fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The OP's original post did rub me the wrong way. However, I've gotta admit...Gaining 12-14lbs in one month is insanely HIGH. If she's packing away that much food and never working out, it's scary to think where she'll be a year from now. I think that Katie has made a few good points about the psychology behind it. If she knows the OP's stance on weight gain and she's gained so much in that short of a time period, is she subconsciously trying to push him away? 1
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 You don't deserve her, keep it moving and find an equally shallow skinny girl who is more suited to your immature preferences. Yep, she deseves better than him....and, can find someone like her Look at "Mike and Molly" - two people who share the same diet/lifestyles...Now, not sure if they share the last KFC drumstick...that might end up in a fight to the death.
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The OP's original post did rub me the wrong way. However, I've gotta admit...Gaining 12-14lbs in one month is insanely HIGH. If she's packing away that much food and never working out, it's scary to think where she'll be a year from now. I think that Katie has made a few good points about the psychology behind it. If she knows the OP's stance on weight gain and she's gained so much in that short of a time period, is she subconsciously trying to push him away? -Or maybe she's "comfortable" and doesn't want to put any more efforts into her looks now that she got him. Lots of people do that - men and women - especially married people. -Maybe she never had any proper nutrition, diet, and physical lifestyle. I mean, let's say she was on a "Red Bull" diet and now she finally is eating "food" w/o exercise and the abrupt change is causing weight gain? But why all this debate? Didn't he say she's a "foodie" and is not going to exercise? Well, there you go...she isn't gonna see a doctor, nutritionist, etc to address this and that IS the real problem here.
mrldii Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 To your posted question, OP : Girl I'm dating is putting on weight, what do I do? (and after reading all your replies) Dump her. I don't know her and she could be well on her way to being the world's fattest and ugliest b*tch ever seen, and she still won't deserve having you for a boyfriend.
nouedis Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Either be a dick and take her to work out or just leave her or consult her about it in a nice manner.
DaisyBug Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) ActuallySHE was the one who told him she was lazy..... she also told him she does NOTlike to go to gym and does NOT diet. OK, I did go back and see that she said she does not diet, but she's always been slim so she's never needed to before. As for being "too lazy to go to the gym," MOST people are "too lazy" to go to the gym, slim people included! Having a gym membership is "extra credit," not the norm. This is a man who is showing no concern for her personally, but for himself and the burden he must endure by looking upon a few extra pounds. Maybe something is wrong? Possibly just hormonal changes – the OP has only been with her for a cycle or two, so he wouldn’t know her pattern. A man in love, a good man, will defend his good woman, esp. against those saying “dump the bitch” and suggesting she may turn into “the fattest, ugliest bitch ever seen.” (He hasn’t seen those yet, so he still has time to redeem himself...) He would not encourage feedback that confirms she is indeed beneath him. If she only knew what is going on behind her back… I've gotta admit...Gaining 12-14lbs in one month is insanely HIGH. You are a personal trainer - I would think you'd realize that is most likely an exaggeration. That would be quite the spectacular feat for a woman to gain 12 pounds of actual fat in one month! Like I said earlier, if she's short, just 4 or 5 pounds can make a HUGE difference. Edited July 23, 2015 by DaisyBug 1
fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 You are a personal trainer - I would think you'd realize that is most likely an exaggeration. That would be quite the spectacular feat for a woman to gain 12 pounds of actual fat in one month! Like I said earlier, if she's short, just 4 or 5 pounds can make a HUGE difference. That's what I am saying. 12-14lbs in one month would be abnormally high. I agree that 4-6lbs would be more realistic. But he sounded pretty specific. 1
mrldii Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 ... A man in love, a good man, will defend his good woman, esp. against those saying “dump the bitch” and suggesting she may turn into “the fattest, ugliest bitch ever seen.” (He hasn’t seen those yet, so he still has time to redeem himself...) He would not encourage feedback that confirms she is indeed beneath him... For the record (since I was indirectly quoted), I'd just like to clarify...I was in no way suggesting that the reason I feel OP should dump the girl he's currently dating is because she is beneath him.
DaisyBug Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 That's what I am saying. 12-14lbs in one month would be abnormally high. I agree that 4-6lbs would be more realistic. But he sounded pretty specific. I don't trust a man to guess a woman's weight, bra size, or anything size. My ex once bought me some Victoria's Secret panties and I could swear they were for an 8-year-old. I mean, I'm flattered if he thought my a** could fit into those, but... 3
fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Has this thread motivated anyone else to workout today? I hit up the local high school and did a BRUTAL 45 minute workout consisting of bleacher runs and 100 yard sprints on the track. During the workout and the walk home, all I could do was think of this thread and be glad that I stay in shape..LOL
mightycpa Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Tame her eating The sneaky way or The hardcore way 1
fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I don't trust a man to guess a woman's weight, bra size, or anything size. My ex once bought me some Victoria's Secret panties and I could swear they were for an 8-year-old. I mean, I'm flattered if he thought my a** could fit into those, but... Haha.. Well I'm personally not a fan of the small ass/hips meeting in a straight line look. What's sexy to me is curvy hips and a slightly large booty. Besides, it's way more fun to take a woman with you to VS, have her go into the dressing room to try it on, and then you sneak in there with her for fun when nobody's looking. 1
joseb Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Has this thread motivated anyone else to workout today? I hit up the local high school and did a BRUTAL 45 minute workout consisting of bleacher runs and 100 yard sprints on the track. During the workout and the walk home, all I could do was think of this thread and be glad that I stay in shape..LOL I joined a gym (really!) today. Just did a circuit of mostly free-weight type training, can hardly type now!
