Girl I'm dating is putting on weight, what do I do?

[Eighty_nine]

Good luck trying to find a different woman who cares about fitness and/or diet.

 

 

your whole post was super dramatic. If someone gains 12 pounds they must not care about fitness?! And eventually they'll be too out of shape to have sex? Come ON. yes, we have an obesity epidemic in America. But there's also plenty of "average" girls whose weight may fluctuate, maybe they'll get pregnant, maybe they are working super hard at school/work/etc and don't have time for the gym for a bit and, god forbid, put on a little weight now and then. Geez. It's a totally rigid spectrum apparently; we're either in perfect shape all of the time or destined for morbid obesity.

[writergal]

We are both in out early 30's

 

For a man in his early 30s, you have very shallow dating standards that are extremely unrealistic too.

 

Unless you want to date a model whose only meal is the toilet paper she eats between photo shoots for some protein, you are going to have to accept the fact that women's bodies change over time with age, especially every month when they get their period or their hormones fluctuate.

 

Women develop eating disorders when they date men who constantly barrage them with "you're fat" messages. Posting that military fitness guy's fat-shaming video as a joke is the tip of the iceberg for what your relationship values are. You value appearance over substance. So, date women who value that too. Please, dump your current girlfriend so she can be with a man who accepts her for who she is, whatever her weight is.

[MC44]

For a man in his early 30s, you have very shallow dating standards that are extremely unrealistic too.

 

Unless you want to date a model whose only meal is the toilet paper she eats between photo shoots for some protein, you are going to have to accept the fact that women's bodies change over time with age, especially every month when they get their period or their hormones fluctuate.

 

Women develop eating disorders when they date men who constantly barrage them with "you're fat" messages. Posting that military fitness guy's fat-shaming video as a joke is the tip of the iceberg for what your relationship values are. You value appearance over substance. So, date women who value that too. Please, dump your current girlfriend so she can be with a man who accepts her for who she is, whatever her weight is.

 

This is the thing she was a model a couple of years ago

 

Anyway I would never put down or degrade my girl PERIOD!

 

and I know I've hit a nerve with many females on here& for that I'm sorry. I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't really like this girl & wanted some genuine advice. Although we haven't been dating long I really like this girl & would like to have a future with her. I understand weight loss is different for people, but the bottom line is that everyone can do & everyone would feel better once they adapt to it BOTTOM LINE

[Gloria25]

It will get worse. Bodies sag and gain weight as they age. Some women are thin for their entire lives and some are not. If you are only going to date thin women that's your prerogative. Also, people gain weight while in relationships.

 

If a 12-pound weight gain on a woman is a deal-breaker for you, then you need to be upfront about it "you're hot but if you gain more than 12 pounds I'll have to dump you." See how that sounds? Definitely indicative of shallow dating standards. Why do you think you're so hung up on women's weight?

 

Weight fluctuates. Doesn't matter how much you exercise or eat right. Try to look beyond the scale. Women are more than their waist-line.

 

I'm going on 40 and I'm lean and mean...sagging boobs, cellulite (yes, even skinny and/or athletic women can have it too) yes. I cannot stop aging.

 

But as for the rest of my sexy body? It isn't cuz of genes and/or "chance". I WORK for it. I just don't sit on my duff and say "oh, nature must take its course".

 

I also watch what I eat. I still have junk food, beer, sweets, but not to excess. I don't have a greasy hamburger for lunch if my job is sitting behind a computer for 8 hrs.

 

I stay active. At work, I take the stairs. I park far away so I can walk to my vehicle. I also walk during breaks.

 

Do I get up every morning saying "Yipee, time to swim 30 laps, run 3-4 miles, do my pull-ups/sit-ups/push-ups? Heck no, but just like I get off my duff and put in my 8 hrs at work to pay the bills, I put in the work on my body.

 

The OP doesn't have unrealistic expectations, thing is we have a lot of lazy and self-indulgent people now a days. In my hood, I just sit back and watch...too lazy to walk their dogs, too lazy to cut the grass (and/or sweep it up afterwards), too lazy to pick up newspapers in your driveway, too lazy to move a freakin garbage can in/out for garbage day.

 

Our bodies were made to move, however, with modernization people are too lazy to do anything that makes them sweat and/or require effort. Blame aging, disease, depression l and who cares if exercise helps to relieve any/all of that.

 

The OP's gf? She, like most women, got away with "average" weight and with aging and metabolism slowing, she isn't gonna do anything about it and 12lbs will be 25, 50, etc. Just watch....

 

So, you can wait this out and see how it goes and give her a chance, but if she already said she's cool with the status quo, then I think you're wasting your time.

 

And yea, let her go, there's plenty of guys out there who will just "take what they can get" and will be getting on their knees for her...I see them on Jerry Springer all the time.

