm worried about the direction she's taking. The thing is that weight is different for different people but the fact that she wasn't fat before and hasn't ever been fat in the past means it's unnatural. And as for me gaining weight in my last relationship I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault as she kept feeding me bad sh#t out of her own insecurities to try and make me less appealing to other girls( this is what women doLOL). But anyway I can't stand to even look at myself in photos when I had all that excess weight. Weight can be controlled. I'm not being fuc%ed up here but I work hard to take care of myself so I just want the same in return. I'd never make someone feel bad about themselves & I just want my potential future wifey to be her best self while she's with me. Come on guy's I need some better responses Dude seriously? I doubt she force fed you so take responsibility for your part that you actually ate all the crap she gave you... 2
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Dude seriously? I doubt she force fed you so take responsibility for your part that you actually ate all the crap she gave you... Exactly he wasn't being hauled out every night like a foie gras goose and force fed fat by a huge stomach tube. 3
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 She is just so damn beautiful but the weight is bothering me. It's like she seems like the perfect girl for me, but it's just this 1 thing that shouldn't be a thing I'm sorry, but for me beauty isn't just what someone is "born" with (i.e. a pretty face). Your statement for me is akin to guys who date ditzy supermodels, manipulators, etc cuz she's "hot" - yet, these women have no brains, heart, compassion, etc....Like asking a beauty pageant contestant a question about a social issue and she's like "Uh...." For me, beauty is not just a face or a body - it's also the person. Someone who is lazy is not attractive to me...I don't care if they have most beautiful nose, eyes, cheeks, hair, lips, etc. But then again, a lot of guys will take a pretty face over a fit body. I mean, just have sex with the lights off or concentrate on her face. BTW, if she did have "modelish" looks before, I don't think she was healthy and/or happy then either. I mean, if she was not eating right and/or doing bad things to her body (i.e. living off of Red Bull) to keep that figure, she might have body image issues related to something deeper too.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I bet the OP is sorry for opening this can of worms. YIKES!
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 We live in an overly-sensitive society where if you tell a bitch that she's gaining weight real quick then somehow you are the bad guy. People would rather you become fat then there be a possibility of hurt feelings, and loosing weight is 100x more difficult than gaining, it's much better to know you're getting fat than to find out when it's probably too late. Just say "baby I love you and I think you're super cute but I've noticed that you've been gaining weight recently, like a lot of weight, like a loooooooot of weight and I'm worried that before we know it you'll turn into a muffin top and you'll lose self confidence. I'm also worried that I might not find you as attractive as you are now". If she still doesn't change then dump the bitch. Seriously...who the hell talks like this? 3
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Since she is a former model, I would venture to guess she is on the tall side. Most agencies won't even interview unless a girl/woman is at least 5" 7'. 1
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Seriously...who the hell talks like this? LOL, notwithstanding his last sentence, a man who does not mince words, is straight and direct .....with a touch of playful banter mixed in. Guess you did not read my post (no 85). I liked his response! Minus the last sentence. Thought it was hilarious, and boy it sure gets his point across doesn't it.
mrldii Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Seriously...who the hell talks like this? And then frames it under the guise of not wanting "(his) bitch to loose her self-confidence".
MissBee Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 So I've been dating this girl for a little while & I really like her. She is one of the most beautiful girls I've seen we click and have a lot of fun together & I've been thinking of making things serious. But over the last month she has put on a lot of weight & is now boarder line for what is acceptable for my girlfriend. I don't mean to offend anyone on here but I have to be honest to myself & what makes me happy. The thing is that she has always been slim judging from the past photos she's shown me. And she seems to not realise that she's gained weight or does she seem to have any intention to diet or go to the gym. She actually told me that shes a foodie &doesn't diet & that she's too lazy to go to the gym. The thing is that I have got back into my fitness and have recently lost a lot of weight after putting it on in my previous relationship and have now adapted healthy eating and exercise into my lifestyle. And every time I suggest that we work out together she just says she's too lazy. So this girl is perfect for me looks wise& personality wise but how do I get her to lose her recent weight gain without hurting her feelings or offending her? i can't help how I feel, weight gain can be avoided and we all feel better about ourselves when we are in shape You cannot do anything to control another person's weight. If you dislike it that much, all you can do is try to voice your concerns gently or in a round about way by inviting her to the gym or things like that and if she isn't down with your plan for her weight, leave. For me, I cannot fathom trying to monitor the weight of my SO. I understand a person's weight might fluctuate during the relationship and for me it's simply not something that is a deal breaker. If after one month you're concerned about her weight as unacceptable to you, it doesn't seem like you two will have a bright future. As absolutely NO ONE will be happy in a relationship where they feel their partner is scrutinizing every pound gained and that at a moment's notice should they gain any weight they'll be out the door. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 LOL, notwithstanding his last sentence, a man who does not mince words, is straight and direct .....with a touch of playful banter mixed in. Guess you did not read my post (no 85). I liked his response! Minus the last sentence. Thought it was hilarious, and boy it sure gets his point across doesn't it. Well, that's kind of what I am hoping...that this was really more tongue-in-cheek to hammer home his point in a hyperbolic way (I still don't appreciate it but whatever). And yes, I saw your post and although I will agree with you that honesty is often the best policy, I can't say that I agree with a lot of the OP's comments and feelings on the subject. 2
Author MC44 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 I'm sorry, but for me beauty isn't just what someone is "born" with (i.e. a pretty face). Your statement for me is akin to guys who date ditzy supermodels, manipulators, etc cuz she's "hot" - yet, these women have no brains, heart, compassion, etc....Like asking a beauty pageant contestant a question about a social issue and she's like "Uh...." For me, beauty is not just a face or a body - it's also the person. Someone who is lazy is not attractive to me...I don't care if they have most beautiful nose, eyes, cheeks, hair, lips, etc. But then again, a lot of guys will take a pretty face over a fit body. I mean, just have sex with the lights off or concentrate on her face. BTW, if she did have "modelish" looks before, I don't think she was healthy and/or happy then either. I mean, if she was not eating right and/or doing bad things to her body (i.e. living off of Red Bull) to keep that figure, she might have body image issues related to something deeper too. I agree beauty needs to be complimented by a personality ora and their heart. Now it is still early days but she does have a beautiful funny calm peace about her soul. I'm not a manipulative person at all! And its not just her looks that make her so beautiful. And she was never one of those stick thin models. She just has/had all the curves in the right places. Like I say she isn't fat but she's boarder line& in just worried what will happen if she continues gaining weight at this rate. Am I bad for just stating how I feel? I haven't & wouldn't miss treat her by making her feel ****ty about herself. I do genuinely like and care about her too. I know all about diet and exercise so there's no need to starve yourself to lose weight it's just about eating healthy and working out at your own pace.
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