guest569 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I was being dead serious in my attempt at advice. I think that by raising the subject (yet again) with her, you risk losing her or doing some damage. It's not about you hitting nerves. I'm putting myself in her shoes and thinking its not a good idea for you to "get her to lose weight". This would not go down well with me and I suspect many other people in that situation. It's not your place and you've already dropped hints and suggestions which she has declined. Particularly bearing in mind its just some "girl" you're dating.
aussietigerwolf Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 So op, have you told her that she has to be a certain weight or you'll dump her? What timeframe were you thinking of giving her to "shape up"? 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I'm a female and you didn't hit a nerve with me, so don't let a few bully you into believing otherwise... I'm also a female who works on her body, so take that into consideration when you compare mine and their responses. I feel bad for you and most men now a days, cuz like I said in my first post here, you can't dare say ANYTHING to a woman about her weight - especially now a days. There are still some women who work out and care about their bodies...but they are becoming a dying breed...and, that's sad. I'm a woman too, soon to be 39, have always worked out, am very fit and I care a lot about my health, I'm 5'2 and this morning, like most mornings for the past 20 years, I weighed 112lbs. Any extra couple of lbs would be immediately noticeable and would make me uncomfortable, although I highly doubt the BF would even care. Yet the OP still hit a nerve on so many levels, none of which are personal to me or to do with my gender. I just don't get how you can simultaneously genuinely care about someone and want to change them - something doesn't add up . A lot of posters (male and female, I believe) have already made very good points, and if her weight is already an issue less than 2 months in, it'll likely always be an issue one way or the other. If she feels unhappy then by all means support her; if she has no self-esteem issues with her own body, then be happy she has no hang-ups and enjoy her company (the extra 12lbs included) or simply let her go. 2
Author MC44 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 The thing that if she realised that it was now time to at least have the intention to get back to how she was then I wouldn't even worry. She is just so damn beautiful but the weight is bothering me. It's like she seems like the perfect girl for me, but it's just this 1 thing that shouldn't be a thing
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) ^^ OP, perhaps instead of asking "my *girlfriend* is gaining weight, what do I do"? -- you should be asking "how do *I* become less shallow"? Google that question, lots of great answers. Or start another thread asking us, or seek therapy. Because at this point in the conversation, THAT is the issue. NOT your girlfriend's weight. If she had gained like 25 pounds, I might understand. But it's 12 friggin pounds for god's sake. Get over it already. Edited July 23, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Author MC44 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 ^^ OP, perhaps instead of asking "my *girlfriend* is gaining weight, what do I do"? -- you should be asking "how do *I* become less shallow"? Google that question, lots of great answers. Or start another thread asking us, or seek therapy. Because at this point in the conversation, THAT is the issue. NOT your girlfriend's weight. If she had gained like 25 pounds, I might understand. But it's 12 friggin pounds for god's sake. Get over it already. It's funny because EVERYONE wants an attractive partner & those who say they don't care are the ones who have been brought down, have low self esteem and decide to settle. Yes the realness of a person is more important when you are looking at who should be in your life. But the fact is the fact attraction and feeling proud of your partner does matter. In life people should aim towards being the best version of themselves and people should surround themselves with people who inspire and bring out the best in them. Being on the path to healthy eating and exercise is nothing but good. I want her to feel good about herself. People who have a problem with me wanting her to lose weight have no real reason for it and those who say I don't deserve her are on a high horse. People are happy to watch other people abuse their bodies so they can feel comfortable that, that person is at a low and it's a reflection of your own insecurities. I want to bring out the best in my woman and give her the confidence to be happy in herself. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It's funny because EVERYONE wants an attractive partner & those who say they don't care are the ones who have been brought down, have low self esteem and decide to settle. Yes the realness of a person is more important when you are looking at who should be in your life. But the fact is the fact attraction and feeling proud of your partner does matter. In life people should aim towards being the best version of themselves and people should surround themselves with people who inspire and bring out the best in them. Being on the path to healthy eating and exercise is nothing but good. I want her to feel good about herself. People who have a problem with me wanting her to lose weight have no real reason for it and those who say I don't deserve her are on a high horse. People are happy to watch other people abuse their bodies so they can feel comfortable that, that person is at a low and it's a reflection of your own insecurities. I want to bring out the best in my woman and give her the confidence to be happy in herself. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves What if she already is happy with herself and her own body and doesn't feel out of shape, and what if you are the only one, out of the 2 of you, who has an issue with it? 7