 

Dating is about figuring out if someone is a "match", if you're into fitness and she's into her couch, the maybe you're not a match.

[writergal]

This is the thing she was a model a couple of years ago

 

Anyway I would never put down or degrade my girl PERIOD!

 

and I know I've hit a nerve with many females on here& for that I'm sorry. I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't really like this girl & wanted some genuine advice. Although we haven't been dating long I really like this girl & would like to have a future with her. I understand weight loss is different for people, but the bottom line is that everyone can do & everyone would feel better once they adapt to it BOTTOM LINE

 

So your bottom line is: my girlfriend/wife must maintain [# of pounds] for the duration of our relationship, or I break up with her.

 

Good luck with that.

[Gloria25]

This is the thing she was a model a couple of years ago

 

Anyway I would never put down or degrade my girl PERIOD!

 

and I know I've hit a nerve with many females on here& for that I'm sorry. I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't really like this girl & wanted some genuine advice. Although we haven't been dating long I really like this girl & would like to have a future with her. I understand weight loss is different for people, but the bottom line is that everyone can do & everyone would feel better once they adapt to it BOTTOM LINE

 

I'm a female and you didn't hit a nerve with me, so don't let a few bully you into believing otherwise...

 

I'm also a female who works on her body, so take that into consideration when you compare mine and their responses.

 

I feel bad for you and most men now a days, cuz like I said in my first post here, you can't dare say ANYTHING to a woman about her weight - especially now a days.

 

There are still some women who work out and care about their bodies...but they are becoming a dying breed...and, that's sad.

[GoBlue]

But over the last month she has put on a lot of weight & is now boarder line for what is acceptable for my girlfriend.

 

Well - you could show her this post and emphasize the above quote. I can't guarantee that she won't be offended but she will probably solve the problem for you - if you know what I mean.

[wb1988]

There are still some women who work out and care about their bodies...but they are becoming a dying breed...and, that's sad.

 

Really you think so? I think the total opposite I've noticed pretty much all girls workout in some way and are very aware of their body, like fat girls are a big no no. I don't think I've seen a fat girl all week, but then again fat people are invisible to me.

[katiegrl]

We live in an overly-sensitive society where if you tell a bitch that she's gaining weight real quick then somehow you are the bad guy. People would rather you become fat then there be a possibility of hurt feelings, and loosing weight is 100x more difficult than gaining, it's much better to know you're getting fat than to find out when it's probably too late.

 

Just say "baby I love you and I think you're super cute but I've noticed that you've been gaining weight recently, like a lot of weight, like a loooooooot of weight and I'm worried that before we know it you'll turn into a muffin top and you'll lose self confidence. I'm also worried that I might not find you as attractive as you are now".

 

If she still doesn't change then dump the bitch.

 

 

Call me crazy, but I kinda like that and find it quite hilarious! Especially the underlined....and I like how you make it a joint concern (i.e. "before WE know it...). LOL

 

 

I could totally see my BF saying this to me if I were to suddenly gain a lot of weight.

 

 

It's direct and to the point. My BF and I are always bantering like that anyway...and don't mince words....so for ME, I would not take offense to that at all!

 

 

I prefer the direct route actually...none of this tip-toeing around shyt. I hate that!! Get to the point of what's REALLY bothering you and stop making me guess!

 

 

What a refreshing change!

Edited July 22, 2015 by katiegrl

[neowulf]

Sounds like you just don't love her enough.

 

Why?

 

Because your pretty, model girlfriend could get hit by a car tomorrow. She could get cancer. She could be crippled.

 

Are you going to leave her if she loses a leg? What about a nasty scar on her pretty face? Would it change the way you felt about her?

 

I understand you want her to care about her health. That's something you can talk to her about. If you're feeling a lack of attraction, because of her weight gain, that's also something you can talk about.

 

But in the end, we're all going to fall on hard times, all going to be "less than our best" sometimes.

 

If you can't depend on the people who love you to stand by you, then who can you depend on?

[katiegrl]

Sounds like you just don't love her enough.

 

Why?

 

Because your pretty, model girlfriend could get hit by a car tomorrow. She could get cancer. She could be crippled.

 

Are you going to leave her if she loses a leg? What about a nasty scar on her pretty face? Would it change the way you felt about her?

 

I understand you want her to care about her health. That's something you can talk to her about. If you're feeling a lack of attraction, because of her weight gain, that's also something you can talk about.

 

But in the end, we're all going to fall on hard times, all going to be "less than our best" sometimes.

 

If you can't depend on the people who love you to stand by you, then who can you depend on?

 

 

She also might have thyroid disease which causes a woman to gain weight.... would you leave her then? Or even be concerned about the weight gain...instead of the thyroid disease?

