argh

[steve steve]

uh. where to begin. the last 2 weeks have been a roller coaster with my gf. just fight and make up, fight and make up. it has been so emotionally draining for the both of us. i want things to go back to how they were. maybe they will, maybe they won't. i have been a jerk, she has been a bi&%%. we have talked about it somewhat, but i know we havn't really found out what's going on. things about her bug me, and i know she feels vice versa about me. but i will say that i do love her and want to make it work. weve talked about breaking up these past couple of weeks because it has become painful for the both of us, but we have agreed to make it work.

 

well, i said lets take a break a few days ago from all of this and she flipped out on me. it turned into another fight pretty much. yesterday we broke up. she said she cant do this anymore, and i said fine, it's over for good, and she flipped out on me. pretty much another fight was our break up. no tears on either side.

 

i am hurtm, but more in the angry way than the sad way. i think she may feel or think the same about me. we both said were relieved from the pain. well, i got a text from her after 3 am from her to give her a call. i was awake still, just lying in bed thinking, but i refused to call her. partially because i was angry, but mainly because i over-analyzed and thought that it might be a delayed text message from her from earlier in the day.

 

now a day has passed. neither had called one another. i said its over, ill never call her again, and asked her to do the same for me. but, im obsessing about that text. of course i miss her. i want things to work. dont know if she wants to or not. i made it clear in our break up that i did, and that this was her decidion. perhaps she just reacted to all the fighting and me initiaiting a break. who knows.

 

of course i miss her. but i am angry about lots of thigns that just hit the fan the past couple of weeks. she has hurt me, i dont know if she knows this. and i know i hurt her. wed fight, and she would cry. then id feel guilty. wed patch things up. then next day something else would happen, and wed drag the past into it. aarrgg. maybe its best to just be away from each other and see what happens.

 

i tried to burn that bridge during our break up. i was so angry. both of us were cold. it was a sparring debate. something neither of us has seen in each other. it all culminated over the past couple of weeks. snowballed. but that text makes me wonder. im too proud to call her. i cant say its from her for sure because my texts dont show numbers. but who else would send a text at about 3 am saying "give me a call when you get a chance"?

 

its like i love her, but just cant stand her right now. she is not the same person. she probably feels the same way about me. i saw her earlier today at school in the library studying by herself. by i just kept walking. i saw her, and didnt look back. i know she saw me, but probably just turned away.

 

pride. my damn pride. an asset in some areas, detrimental in others. but, i dont crawl back. i wont. she hurt me and i wont go back unless she apologizes to me first. but thats my pride i guess. i refuse to be seen as weak. as a doormat. as the first to break the silence.

 

im sorry if youve made it this far. i just needed to vent. well see what happens. its just that at the moment my emotions are clouding my judgment, my reasoning, my objectivity, my well being...my happiness.

[cole28]

I know exactly what you are saying. I feel the same way. I think that once a relationship gets to a certain point (after a lot of hurt) you need to force yourself to move on. It is hard. I'm doing it now. Not even been 2 days and I'm consumed with thoughts of making the right decision. Somewhere out there is someone better for you. Note that I said better for you, not just "better". I keep telling myself that through this pain I have grown and learned so much. Next time I will have so much more to offer someone, so will you. There are over 9 million people in this world. Remember that.Keep yourself busy.

[ErinErinErin]

Ahhh...I feel really bad for you! I think you guys probably both need a couple of days to calm down and think about what happened, and what the other person each means to you...Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder and you guys will get over the problems you have been experiencing...