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The OP has not developed a real relationship with this girl, she is like a work of art he bought to hang on his wall. She is his perfect 10, and therefore needs to be flawless. She has gained some weight, thickened up some of those angles he was so proud of and thus has gone down hugely in his estimation. She is a living, breathing, human being, she cannot maintain perfection, no-one can. Unless the OP can accept people and women in particular for who they are, then he is never going to be happy with anyone. "Girl I am dating has lost weight, her boobs are now a bit a saggy, not DD any more, what do I do?" Please let this women go, do not mess with her head re her weight, she doesn't deserve that. 10
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It's funny because EVERYONE wants an attractive partner & those who say they don't care are the ones who have been brought down, have low self esteem and decide to settle. Yes the realness of a person is more important when you are looking at who should be in your life. But the fact is the fact attraction and feeling proud of your partner does matter. In life people should aim towards being the best version of themselves and people should surround themselves with people who inspire and bring out the best in them. Being on the path to healthy eating and exercise is nothing but good. I want her to feel good about herself. People who have a problem with me wanting her to lose weight have no real reason for it and those who say I don't deserve her are on a high horse. People are happy to watch other people abuse their bodies so they can feel comfortable that, that person is at a low and it's a reflection of your own insecurities. I want to bring out the best in my woman and give her the confidence to be happy in herself. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves Of course we all want an attractive partner (attractive to us)....but dude it's 12 pounds. 12 pounds should be hardly noticeable, and she should still even be the same size (clothes wise). So how "less" attractive can she actually be? Come on now, you are acting like she's gained 25+ and is deformed. THAT is why I think you are shallow. Abusing her body? Are you serious? You are nit-picking and finding flaws over a few freaking pounds. You are so irked over 12 measley pounds, you come on LS, receive some great responses, and after god only knows how many pages, you are still at square one. Irked. The problem is YOU, not her. You are shallow. As in NOT deep. Not able to love and appreciate your girlfriend on a deeper level. Because if you were, you would not be so damn irked over 12 measley pounds, which to most people (non-shallow,l, 12 pounds is hardly noticeable....and certainly would NOT cause them to deem their partner no longer attractive....or even less attractive. Do you not recognize the lunacy (shallowness) in that? Apparently not. And to me, THAT is the bigger issue. 3
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It's funny because EVERYONE wants an attractive partner & those who say they don't care are the ones who have been brought down, have low self esteem and decide to settle. Yes the realness of a person is more important when you are looking at who should be in your life. But the fact is the fact attraction and feeling proud of your partner does matter. In life people should aim towards being the best version of themselves and people should surround themselves with people who inspire and bring out the best in them. Being on the path to healthy eating and exercise is nothing but good. I want her to feel good about herself. People who have a problem with me wanting her to lose weight have no real reason for it and those who say I don't deserve her are on a high horse. People are happy to watch other people abuse their bodies so they can feel comfortable that, that person is at a low and it's a reflection of your own insecurities. I want to bring out the best in my woman and give her the confidence to be happy in herself. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT WHEN ANY OF US FEEL OUT OF SHAPE, WE ARE MENTALLY OUT OF SHAPE. The words speak for themselves This is YOUR internal rhetoric, these are YOUR beliefs, you cannot and shouldn't force YOUR rhetoric on to anyone. She is an adult, she makes her own choices and has made her opinion on the matter perfectly clear. She actually told me that she's a foodie & doesn't diet & that she's too lazy to go to the gym. If she feels her clothes are too tight, she can choose to eat less or she can just buy a bigger size, that is HER choice. YOU cannot force her to do what you want her to do without making her miserable and if she does capitulate to your "fit" demands, I guess she will feel she is out of control of her own life and hate you for it. Next time chose a 10 who is as obsessed with her own looks, as you obviously are. 4
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 You know, there was another thread running recently created by a guy whose girlfriend was 200+ pounds, and he still found her attractive! Had no intention of leaving her but was naturally concerned about the weight.....and rightfully so! Now HE had valid reason for deeming her less attractive (which he didn't).....unlike the OP of this thread who is whining about about ***12*** pounds. S H A L L O W. At least have the balls to acknowledge that. I had sympathy for you at first, because it sounded like you were open to change and acceptance, but it has become quite obvious at this point that you are incapable of those things. It's all HER fault, she is bad bad bad. How dare she gain 12 pounds and ruin my image of her! That is how you come across dude.... which again IMO is shallow. Sorry this post is harsh, but felt it needed to be spelled out cuz you were just not getting it. 3
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) What if she already is happy with herself and her own body and doesn't feel out of shape, and what if you are the only one, out of the 2 of you, who has an issue with it? ^^ Absolutely agree with this. This shyt about your wanting her to lose weight (12 measley pounds) so SHE feels better about herself and has more confidence? Like elaine said, that is YOUR rhetoric, not how she feels, which I am calling bullshyt on anyway. Reading your first post, that's not what you are concerned about. You are irked because she is ruining your image of her, physically. What is she 132 pounds now, instead of 120? Big freaking whoop. Again, at least be honest about that, if not to us, at least to yourself. Nuff said from me. Edited July 23, 2015 by katiegrl
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