 

 

In fact perhaps that is the problem now. Thyroid problems can develop very quickly in some cases. It also causes low energy (i.e. laziness).

 

 

Just a thought.

[writergal]

Really you think so? I think the total opposite I've noticed pretty much all girls workout in some way and are very aware of their body, like fat girls are a big no no. I don't think I've seen a fat girl all week, but then again fat people are invisible to me.

 

[imitating Haley Joel Osment] I wanna tell you a secret. I see fat people...because I was blessed with a food sense.In fact, I AM a fat people! I'm waving my fat people flag proudly right now. Delta Burke and I are going to protest outside a Weight Watchers and shout "What do we want?" "Carbs!" "When do we want them?" "Now! Smothered in more carbs!"

 

Say it loud, I'm fat and proud! The only reason I'm fat, is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

 

Pffft.

[Gloria25]

She also might have thyroid disease which causes a woman to gain weight.... would you leave her then? Or even be concerned about the weight gain...instead of the thyroid disease?

 

 

In fact perhaps that is the problem now. Thyroid problems can develop very quickly in some cases. It also causes low energy (i.e. laziness).

 

 

Just a thought.

 

I have a relative who is overweight and takes meds for "Thyroid" disease. Ever see how muchfood she puts on her plate, eggs she eats, and how "frying" is how food is prepared in that household? I guess thyroid disease also affects the brain where the person is told to fry and eat a lot.

 

Mind you, she lives with her son and daughter-in-law and their kids, and ALL of them are overweight with the exception of one daughter who is barely a tween and went vegan.

 

Their daughter reminds me of myself, took one look around my family and realized I couldn't eat like them or I'd end up like them.

 

So, is it "thyroid" running in the family, or lifestyle/diet choices?

[katiegrl]

I have a relative who is overweight and takes meds for "Thyroid" disease. Ever see how muchfood she puts on her plate, eggs she eats, and how "frying" is how food is prepared in that household? I guess thyroid disease also affects the brain where the person is told to fry and eat a lot.

 

Mind you, she lives with her son and daughter-in-law and their kids, and ALL of them are overweight with the exception of one daughter who is barely a tween and went vegan.

 

Their daughter reminds me of myself, took one look around my family and realized I couldn't eat like them or I'd end up like them.

 

So, is it "thyroid" running in the family, or lifestyle/diet choices?

 

 

In HER case, it's the diet, over-eating and lifestyle choices. And no thyroid disease does not fun in families.

 

And since she is on meds to control it, the meds would cause her to LOSE weight....so again in HER case, it's the over-eating, lifestyle choices that are the problem.....and NOT the thyroid disease.

 

Thyroid disease (i.e. hyperthyroidism) causes weight gain BEFORE the diagnosis, and BEFORE the person is put on meds. The meds would cause a person to lose the weight....assuming their diet was normal.

[Eighty_nine]

I'm going on 40 and I'm lean and mean...sagging boobs, cellulite (yes, even skinny and/or athletic women can have it too) yes. I cannot stop aging.

 

But as for the rest of my sexy body? It isn't cuz of genes and/or "chance". I WORK for it. I just don't sit on my duff and say "oh, nature must take its course".

 

I also watch what I eat. I still have junk food, beer, sweets, but not to excess. I don't have a greasy hamburger for lunch if my job is sitting behind a computer for 8 hrs.

 

I stay active. At work, I take the stairs. I park far away so I can walk to my vehicle. I also walk during breaks.

 

Do I get up every morning saying "Yipee, time to swim 30 laps, run 3-4 miles, do my pull-ups/sit-ups/push-ups? Heck no, but just like I get off my duff and put in my 8 hrs at work to pay the bills, I put in the work on my body.

 

The OP doesn't have unrealistic expectations, thing is we have a lot of lazy and self-indulgent people now a days. In my hood, I just sit back and watch...too lazy to walk their dogs, too lazy to cut the grass (and/or sweep it up afterwards), too lazy to pick up newspapers in your driveway, too lazy to move a freakin garbage can in/out for garbage day.

 

Our bodies were made to move, however, with modernization people are too lazy to do anything that makes them sweat and/or require effort. Blame aging, disease, depression l and who cares if exercise helps to relieve any/all of that.

 

The OP's gf? She, like most women, got away with "average" weight and with aging and metabolism slowing, she isn't gonna do anything about it and 12lbs will be 25, 50, etc. Just watch....

 

So, you can wait this out and see how it goes and give her a chance, but if she already said she's cool with the status quo, then I think you're wasting your time.

 

And yea, let her go, there's plenty of guys out there who will just "take what they can get" and will be getting on their knees for her...I see them on Jerry Springer all the time.

 

Dating is about figuring out if someone is a "match", if you're into fitness and she's into her couch, the maybe you're not a match.

