fitnessfan365 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I want to feel proud when I introduce her to my people Your so-called "concern" is BS based on this. Instead of worrying about the long term effects her bad habits will have on her health, you're more concerned with her being proper arm candy. When you genuinely like a girl, you'll be proud to show her off as is. 6
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 OK let's cut to the chase here. OP, how tall is your g/f ? What did she weigh when you met her? How long have you been seeing her? What is her weight now? I can't make a comment until I know what the actual weigh gain is, and if it is cause for concern. 1
DaisyBug Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So it's your last GF's fault you gained so much weight? Did she purchase all the food you ate? Dude...... Seriously, don't even look for a wifey until you can decide that marriage is for better or for worse, not "until you are no longer a 10." I have a feeling you were damn lucky to catch a near-10 in the first place. People age, metabolisms slow down, wrinkles appear. That's life. If you just want to be infatuated, you're not someone for the long haul, because you will even tire of a slim woman eventually. There'll always be some physical flaw that will somehow get in the way of your attraction, if attraction is your "glue" in a relationship. She sounds like a wonderful girl, and if she has just gained a few pounds and you're already disgusted, there is no way you will endure a pregnancy and post-baby weight gain. Her belly will likely never be the same. If you were worried about a significant weight gain that was spinning out of control, that's one thing, but there is no way a person could gain a deal-breaking amount of weight in one month. If you can only love a woman with your eyes and not your heart, you're not cut out for a marital commitment.
Walters Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 In all but one of my relationships the girl always gained between 30 and 60 lbs sometime after the 2 year mark. It’s typically brought on with depression, stress, and medication which includes birth control. There is nothing you can do or say that will result in anything good. No matter what clever way you come up with to relay the message it will be met with a defensive attitude. Normally it will make the situation worse. My advice that has worked best is to figure out what is triggering this issue be it: Medication Stress (work, life events, etc.) Depression recent tragic event (family death, close friend death). Or a combination Once you figure this out attempt to resolve if it’s possible for you to help. Most often she will need to resolve it on her own. Correcting the issue will result in her getting back into her normal shape and even get her to be motivated to get back there. During this time you need to stay positive and let her know you are there for her and love her. You can tell her you are concerned for her health, but if you make her think her weight puts your relationship in jeopardy it will backfire and the situation will get worse; potentially make it not fixable. It will take months if not a year to correct a weight problem once it’s back on track.
DaisyBug Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 1) You sound like a hypocrite OP. Your weight loss/passion for fitness are BRAND NEW. So you have no right to claim a certain weight is "unacceptable". You should know better than anyone that transitioning into the lifestyle isn't easy. *** I've been working out regularly since I was 16 and a personal trainer for nearly a decade. As someone that's actually been consistent w-health and fitness, it bugs me when a newbie like you acts like a guru. If you're still just as passionate in 3-5 years, then you can talk. 2) You BARELY know this girl. So why do you think you're entitled to a say in how she lives her life? It'd be a different story if you were actually her BF and been seeing her awhile. Then if she gains a lot of weight over a long period of time, you express concern. But her so-called "weight gain" has taken place over the last month. So you're being a bit dramatic. Can I "like" this more than once? Like, like, like!! 1
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So this girl is perfect for me looks wise& personality wise but how do I get her to lose her recent weight gain without hurting her feelings or offending her? i can't help how I feel, weight gain can be avoided and we all feel better about ourselves when we are in shape If she's perfect for you personality wise, she's perfect, regardless of what the scale says. You can't mention her weight. At most you can plan active dates for the two of you, invite her to come to the gym with you & cook healthy meals when you are together. Anything else you do will be insulting no matter how you phrase it. Weight gain can't always be avoided. I have gained about 40 pounds in the past few years & gone up 3 sizes. I do exercise but my metabolism changed when I hit middle age. I don't know how old you two are but unless you are her doctor, you have no knowledge that there isn't a physiological issue at play here. In conclusion you either like her the person or you only care about her looks. If it's the latter, break up with her because she deserves better.
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Give her a few more months....if she does nothing then you know this is going to be in your future. I have been with my guy for 25 years....if he stacked on the weigh you better believe it I would be protesting. I don't care if one gets older, gets comfortable, family vacation, or whatever....it's no excuse for letting yourself go.
losangelena Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I'm curious, too about how much weight she's gained. 10? 20? It could very well be that you didn't notice the first 5 or 10. Anyway, I laugh at the notion that she doesn't realize it. As someone who's put on 25 lbs myself in the past year, I damn sure noticed, long before anyone else. It is inevitable to some degree. Once you get into a relationship your whole life changes. Your schedule, your eating habits, your sleep habits. Not everyone has an easy a time making exercise and eating well a priority during that transition. It takes a while to reintroduce. I will also say that A) my BF hasn't said one word of complaint, and that B), I finally did get to a place of self correction. I bet with your GF it'll be the same. So as far as what you can do about, that's a very short list.