 

This post is so crazy self righteous, and I'm saying that as someone who works out 6 days a week. Get off your high horse. And remember we are talking about TWELEVE POUNDS. I've gained 12 pounds in the past without spiraling into obesity.

Edited July 22, 2015 by lissvarna

[katiegrl]

 

The OP's gf? She, like most women, got away with "average" weight and with aging and metabolism slowing, she isn't gonna do anything about it and 12lbs will be 25, 50, etc. Just watch....

 

.

 

 

Guess you missed the part where the OP said she had been **THIN** (model thin...not average) until she started dating him 1.5 months ago.

 

No her metabolism did NOT just suddenly change (and start slowing) 1.5 months ago when she started dating him...that is ludicrous.

Edited July 23, 2015 by katiegrl

[joseb]

That's 3lbs per week on average. She's have to eat like 3000 calories a day to gain that fast.

 

I still want to know how old you are both.

 

And I want to know if she started the pill recently.

 

The thing is, 12 pounds isn't a lot. But in one month, if it is due to comfort eating alone, that means she has almost doubled her calorie intake. That's not a trivial change.

 

It's a tricky one. On one hand, it's not much weight, and it might be a temporary blip.

 

But if it's comfort eating, and she keeps it up, what weight will she be in 6 months time?

 

Is it still taboo for the OP so say anything then?

[katiegrl]

The thing is, 12 pounds isn't a lot. But in one month, if it is due to comfort eating alone, that means she has almost doubled her calorie intake. That's not a trivial change.

 

It's a tricky one. On one hand, it's not much weight, and it might be a temporary blip.

 

But if it's comfort eating, and she keeps it up, what weight will she be in 6 months time?

 

Is it still taboo for the OP so say anything then?

 

 

Not as far as I am concerned (see my previous response (post no. 85) in response to wb's post)....

 

I was serious!

[aussietigerwolf]

12 pounds... So a bit over 5 KGS. You would dump someone you say is perfect for you, potential future wifey and so on over that small amount. Im guessing she's stressed because she realises how you really feel about her.

[ascendotum]

12 pounds... So a bit over 5 KGS. You would dump someone you say is perfect for you, potential future wifey and so on over that small amount. Im guessing she's stressed because she realises how you really feel about her.

 

I think what is freaking this guy out more is the time frame in which this weight gain has happened. He naturally would not want that trend to continue for the rest of the year. I have had a few gfs gain weight, but what was perturbing for me at the time, was that the weight gain started to happen very early in the relationship. It was not a lot, but guys will extrapolate that 1kg a month (or whatever it is) out for the months/years ahead. You cant over react to soon as it will piss the woman off that you are already trying to give her grief over her weight. As a guy though you will be disappointed that the physique you found so sexy when you first started dating was only for a brief point in time.

Edited July 23, 2015 by ascendotum

[smackie9]

This is the thing she was a model a couple of years ago

 

Anyway I would never put down or degrade my girl PERIOD!

 

and I know I've hit a nerve with many females on here& for that I'm sorry. I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't really like this girl & wanted some genuine advice. Although we haven't been dating long I really like this girl & would like to have a future with her. I understand weight loss is different for people, but the bottom line is that everyone can do & everyone would feel better once they adapt to it BOTTOM LINE

You didn't hit a nerve with me either....I totally get it. But you can't force someone or expect someone to "keep in shape" if they don't have the desire to. Your GF knows she's lookin chunky....lets see what she does with it.

[smackie9]

The only thing you can do without offending the world is just lead by example.

[Leigh 87]

My friend gained 20 pounds. While dating her boyfriend.

 

He still felt totally hot for her. He wasn't any less attracted to her.

 

My experience has been that the men who aren't totally crazy about you seem to lose attraction due to weight gain.

 

The men who only felt the physical chemistry felt less attracted.

 

I personally don't loose attraction if a guy I am crazy for gains weight. However it does make me worried for their health.

[moys]

You don't deserve her, keep it moving and find an equally shallow skinny girl who is more suited to your immature preferences.

[Gloria25]

The only thing you can do without offending the world is just lead by example.

 

No you don't, cuz you'll get "skinny shamed" like the post-baby pics these mums posted:

 

http:// http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/12/02/new-moms-instagram-of-chiseled-post-baby-belly-causes-backlash/

 

Instead of the OP's gf wanting to follow his lead, she'll probably resent him, get jealous and/or ignore it and keep on being a "foodie". A relative of mine went through that, ex wife fed him crap, didn't cook, and when he finally started going to the gym, she didn't join him and went so far to insult/ridicule/undermine him with nasty comments about how he "stinks" when he comes from the gym (instead of grabbing him and taking him in the shower for a make-out session).