katiegrl Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So I've been dating this girl for a little while & I really like her. She is one of the most beautiful girls I've seen we click and have a lot of fun together & I've been thinking of making things serious. But over the last month she has put on a lot of weight & is now boarder line for what is acceptable for my girlfriend. I don't mean to offend anyone on here but I have to be honest to myself & what makes me happy. The thing is that she has always been slim judging from the past photos she's shown me. And she seems to not realise that she's gained weight or does she seem to have any intention to diet or go to the gym. ****She actually told me that shes a foodie &doesn't diet & that she's too lazy to go to the gym.**** The thing is that I have got back into my fitness and have recently lost a lot of weight after putting it on in my previous relationship and have now adapted healthy eating and exercise into my lifestyle. And every time I suggest that we work out together she just says she's too lazy. So this girl is perfect for me looks wise& personality wise but how do I get her to lose her recent weight gain without hurting her feelings or offending her? i can't help how I feel, weight gain can be avoided and we all feel better about ourselves when we are in shape Quote in asterisk above - if she is lazy, and you are not, THAT would indicate major incompatibility. You may want to address that with her, instead of the weight gain. I said this another thread too, but the weight gain is a *symptom* of the larger *disease.* That *disease* being she is LAZY. Talk to her about *that.* Why is she lazy? Is she depressed, bored, what? Perhaps you can think of ways to motivate her somehow. Have you suggested going on a jog together every morning? Exercise increases endorphins and the more she exercises, the better and more motivated she will feel. LESS inclined to be lazy. It will have an upwardly spiral effect. Exercise = increase endorphins = more energy = less lazy! 1
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Perfect for you looks-wise, but you're complaining about her looks - you claim that you're trying to be honest with yourself about what you want, but it seems to me that you're not being that realistic about it. Regardless, if her weight is a deal breaker, tell her about it and be prepared to dump her/lose her if she doesn't respond appropriately - no reason to string her along if she's not your cup of tea... I'm not a newbie to fitness, was ripped with an 8 pack before my last girl ruined my body for a bit. But I guess you might be right in terms of telling her. But I don't want to hurt her feelings or be a dick towards her. The thing is that I am very picky when it comes to my women & we really click. I don't even want to be shallow but I have to be real& it seems like a waste to get rid of a girl who is so perfect over about 12 pounds. But what if it gets worse
kendahke Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Don't be guilt-tripped by people here.. pointing out hypocrisy is not guilt tripping. He needs to own his inconsistencies. 4
katiegrl Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Also since you said she was thin before she started dating you, and just started putting on weight *since* she started dating you.... there is a correlation there and those two things (her dating you, putting on weight) are directly related to each other. The question is why? Is she attempting to create distance? Subconsciously? I would not ignore this... talk to her about it, there is something deeper going on here than her simply gaining a few pounds. 1
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I'm curious, too about how much weight she's gained. 10? 20? It could very well be that you didn't notice the first 5 or 10. Anyway, I laugh at the notion that she doesn't realize it. As someone who's put on 25 lbs myself in the past year, I damn sure noticed, long before anyone else. It is inevitable to some degree. Once you get into a relationship your whole life changes. Your schedule, your eating habits, your sleep habits. Not everyone has an easy a time making exercise and eating well a priority during that transition. It takes a while to reintroduce. I will also say that A) my BF hasn't said one word of complaint, and that B), I finally did get to a place of self correction. I bet with your GF it'll be the same. So as far as what you can do about, that's a very short list. I'm telling you unless your BF is a person who is into overweight girls he secretly has a problem. Don't get lazy and take your man for granted. When I've been in long term relationships the things that kept me faithful was when I compare the offers I'd get to my girlfriend. So don't slip and get too comfortable or you could end up losing your mans attention. And also it's about you staying strong and independent just in case you guys ever break up one day. Keep yourself at your best self always in life& never let yourself feel bad for yourself
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Also since you said she was thin before she started dating you, and just started putting on weight *since* she started dating you.... there is a correlation there and those two things (her dating you, putting on weight) are directly related to each other. The question is why? Is she attempting to create distance? Subconsciously? I would not ignore this... talk to her about it, there is something deeper going on here than her simply gaining a few pounds. That's interesting, thank you
katiegrl Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) Also since you said she was thin before she started dating you, and just started putting on weight *since* she started dating you.... there is a correlation there and those two things (her dating you, putting on weight) are directly related to each other. The question is why? Is she attempting to create distance? Subconsciously? I would not ignore this... talk to her about it, there is something deeper going on here than her simply gaining a few pounds. ^^ Tried to edit but was too late. Anyway, she could have issues you know nothing about and is somehow testing you (again subconsciously) to see whether or not you will stick around. Talk to her...find out what the hell is going on. Communicate! Edited July 22, 2015 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 a girl who is so perfect over about 12 pounds. But what if it gets worse Oh honey. You've just reached an age where you started dating real women and not teenage girls anymore. Women's weight fluctuates a great deal through her life. I probably gain 6-lbs each time I ovulate. My weight goes up and down depending on the time of the month, the moon, the heat and humidity, water retention, etc. 12-lbs she is probably is still wearing her same clothes but is pretty tight in them. She gained new relationship weight. Anyway, if you want a woman that will never ever gain an extra pound in her life you're in for a surprise. It doesn't exist. 6
nadine5 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I don't know what it is but she has gained weight fast! The thing is this girl was close to a ten a month ago& I'm worried about the direction she's taking. The thing is that weight is different for different people but the fact that she wasn't fat before and hasn't ever been fat in the past means it's unnatural. And as for me gaining weight in my last relationship I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault as she kept feeding me bad sh#t out of her own insecurities to try and make me less appealing to other girls( this is what women doLOL). But anyway I can't stand to even look at myself in photos when I had all that excess weight. Weight can be controlled. I'm not being fuc%ed up here but I work hard to take care of myself so I just want the same in return. I'd never make someone feel bad about themselves & I just want my potential future wifey to be her best self while she's with me. Come on guy's I need some better responses Do you ever think that you're making HER feel bad, and that's why SHE's gaining weight?.... just like in your last relationship? The amount of weight she has gained in the last month cannot possibly compare to the amount of weight she is going to gain when she is pregnant and a few months after. Are you planning on having kids? Also, when people get older, their metabolism slows down, no matter how much they work out. Are you planning on being with someone older when you're older, or are you Hugh Hefner? I'm not trying to be rude, but these are realistic questions.
nadine5 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Also since you said she was thin before she started dating you, and just started putting on weight *since* she started dating you.... there is a correlation there and those two things (her dating you, putting on weight) are directly related to each other. The question is why? Is she attempting to create distance? Subconsciously? I would not ignore this... talk to her about it, there is something deeper going on here than her simply gaining a few pounds. I agree. She is either very happy or very unhappy, depending on her eating habits. I personally lose weight when I am very unhappy, but a friend of mine binge eats when she's stressed and unhappy. Maybe you should find out. 1
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 No-one has answered the contraceptive pill question. Thin girl enters into a sexual relationship, goes on the Pill -> weight gain. 4
nadine5 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 No-one has answered the contraceptive pill question. Thin girl enters into a sexual relationship, goes on the Pill -> weight gain. Sometimes... it never affected me. That's one thing to consider though.
writergal Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I'm not a newbie to fitness, was ripped with an 8 pack before my last girl ruined my body for a bit. But I guess you might be right in terms of telling her. But I don't want to hurt her feelings or be a dick towards her. The thing is that I am very picky when it comes to my women & we really click. I don't even want to be shallow but I have to be real& it seems like a waste to get rid of a girl who is so perfect over about 12 pounds. But what if it gets worse It will get worse. Bodies sag and gain weight as they age. Some women are thin for their entire lives and some are not. If you are only going to date thin women that's your prerogative. Also, people gain weight while in relationships. If a 12-pound weight gain on a woman is a deal-breaker for you, then you need to be upfront about it "you're hot but if you gain more than 12 pounds I'll have to dump you." See how that sounds? Definitely indicative of shallow dating standards. Why do you think you're so hung up on women's weight? Weight fluctuates. Doesn't matter how much you exercise or eat right. Try to look beyond the scale. Women are more than their waist-line. 1
losangelena Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think you'd be doing this woman a favor by letting her go. She deserves to be with someone who isn't gonna stress about 12 pounds. 6
PogoStick Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, he's being guilt tripped. He's been called shallow, questioned his ability to love, and she's defended as having a medical and/or mental condition which suggests he's being unfair/insensitive as she has an "excuse". Hypocrisy? Women don't date guys because they're too short, don't have a good enough job, and constantly warning others to stay away from guys with depression and mental issues. Here it's used to excuse her weight gain and he's shallow for not being concerned with whatever "issues" she may be experiencing. And since no one else has mentioned it...better make sure she isn't pregnant. Happened to my college roommate. His girlfriend starting getting "fat" our freshman year. She hid it from him for months and then...SURPRISE! 1
nadine5 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, he's being guilt tripped. He's been called shallow, questioned his ability to love, and she's defended as having a medical and/or mental condition which suggests he's being unfair/insensitive as she has an "excuse". Hypocrisy? Women don't date guys because they're too short, don't have a good enough job, and constantly warning others to stay away from guys with depression and mental issues. Here it's used to excuse her weight gain and he's shallow for not being concerned with whatever "issues" she may be experiencing. And since no one else has mentioned it...better make sure she isn't pregnant. Happened to my college roommate. His girlfriend starting getting "fat" our freshman year. She hid it from him for months and then...SURPRISE! I understand what you're saying. I had a girl friend who gained 60 pounds in a year and that is unacceptable (no medical condition, just binge eating). I'm just wondering how much weight a girl can possibly gain in a MONTH for her boyfriend to become physically unattracted to her.
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I think you'd be doing this woman a favor by letting her go. She deserves to be with someone who isn't gonna stress about 12 pounds. I am actually a rare good guy. Maybe if we'd been together for longer it could be different, I don't know. But she is 100% really happy and has been since we got together. I just came across this video would anyone advise me getting her to watch it? http://youtu.be/TMA2nq2xfCQ
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